HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Better Already

HURRAH! As Bridget Jones would say. It's going away. No more razorblade coughs. No more ashcans. My snot is clear (as I'm sure you wanted to know). My ears are clear.

O man that was the sorest sore throat I've had in a long time. All my fault for smoking cigarettes I suppose. (One reason I never go to doctors about these things; I know what they'll say ~ Give up smoking ...

Hey did you know the British Government's Pandemic Flu Service are said to have given priority the nation's junkies in the ongoing Tamiflu-handout. Anyone can get the tabs just by phoning a helpline, claiming to have various flu symptoms ~ and of course symptoms of piggie flu are no different to any other type; they're not even more severe, in fact some doctors were saying swine flu tends if anything to be milder than the bog-standard type...

The operator gives a reference number and your registered "flu friend" who could be a work colleague, neighbour (or just you in disguise) trots or hobbles along to the local "flue centre" (these are already in operation) to receive a full course of Tamiflu tabs absolutely free.

Three cheers for Britain's "socialist National Health Service" ~ hurrah!!

Yes, as I was saying, anyone on methadone will be classed as a "vulnerable person" if the pandemic really does kick off, which is nice for me to know, but I'm sure the "scientific thinking" behind it (if any) is flawed. I read in the newspaper that junkies have supposedly weaker immune systems than the general population. But ask any heroin addict and they'll tell you that generally speaking you stop getting colds and flu for years at a time for as long as you use. (But when you do get them they hit harder.) I'm sure most addicts' immune systems are actually stronger ~ by a long shot ~ not weaker at all ...

Before I got sucked into the abyss of addiction I used regularly to get two or three colds or more, every year. I must have gone three years or more without catching any at all. And now I'm sure the average is less than one per year ... Which isn't necessarily good. I never used to complain about colds (not flu: I do mean common colds, as illustrated) because I always felt they cleaned the system out. There is, apparently, some truth to this, with the common cold virus causing a massive surge in interferon levels. Interferon battles and can conquer many viruses... indeed the only known cure for hepatitis C is interferon combination treatment, which reportedly makes you feel so ill you can barely get out of bed for half the week; but when it works it works completely, clearing the virus absolutely out from the body.

A small number of people are lucky enough to be able to fight off hepatitis C and even hep B without becoming "symptomatic" (ie sick)... and that makes them very lucky people indeed.

Anyway I have to go I'm still exhausted. Bye!

British Pandemic Flu Service Freefone Helpline: 0800 1 513 513

World Pandemic Flu-Watch

7 comments:

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gleddy,
Glad you are better. I hope the upswing continues.

Love you and have a god weekend. I'm letting that typo stand because it amuses me.

SB

Gledwood said...

cheers!

I will try to have a God weekend too

hurrah!!

Rita said...

I know this comes late but tea with lemon and honey works wonders when one is coming down with a cold. It has to be the early stages, though.

I don't know how many colds I have shaken off, sometimes in less than an hour, by just having two cups of tea with lemon and honey! The alternative, if I'm not successful at that, is up to three weeks without a voice. Not desirable in the life of a language teacher, no Sir!

Have a pleasant weekend! And a God one :)

Jeannie said...

Glad you're better!

Baino said...

So I guess I can't call you 'snot box' anymore! Good news about the Tami flu thingy but frankly I think it's all a load of overhype. The Swine Flu deaths here have all been people who are VERY ill. Glad you're on the mend.

Gledwood said...

Rita: I've done that with lime and it works really well as a decongestant/antisinus thing... definitely

Jeannie: ta!

Baino: I wouldn't bother with Tamiflu or Relenza. I understand that when someone's in hospital practically dying of flu the drs want to do just anything that might improve the condition... but it's hardly worth bothering with at home when it only cuts the course of the illness ONE DAY short!

Janice said...

I'm glad your better, being sick is the pits.

Janice~

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood