HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

New Bar Of Soap

I FOUND A NEW BAR of SOAP on the street. The wrapper said: "luxurious olive oil soap" in English and "Saf Zeytinyağı Sabunu" in Turkish. And when I attempted to coax lather from it, the bar remained harsh and dry as a block of pumice. Five minutes later a faint slime began to manifest. And got all over my hands. And unlike any other soap I'd ever known: wouldn't wash off! And worse still ~ smells of mouse urine and diarrhoea. Like, you know, that musty scent when they get in your cornflakes and the droppings swirl round the breakfast bowl like choc-chips on the milk.

Plus: the odour of the mouse-pooze mingles with overheated metal and hair. With a bit of vitriolic acid plopped on the hair for good effect.

It's as if I've buried my hands overnight in a mousey public toilet. And this sick aroma won't come off! Help me someone, please.

23 comments:

Rita said...

Perhaps lemon would help? It's wonderful for fish smell, I hear. Also vinegar is supposed to work wonders when you're cleaning something...

Fishwhiskers said...

Gled ... I used to know Christiane when I lived in Berlin. Sadly she is gone from us ... xx

Vincent said...

Awesome :-)

Vincent said...

Damn, I read to quick. I thought it was a nice soap.

Not awesome :-/

Syd said...

If you can get some Go Jo hand cleaner that might help. It cuts grease and oil very well. I guess that's why it was thrown out.

Z said...

I'd suggest using salt as it's abrasive - I think lemon juice would work too.

Gledwood said...

Rita: o yeah I might try that

Fishwiskas: I heard she gave a newspaper interview some years ago and they alleged she was back on heroin... it's v sad I'm sure being famous did her little or no good either...

Vincent: it LOOKED like really nice soap. It actually came from all the girlie cosmetics I found a couple of weeks back. Looked really luxurious. Only mysteriously FAILED to lather, then smelled really really rank when it did... like hot metal solder dropped on hairclippings... with mouse "toilet" on top...

Syd: do you mean what we call Swarfega? What car mechanics use? My Dad used to have that. It's excellent... wouldn't have a clue where to buy it. Don't think any local supermarkets or pharmacies stock that one... haven't seen it in years.

Z: common Table Salt! Yeah it might rub it off if the "saltiness" does nothing else...

Akelamalu said...

You would probably get swarfega from B&Q or a car parts shop Gleds. I would try salt or sugar and lemon juice first the sale/sugar will act as an abrasive and the lemon will cut through the grease - hopefully.

Gledwood said...

Thanks... also I don't understand how they make SOAP, that GETS OFF fat ... from fat and oil itself... how on earth is that??

Gledwood said...

I just found this fascinating wikipedia article, which explains in terms I don't really understand, but could repeat back in smart-sounding words, how soap is reacted against an alkaline base to become a kind of antifat... which I kind of get. Kind of.

Here's the link...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soap

Mizpeh said...

I assume the bar of soap was unwrapped, and therefore was probably discarded for good reason - maybe it had been in a mouse nest?

As Rita says - try vinegar! :-)

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Aw. This does not sound fun....

Steve E. said...

Of all the products...when you find one which works for you, remember it. Then, tomorrow, or the next day, when you use that same soap again, you will know how to rid yourself of the offending odors.

I think this a good suggestion. especially for druggies or alkies, who have to keep doing the same thing over and over, and over...

Always willing to help -grin!

Baino said...

That'll teach you! Yeh, vinegar kills just about anything as long as you don't mind smelling like fush and chups.

molson said...

Try rolling in mud. ;-)

Nellie said...

That sounds really icky. Good thing it's just on your hands and not all over your whole body.
Around here I've been told many times that when you get sprayed by a skunk to wash with tomato juice. Maybe that would work for your task as well. Not much out there stronger than skunk. But I've never tried it. I don't mind skunk smell so much.

Lesley said...

Gled, your power of description is overwhelming. You've just sold that soap to me.... where can I get some?! :O)

Gledwood said...

:Mizpeh no no! The wrapper was safely on. And I misspelled the Turkish: Saf Zeytinyağı Sabunu does translate back, according to Google as "pure olive oil soap". The only thing wrong with it, and a shop might have sold it as a second for this, was a slightly crystalline flaky appearance. But the block was good and hard and looked like it would last ages. Which it certainly will because ain't nobody gonna use it in my house!

Reeny: no

Steve E: that's a v perceptive comment. Except that drugs make you HIGH as well as ruining your life. That soap didn't even get me clean!!

Baino: no I like fish and chips

Molson: aye I will. Plus I heard swines and human beings have 98% the same DNA...

Nellie: you been sprayed by a skunk? Is that easy to achieve, getting sprayed I mean? Does it happen a lot? I've never even seen a skunk. They don't even have them in zoos here...

Leslie: I could send it to you ...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

UGH!

Gledwood said...

YEAH!!

Sweden said...

this is like one of the funnies stories i have ever read

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ The soap sounds awful,
so I hope you got the smell and feel of it off your hands. I would also get rid of the soap.
Thank you for your comment, and I love dumplings too and the stew as well, lots of kidneys. It is really nice when the weather is cold. Not so
great when it is hot. Take care,
With best wishes, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Kat'rina: ... my crazy ole world, eh! %-/...

Merle:
it did come off within about 24 hours, but really did smell how I said ~ no exaggeration.

I would never put kidneys in my stew though! How on earth did you get a taste for them, Merle? I buy the pie steak and sometimes make a shepherd's or cottage pie with lumps of pie steak instead of mince, but would never ever vandalize that with kidneys ~ yeurkh!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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