HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Seals!

FURRY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY...

SEALS, have always been (to me) the cutest furries of the arctic. They remind me of domestic dogs:



Covered in protective blubber they are immune to subzero temperatures. Though clumsy and slow on land these creatures swim so well it's like "underwater flying":



Seals eat fish ...



... and polar bears eat seals.



Humans used to club to death baby seals (but now it's illegal)... though they are still allowed to do it to adults ...



Lovely place, the Arctic, innit?



24 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Yeah, seals are cute. I saw a documentary on Orcas once and these two whales had snatched a seal pup and were tossing it around in the air and virtually torturing the poor little thing. God, it was horrible.

I've just realised, I'm first today...yay!

Hit 40 said...

From Cajun Chicken to Baby Seals?? I guess your as random as me!!!

Gledwood said...

PUSSINBOOTS: I was going to mention killer whales. But decided not to... First ~ wahey! You know normally I post around 10am and nobody comments till about 5 in the evening Eurotime. Maybe it's because Americans are still in bed and Aussies are going to bed in our morning, I dunno...

Gledwood said...

HIT40: I do a furries post every Friday or Saturday. E.g. last weekend hornets:

http://gledwood2.blogspot.com/2009/07/japanese-hornets.html

Gledwood said...

... and before that Koalas:

http://gledwood2.blogspot.com/2009/07/koalas.html

Gledwood said...

... and Koalas II (bushfire survivors):

http://gledwood2.blogspot.com/2009/07/koalas-ii.html

Gledwood said...

... wood mice:

http://gledwood2.blogspot.com/2009/07/woodmice.html

Gledwood said...

... and donkeys!

http://gledwood2.blogspot.com/2009/06/furry-friday-saturday-donkeys.html

I couldn't fit this on one reply as you can only pick up and drop one set of data (can't you? if anyone knows how you can do it with more I'd love to hear how ...)

Whitenoise said...

The seal hunt- the embarrassment of our country. But, a certain region with a long history insists that it's right to continue their tradition.

Sweden said...

being from canada i wished they would stop seal hunting, thank god at least its illegal to kill babies.
morrissey refuses to play shows in canada because of the seal hunting..lol

Baino said...

Cute as buttons (although why buttons are cute escapes me!) We're fortunate to have a few seal colonies in the harbour. When I was whale watching last year a huge curious fur seal came right up to the boat to check us all out and work out what the fuss was about, he was magnificent, and right in front of Bondi, about 2kms out!

Gleds you can post as many html links in a comment box as you want, just hit enter after each one so they appear on a separate line!

Cheers :)

Akelamalu said...

They certainly are cute. :)

Ask Aunt B said...

Glenwood, my Darling, did you know I am a former heroin junkie? Oh yes, it is and always will be my first love. Alas, it betrayed me.

Consider me a friend and confidant, please?

Big Huge Love

Janice said...

We have a huge population of seals here in California, mostly harbor and sea lions. They've been know to sink a boat, getting on it for a bit of sun.

Janice~

Bimbimbie said...

So what happens to the pups after their mothers are bludgeoned*!*

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ The baby seals are very
nice, but life isn't too great for them is it. With whales and humans
now killing their parents.
Amy Winehouse has brought out a perfume ~~ I don't think I'd like it.
Good guess about what the best thing since sliced bread. Probably the wheel,, or it probably came before.
I think Biro pens and Durex tape were good ones.
Australia is not HOT all the time
We tend to have long hot summers,
but have frosts and that is usually a nice day afterwards. We
only have snow on very distant mountains. The chicken casserole was nice and I didn't do dumplings
but should have. Next time.
Take care of yourself, my friend,
Kind regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

whitenoise: I don't get what they actually DO with those dead seals...

Sweden: Morrissey refuses to play..? Well ain't Canada lucky! Britain oughtta take up seal-culling too. Haha!

Baino: but how do I pick up the links and set them down without going in and out of the comment box and having to comment again? I don't get that...

Akelamalu: apparently, if you come too close, they BITE!

(I wonder why??...??)_

Gledwood said...

AuntB: thank you I shall. I am hoping to become an ex-addict very soon...

... (with a miracle from God)...

Janice: the swines!

Bimbimbie: VERY GOOD POINT!!

Merle: Amy Winehouse has brought out a perfume? What does it smell of? Stale alcohol??

I was trying ot learn how to make bread and tried it with Value white self-raising. It was gross.

My dumplings are far better... like stew-bread. Those I make precisely by the book... and make them little as well, about the size of pingpong balls... I'm not convinced outsized dumplings are anything like as nice...

Syd said...

I can't stand the thought that the little seals are clubbed to death. I can't watch National Geographic on TV either. I am a softy about many things.

Gledwood said...

:->

DILLY said...

Dilly think be sad peepols kill seels. Shud not be lowd.

¬"

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

They are so lovely. I HATE those people clubbing them to death and I hate women who wear furs.

Gledwood said...

~Dilly: I don't quite get your strange dialect but can only say to that, "yes indeed!"

~Welshcakes: I know. I bet Simi was a seal in a past life... we used to have a silver and grey and black and white mottled doggie who looked just like a seal ...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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