HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Koalas

FURRY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY:

Australia's cutest furries...



... are called "bears" but aren't actually bears at all...



... apart from their fur they look so cute because of their characteristic cradling...



... and hugging posture. Koalas, as you can see, have very good grip...



... which they really do need for trees as they climb them whether or not they seem to go anywhere ...



... or are perilously thin ...



... because they try to do everything up in the branches ...

... including sleeping ...



21 comments:

Whitenoise said...

Funny video, but too bad they don't show the sushi!

Gledwood said...

Aye! That's an absolute cracker, innit!

Kvatch said...

Nice sushi cam!

Hey Gledwood, could I trouble you to change the link for "Kvatch" from "http://blognonymous.com" to "http://ragebot.com"? Blognonymous has been shut down for quite some time. Thanks.

Gledwood said...

OK!

Liz said...

Ah bless! What are they if not bears then?

Liz said...

Just caught up with you.

I think olive oil soap tends to be a bit like that.

Foxes are very cheeky and live everywhere.

Keep up the Spanish! Just don't cram too much in at once. Make sure you've got one bit properly before you move on.

In Zac's last week we heard from a young lad who'd found his friend dead from an overdose, possibly inflicted by someone else. So sad. Don't stop trying to give up, gleds!

jmb said...

How are you Gleds. Long time no see.


Koalas are such a favourite with everyone you have made your visitors very happy today.

Poor things, they are under stress in the wild as their habitat disappears as people build more and more.

Take care Gleds.

Carver said...

Wonderful shots of the koalas and a very interesting post. Thanks for visiting and good to see you around.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

So pretty!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Cute post on the koalas, Gleds. We have them around here apparently, although I've never seen one. Thank you for making the distinction that they are not bears. They're actually a marsupial, as they have a pouch for their young, which are called joeys.

Baino said...

Dead cute if not a bit stinky and SO HARD to pick in the trees. You can only find them in certain Eucalypts so once you identify the tree, it can take ages to spot the koala.
Liz, they're a marsupial but unique in the animal kingdom and eat nothing other than gum leaves. Very rare to even see them drink although after the Victorian bushfires, quite a few were found and took water from firefighters.

Bimbimbie said...

Baino is right you can't spot their sleepy little bods in the trees. They don't get the respect due to them considering they along with the Kangaroo are what people think of when you mention Australia. Poor things are doing it tough through loss of habitat. That photo of mum and her twins is heart melting*!*

Vincent said...

Hey Gled, I really enjoyed the sushi video, I loved it :-)

The koala photos are also awesome. I love them. We saw some sitting in the trees when I was playing lawn bowl a few months ago. That was IN a suburb! I also held one in the zoo. You have to keep them fed by holding some leaves for them. If you fail to feed them, they will start to climb down for which they usse theit 'little' claws. Not so cute then! hehe. They are wonderful animals, very soft. It's funny how they wedge themselves between two branches to sleep :-)

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Great post about our Koalas - even to mentioning that
during the bushfires, several came looking for water. Nice article and pics.
Sorry you don't like kidneys in your stews. My Mum used to make steak and kidney all my young life, and now I do, but I put more in than my mother did. I love them and the dumplings.
We all have different tastes. Glad you liked the scripture from
Ecclesiastes. Take care,
Regards, Merle.

Just Be Real said...

Still they are cuddly looking. I know they are aggressive.

Sweden said...

OMG i love koalas that video of the koala drinking water from a waterbottle from a fire man just melted my heart from the bushfires. awwwww......when i saw it

Nellie said...

Koalas are so cute. I love really cute things that also have a nasty side.

Gledwood said...

Liz: No I won't give up on giving up... If they're not bears are they... "marsupials"? Everything in Australia that we think's a "mammal" seems to be called that... Spanish is coasting along far more sedately these days, thank you...

If olive oil soap's so horrible, why do people use it?

JMB: yes they end up living in suburbs and looking faintly ridiculous up people's garden-centre-bought shrubs...

Carver: likewise; long time no see ;->...

Welshcakes: aye/si!

Pussinboots: Lived all your life in Australia and never seen one? Wow?! Actually my cousin comes from Sydney and now lives in Perth and never knew BUDGIES came from the outback!!

I guessed they might be marsupials; as I said above, everything Australian we assume to be one thing turns out to be marsupial!

Baino: they smell?.. of what? I was thinking about the burned ones I saw after those bushfires actually, but didn't want to post furry negatives...

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: Aye!

Vincent: You're lucky to have seen one; lots of people apparently live there all their lives and never do!

It would be very entertaining to hold one in a zoo... but I can imagine what you mean about those claws... they surely need them to stay put up all those trees; I mean ever heard of one falling out? I never have...

Merle: Came looking for water? How cute! They must've been desperate but...

Wouldn't the world be boring if all our tastes were same? Also shops would constantly sell out of everything we liked.. and the selections of most things would be miniscule...

JustBeReal: How aggressive?

Katrina: aye maybe I should have posted that one up... maybe I will today (Monday)...

Nellie: I know exactly what you mean. Hamsters are like that. Ever seen one lose its temper?... WOW!

Syd said...

Really cute. I've always liked them.

Gledwood said...

I got a stuffed koala at my Dad's house...

I'm sure it's not real..(!!)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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