HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Bank Holiday Ugh!

I BOUGHT A CELINE DION ALBUM TODAY! But every time that love theme from Titanic, My Heart Will Go On, comes on, the Roborovskis scuttle off and hide in the Maltesers tube... has anyone got any idea why?? Also I'm sure I saw them looking green in the face and attempting to be sick earlier on when that Streisand duet, "Tell Him" came on... do you think they've got food poisoning? I wonder why they're behaving like this..??

Click here, btw, to see Itchy's life-size lookylikey... on someone's hand for scale... teeny-weeny...

Seriously though, talking about Robos, I've had to put in an urgent info request to AllExperts.Com seeking advice on what to do if Spherical actually does give birth... do I separate all the hamsters? Or just the male one, Itchy? Or what do I do..? My £4.99 picture book The Dwarf Hamster (translated from the Dutch De Dwerg Hamster is unrevealing on this point... in fact it's not much cop. Apart from some unflattering pictures of Chinese hamsters (the author had obviously never owned one) plus cute ones of winter whites, Campbells ("condensed hamsters") and robos... there's not much by way of info and they fall into stupid traps like saying "the (plastic) tunnels in some of those Hamster Paradise setups available from petshops are poorly ventilated"... what? More poorly ventilated than muddy ones dug in the cold earth? That they live in wild? I hardly think so..! They omitted even to mention that Russian Hamsters like to take dust baths... if I'd have known I'd have provided them with proper sand to roll in (sawdust made their coats horrible). I changed their cage litter to cat litter but wish I'd known they were rolling about for a reason. I just thought they were having itchy moments ...

Right: on to CDs. Yes! I did actually pay for a Celine Dion album. This is because I am rapidly becoming middle aged as my best years were misspent. (Well what else is youth for?!?) Also I got three Nat King Coles, which were called Unforgettable, Nature Boy and something like The Collection... at £1 each! All 1950s recordings. Plus a 1950s collection called simply Opera... I don't know why but the sound quality on this one is very wooly whereas Nat sounds like he's in the next room... fair enough the very top frequencies don't come out like they would on today's records but for 57 years ago I don't think it's bad... also I got an amazing 55 tracks for my money. In my opinion Nat King Cole is thee King of Crooners bar none. As for Celine it's called Let's Talk About Love and, as I say, had my hamsters running for the sick bucket...

Why all this rampant CD-collecting? I was spending money that would otherwise have gone on drugs. That's my new habit: attemptedly collecting Solid Things That Last... know what I mean?!?

Those robos do have a "complex social structure" with odd behaviours. If they were humans they would scurry away and hide behind the sofa every time the doorbell rang... when something startles them they scarper and hide in pyramid formation... always seemingly with Spherical at front (she is Mother Robbie), Itchy behind her and Bashful (of course) at the back. Only when Spherical makes a move forward do the others relax. I never saw my old Russian hamsters behaving in this way. Another odd thing they do looks like kissing. Then the more dominant hamster (it could be any one of the three at any time) kind of knocks the other one over and compulsorily washes its stomach and private parts:... I never saw the Russians doing that either! And there is nothing sexual in this... unless Bashful and Spherical are part-time lesbians (well, you never know...)

No big news. It's Bank Holiday weekend. Hmmmm. I have dreadful memories of August Bank Holiday. A few years ago I forced myself into all-night clubbing followed by the Notting Hill Carnival (which attracts a supposed 1.5 million visitors over 2 days making it one of the biggest carnivals in the world), had Jo-Rei healing and something along the lines; I don't know whether it was Jo-Rei or ecstasy or what it was, blew a gasket in my brains and I had a complete and utter breakdown of mind and body... lay in bed sweating bottles of white wine (well afterwards when I changed the sheets, that's what it appeared had been poured all over them)... and crying and unable to get up to do the slightest thing because I had an ear-labrynth infection and the room was spinning so... What a nighmare that was. Notting Hill Carnival? Never again!!

Clips of the Day:
From my favourite crooner ever, Nat King Cole - Mona Lisa ...
and
Bizarre Clip:
Japanese Man with Real Flesh TAIL!!


PS FOLLOWING YESTERDAY'S TAG... may I revise my shortlist to EVERYONE who reads this blog is HEREBY OFFICIALLY TAGGED. So unless you've done the Eight Random Things Tag there's no getting out of this one ... thank y'all and goodbye!

25 comments:

Bimbimbie said...

...the trouble with Tribbles was they kept on multiplying very quickly, fingers crossed for you the Roborovskis don't do likewise *!*

Nat King Cole is a fav - parents used to play him, Sinatra and others all the time. I love his Nature Boy track and like David Bowie's version of it too.

Anonymous said...

Re: Celine Dion

One question....Why on earth would anyone purchase one of her crap CDs? I am all into each their own and all, but dude...I am Canadian (speaking for only myself) but I am really really wishing upon a star that she stays in Vegas and continues to assault the masses there with her talentless, run of the mill singing voice. My Heart Goes On...and on and on and on...sorry anytime I hear mention of that horse faced woman's name it sends me into a full blown rage.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Ciao, Gleds! I just love Nat King Cole so thank you for posting that. Can't answer your robos query, though. I quite agree with you that youth is for misspending. I'll do the "8" over the weekend. Btw, I've had some pretty horrific bank hols as well - you are not alone - so hope this is a better one for you. But whatever happens, please don't forget that there are people out here who understand and you have taken a much bigger step than you perhaps realise - you have contacted us! That's something positve and something to be proud of, Gleds. Auguri from Sicily.

gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: So these Tribbles things were very cute then? Bit like robohammies by the sound of it

Anon: Why would I wanna purchase Celine Dion? Why indeed??! All I was trying ta do was expand my range of interests and thought I would give C.D. a whirl.... the ONLY song of hers I knew before was that Titanic one... Also, the disc WAS on special offer (but it did cost more than £1, unlike Gnat King Coal and the opera)...

As for music sending me into rage or puking fit down toilet... Mariah Carey's the one to do that to me!!

PS I played the CD and it was pretty OK. I fell asleep with it tinkling in the background so I don't know whether that's good or bad


Welshcakes: Isn't the NKC wonderful? In full shining Technicolor?! I had assumed his appearances would be strictly of black-&-white ilk but no! I was quite pleasantly surprised

JaniceNW said...

I've done eight random thingslike 3 times. You just need to go find them.

What is a bank holiday? A day just the banks are off or is the government off as well, schools? what? If we have what I think of as bank holidays it's always on a monday and banks are closed, schools may or may not be out, but most everyone but the postal service is still working.

How ya doing? Nat King Cole is sublime to listen to. He never goes out of style. I heart you Gled. Hugs.

Bimbimbie said...

yes, Tribbles were very cute and very pregnant .... from memory they were born pregnant and very hungry and the more food they ate, which they always seemed to do, the more pregnant offspring they produced *!*

...do you like Big Band music? Woody Herman's Golden Wedding and Minnie the Moocher

Bimbimbie said...

oops ..... by Cab Calloway

gledwood said...

JaniceNW: See... that's why I was being a bit cautious when I tagged ppl about whether they had done it before bc this one has indeed been all over the blogosphere like a dose of the poxx... Sorry my dear you are relieved of all random listing duties forthwith... your burden was henceforth intolerable ...

Bimbimbie: The Big Band Era music? Yes I do like that sort of stuff... but if you asked me to name 25 bands and the good and the bad things and who owned what revue and what went on among them I'm afraid I would be stumped ... I like that music they now tend to call "swing" as epitomized by Sinatra ... to be honest I call Sinatra and Streisand's music "Non-Rock-&-Roll" because it's an offshoot of the music that was around b4 rock n roll came and attemptedly took over the popular airwaves and record cabinets... I grew up in an easy listening house and make no apologies for admitting... woo! That I "like" the Carpenters etc etc... I'm 35 now and not a teenager... (not that I let myself get cowed by that sort of peer pressure when I WAS a teen. I always listened to precisely what I pleased) it means I'm now even societally ALLOWED to like crappo music and need make no apology whatsoever hahahaaaarghgghghkkkhh!!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Congratulations - the music will be much better for you than drugs. Well done, and don't slip back to them. Stay alert all
the time and be proud of yourself. I posted my 8 random things, but forgot to pass it on, so will do that tomorrow. Why don't you Google care of your pets and find out things from there? Take care, Regards, Merle.
I am proud of you, my friend and I know it isn't easy.

gledwood said...

Merle: Hi! I did look all over for Roborovski care (they are not the same as any other hamsters so really I needed advice specifically for them) ... also the stuff about pregnancy is almost invariably biased to the author's personal opinions on the matter... I wanted some authoratative advice on whether I'm meant to separate my hamsters out when one gives birth and if so whether Itchy alone must go or Itchy and Bashful... I really don't want to separate them for the sake of it that would be such a shame so I desperately needed some good advice... which is pretty hard to come by these days... as I said ... I do have a book but it only gives the most general information about pregnancy e.g. that gestation takes approx 3 weeks, about 4 young on average are born (other breeds bare far more), that they need to be kept with their mother undisturbed for 2 weeks and that after 3 weeks, if I remember correctly, they're ready to be separated or go to new homes if needs be ...
You don't have August Bank Holiday in Australia, do you??
It's going to be a long, hot one...
I can't wait till it's over I have such appauling memories of this time on previous years ...
I'm going to google pregnant roborovski and see what happens now if anything crops up i'll post an addendum here...

gledwood said...

"It is not necessary to remove the male when the female is noticed to be pregnant. However, the hamsters will often mate immediately after birth so if it is not intended to breed further litters the male should be removed prior to the birth."

gledwood said...

That's from http://www.petwebsite.com/hamsters/roborovski_hamster_gestation.htm but it's the ONLY precise hamster advice I'm afraid I've so far found online ...

gledwood said...


HAMSTERS: BREEDING HAMSTERS: BREEDING DWARF ROBOROVSKI HAMSTERS: MATING




Sexing Hamsters | Interbreeding Hamster Species | Breeding Syrian Hamsters | Breeding Russian Hamsters | Breeding Chinese Hamsters | Breeding Roborovski Hamsters | Hamster Genetics

Mating | Gestation Period | The Birth | Rearing The Babies

As Roborovski Hamsters are social they are best bred from pairing together or living as a group or colony from young.

Males will naturally mate with the females if kept together and when in season the female will mount the male to mount her. He will thrust a few times before dismounting and washing himself and then often will remount and mate again. The male will usually mate with the female several times. Not all unproven males will get a female pregnant after the first mating and some males may need to mate several times before a successful pregnancy occurs. The actual mating may not always be observed."


and that's from

http://www.petwebsite.com/hamsters/roborovski_hamster_mating.htm

RAFFI said...

i was hoping the woman was going to put the tail in her mouth... makes for a good family film. nat king cole... yes. celine dion.... noooooooooooo!!!!! i couldn't bring myself to drop a cent on her music (the only cent i've spent on her is with her accompanying andrea bocelli). as for sweating white zin after carnivals, can't relate but can say it's probably a good idea to avoid the e.

gledwood said...

DO YOU THINK THAT "TAIL" WAS REAL, RAF??

gledwood said...

I mean, it just looks like a bit of stuck-on pork sausage meat to me...

Audrey said...

LOL Gledwood I had the same thoughts about the tail, whatever it is its not too appealing. Wish I had some wise words to offer you regarding hamsters and mating but Im the lady who managed to find homes for a litter of 6 only to find another litter of 5 the same morning, dont think I would be much help, Interesting information on the robos though and they are so sweet, they can be so hard to part with... I think I bonded with each and every one of those little furry critters lol

Nat King Coles voice is divine. ahhhhhhhhhhh big sigh
Have a good weekend :)

gledwood said...

GOOD WEEKEND: I WILL DO... AS FOR THE PANDAROVSKIS I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IF AND WHEN THEY DO GIVE BIRTH... I'VE A SHORTLIST OF TWO PERSONS WHO MIGHT WANT TO TAKE THEM... AFTER THAT IT'S THE PETSHOP FOR THEM... OR PERHAPS THEY'D LIKE TO JOIN THOSE ORNAMENTAL MICE THAT SCURRY ALONG BENEATH THE LIVE RAIL ON THE VICTORIA LINE..??

Nicole said...

Gled, does your CD player play MP3 CDs as well? If you mail me a proper address I can mail you some CDs. I also have some that I've converted to MP3s and they're just sitting on my shelf. I'd be happy to send some to you. (Normal or MP3).

gledwood said...

NO IT DOESN'T PLAY MP3s... if I'd wanted one that did I'd have had to spend ... well enough to make the CD player more of a target to BLATANT THEIVES like MATRAN that RAT MAN ***T.

Yeah I will email you! Thanxx

pink ginger 珂琳 said...

Nat King Cole is all time favourite, I like his Jazz and Blues.

Bimbimbie said...

LOL It's called the revenge of the parent's. They knew full well that by holding their kids prisoners on wet Sunday afternoons and playing their LP records over and over that one day we would actually admit to liking their music.

gledwood said...

Ginger: yeah! Nat is definitely the king Cole!

Bimbimbie: Revenge of the parents>>?? I remember how terrible their dreadful 1960s music sounded to my 80s ears... music has changed far less... as indeed has the popular culture over the past 20 years then it had done between say 1965 and 1985... That is for sure!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood