RESIST RESIST RESIST. I must resist. I have £20 in my pocket and do not wish to score. Except I do. If I do I will obtain 1. a smug sense of security, knowing the dealer is coming. 2. a smug sense of security knowing I have heroin. 3. enough heroin for 2 or 3 "hits" ... meaning 2 or 3 times I can spend half an hour looking everywhere on my damaged, bruised-up, bloodstained body for some section of vein willing to take a gloopy, acidified brown heroin hit (which is a hobby in itself these days) knowing that 4. if I do actually get it in a vein that holds it (instead of blowing, leaking or simply missing - there's not much by way of veins left these days I may experience for about 30 seconds to 2 minutes a pleasant warm feeling of the drug in my system and 5... supposedly i will feel better for that. Except most probably I won't feel that amazing. If anything (and if I let myself stay still) I might well fall into a dull, dopey sleep that feels no more special than natural non-drug-induced sleep... so in other words I am addicted to scoring, far more than to the drugs themselves. What am I going to do?
Oh yeah. My vision in a carrier bag.
Here's what happened. I woke up early. Nothing doing (it was about 6 or 7 a.m.) It was light outside. Ahead of me was a black carrier bag on the side. I looked at it again and a face appeared on the side of the bag. A ghostly "Jesus"-like face. (At least it reminded me of Jesus as portrayed by Roman Catholic/etc iconography.) The face remained steadily there, staring back at me. I looked away and back. Still there. Then it smiled at me in an awful smirk. So I looked away again. And when I next looked back all that remained of this vision was the random pattern of white light reflecting on a crumpled, crinkly, black plastic bag ...
OK here's YOUR vision of the day. Do click on this one, for it's fantastic:
Amazing Bunny Rabbit Letter Opener
It was Christmas eve in a war zone - I just about managed to rise this morning but shining is still a long way off. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I had my usual stress dream last night....
2 hours ago