Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Laundretta is Not Mentally Retarted*

*THOUGH SHE IS LIVING WITH MATRAN.

THE COUNCIL MAN HOUSING MANAGER was pokeing about our house this morning, according to Laundretta. She's been spinning me some repeated cock-&-bull story about regular visits from a council officer to sort out her Council Tax situation. I'm afraid, after hearing her vociferously complain about mouse infestation (she has mice - not me! If anything the smell of my Chinese Mouster has been putting them off venturing across my territory) and then launching into her serial gripe which goes: "nobody ever cleans the bathroom except me!" I've told her time and again it's Elvis the Gnome downstairs who diarrhoeas up the side of the toilet and nothing to do with me but as I said, she wants me chucked out of here. Matran, her slimy, sleazy boyfriend is not speaking to me at all. Which is a relief, as I didn't like it when he did speak to me. Too much of slimy, false mannerisms nauseates me.


On our doorstep, where she was kncking back Special Brew, chainsmoking Richmond Superkings and flicking through the Daily Mirror, she feigned sympathy for my housing plight by enquiring solicitously how my housing "transfer" was going.

I'm actually, as far as I know, not having any transfer at all. But I've made out to her that I'm dead keen on this supposedly promised "transfer", as I want her to believe her and Matran's ousting campaign has been working ...

When Matran returned to witness her in dialogue with me he brusquely ordered her UP! and huffed past me into the house, slamming the front door momentously behind them.


I don't know on what grounds Laundretta's claiming her urgent rehousing requirements, as she professes neither to be signed off "sick" by the State, nor to have been put down as "vulnerable" by the Housing. Which means Laundretta, who has set off the fire alarms, headbutted a hole in the back window and did, until a couple of months ago, throw regular fake-weeping tantrums on the staircases (Valium Marilyn revealed that they were faked-up and Valium Marilyn of all people should spot fake tears when she comes across them...) and so on and so on and her staggeringly drunken behaviour. If Laundretta counts as mentally normal then - I'm serious! - there's hope yet for us all!

31C/88F was yesterday's official temperature and it's just as sweltering today.

Phew!

Does anyone know the famous Pensioner Youtuber Peter who posts filmettes of his reminiscences? He goes by the moniker "Geriatric 1927" and his most popular confessionals have accumulated over 2.3 million viewers each ...

Geriatric 1927 is my video star of the day.

Also: have you all seen my Animal Crackers Blog? Give it a mighty great click: I promise you'll love the escapades and entertainments.

Right: that's my Post of the Day over and done with.

Give Geriatric 1927 a click!
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4 comments:

Dizzie said...

The council office... *sigh*

Let's adopt a new way of blogging here, shall we? Don't ask, don't tell. Okey?

LOL

6 August 2007 at 18:29
Inexplicable DeVice said...

Don't your acquaintances have marvellous names. Just splendid!

Matran sounds like a bit of a queen...

6 August 2007 at 19:40
Jéfferson da Silva said...

Oi Gledwood, I did not understand well what you he wanted, but come here to say to it that my language is the Portuguese, and that blog was difficult to read its, but always that he will be able I will go to visit it.

Thanks

6 August 2007 at 21:00
Naomi said...

wow i just watched that video on geriatric 1927 thats definitely pretty interesting...i'm gonna have to go check him out on youtube and watch some past videos!

7 August 2007 at 20:19

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood