HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Robo Hammies

TODAY I WENT ON AN EXTREME MISSION.... my quest began with my phoning all over town ... nobody had them. Shop in Kensington wanted £35 for a pair but they're out of stock till next week... eventually found somewhere right the other side of town that says they sell Robohammies... it took me three bus rides each way... £23 for a bundle of furry entertainment. Man they are so fast! Unstoppable, uncatchable. They do make an entertaining ornament. When they get startled (which means any movement, any noise, anything at all right now, they assume this pyramid formation, each hiding behind another. And probably the same one that voluntarily ran onto my hand, up my arm and dropped onto the floor and scarpered for half an hour being always the one at the front... At the moment they're running the wheel, two in one direction, the other faces the other way and gets spun round and round (it's a wire wheel so he or she can cling on), he is biting at the wire with his nose.... Come to think of it I haven't a clue what sex(es) these critters are or whether they're a mixture. I did notice the one that's tamest towards me keeps climbing on one of the other's backs and that this one looks kind of rounder and more tubby... I wonder why THAT could be! If you want to see what robohammies look like they're on today's youtube screen. But if this is tomorrow click here for a look... film doesn't show up how tiny they are...

This fantastic docu has just been on Radio 4 where a man in a studio randomly calls payphones all over the world and records the resulting dialogues. It was absolutely entrancingly fascinating. If you want to hear it, click here for Radio 4 Listen Again and select Don't Hang Up.

STOP PRESS: when I just tried it Don't Hang Up (which was a repeat) wasn't in Listen Again's Listings... maybe if you try later they'll have got their act together enough to have added it

STOP PRESS 2: try it, click on my listen again link and find "Don't Hang Up" it's right there now. .. well worth a listen if you want something "different" to spew through your computer... you probably can change sites and go bloghopping without losing the soundtrack (usually) though this isn't guaranteed it's happened to me loads of times

These were the videos of the day
Glenn Miller: Moonlight Serenade
"My 3 Robohammies"

27 comments:

Kahshe Cottager said...

Funny ... I have my Mom's Glenn Miller album still. Hearing that music still makes me smile today as it brings back memories! The robohammies are so very cute! Have you named them yet?

tom said...

My song today was by The Transplant's "Tall Cans In The Air"

Edyta said...

*grabs Gled's grandpa & dances around*
i LUV retro tunes, u were right abt telling me that u posted such a wonderful tune!
Although its my grandma's tune too, she'd rather dance to Madonna, she likes her!

RUTH said...

Will we be hearing the pitter patter of baby hamster feet I wonder? Re your commen on my post...I use Netvibes..though I know there are lots of other sites.
Rx

gledwood said...

Kahshe: I went out looking for Glenn Miller today and only found a treble or quadruple CD set... on the cheap but I'm not sure I like the music THAT much to have about 80 tracks of it.... I have not named the hamsters properly I called them Mamma Daddy and Baby as I suspect I know which one got the spherical one pregnant.. Baby is totally wild and uncatchable..
If Spherical is NOT pregnant then she must just like her food a hell of a lot as she seems to weigh half as much again as the other 2

Tom: Tall Cans in the Air? Doesn't ring a bell...

Edyta: Madonna whatever next how old is your grandma tho? Is she one of these superyoung 35 year old grannies?? You do get a lot of them about you know

Ruth: Yes I have a strong suspicion the Spherical one IS pregnant... I cannot come up with any other explanation either that or she has been somehow eating chocolate the other ones could not get their paws on ...
Netvibes... I don't even know how to use that one ...

Queenie said...

Hi darling just checking in, love Glenn Miller.

gledwood said...

Glenn Miller=fantastic
does anyone know, did he ever sing??
or have singers perform with t'band?

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds Just popped in see how your going and thank you for my birthday wishes. like those little Hammies there Cute, and I also like Glen Miller.. Take great care .

Jessica said...

I love old Glenn Miller stuff. It's so romantic! Cute blog.

Deb said...

aw, I love that you have some new "friends" gled...but what about your other "hammy"?, where'd he go? Maybe there was a post that I missed somewhere.

Also, where you had "click here" to see their size, there's nothing to click. :)

I think you may've got more than you bargained for and rather than two you'll have a whole bunch of furry friends soon.

Deb said...

Disregard the question about your other furry friend...just read the answer below (got some catching up to do!)

RAFFI said...

glenn miller is an oldie but goodie. those robohammies are really cute. i need to remember checking their actual size out when i get to the pet store.

Akelamalu said...

Love Glenn Miller. Keep your eye on those hamsters or you'll be overrun!

Gledwood said...

Jeanette: hmmm I am just suspicious/glad that I am/might be about to be deluged by babies as well

unless i really did happen to buy a spherical hamster

Jessica: yeah I found a Glenn Miller CD... but it's EIGHTY tracks long I don't know that I could handle THAT much of it....

Debs: yeah the Chinese hamster is alive and well he put his ears up when he heard rampant roborovski scrabblings ... he is fine absolutely no change... so laid back he's about to fall over

Gledwood said...

Raffi: they are supposed to grow to 5-7cm according to one "authority" and 7-9cm according to "another"... all of which means an average adult body length of 3 inches.. at the moment they come from the nail to the 2nd joint on my index finger... & I have big hands. They are not v big. THEY ARE EXTREMELY FLIGHTY. I've never seen such panicks just because I undo velcro shoe fasteners... etc. Man!

Akelamalu: overrun? i am already. if spherical does give birth i am already going through a mental "who would take four baby hamsters list" in my head....

btw where DOES that name Akelamalu come from and what does it MEAN??? I am intrigued!

ggirl said...

I met some robohammies at my local pet food store a couple of weeks ago. Of course, I immediately thought of you. What cute little guys they are!

Sorry I haven't been by to see you lately--my life is too time consuming! Hahahahah! Take care, Gled! I've missed reading you!

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock is confused.

Are they Hamsters retrofitted with robot/cybernetic parts (which technically makes them cyborgs), or are they full on androids wearing the flesh-skins of hamsters that they've killed?

Either way, they're cute!

Audrey said...

Love Glenn Miller my favourite is Perfidia..cant get it out of my head now...lol

Dont want to frighten you Gleds but my hammy had quite a bit more of a litter than 3 or 4 and I had just found homes for them all when that very morning another litter was born..lol thankfully the pet shop took them off my hands,it was just too darn impossible for me to establish the which hammy was what sex...Used to have a ball and a car for them,great fun to watch them scoot across the room enclosed in their vehicles.. Fingers crossed spherical is just spherical and well fed..Keep well and enjoy them they are soooooooo cute.

Lee said...

Ahhh..."Moonlight Serenade"...a wonderful piece of music. My mother played it on the piano frequently. She was a brilliant pianist. I've got a wide taste in music...it covers many genres and many years.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, they are so pretty, Gleds!

ridac said...

Thanks for your opinion about "Simpatia por el demonio": Symphaty for the devil,my blog is a "feeling", and I want to share this with the universe. You have a nice blog,so long.

gledwood said...

GGirl: why don't you buy 'em!! Can't get 'em for love nor money round here. I had to travel FOUR hours to get mine. Cor

Evil: they are indeed android rodents with machine gun anuses a la Liz Hurley's breasts in Austin Powers

Audrey: yeah I think Spherical might just be older. And have more of an appetite. But NEWS FLASH. I think the really tiny itchy one is a BOY whereas the other 2 are GIRLS but to be honest I don't have the heart to separate them...

gledwood said...

Lee: I like loads of music too and people say "oh I have a wide taste in music too"... a statement they quickly retract when I offer to play BARBRA STREISAND at top blast... taste not wide enough it seems

Welshcakes: yeah and loads of pinging babies soon!... maybe (?)

Ridac: puts me in mind of the Roman Catholic Church's paid "devil's advocates" who argue against the sainting of people like Mother Theresa
hmmm

Liz said...

Those hammies are very cute!

Would you care to fox-trot with me, Gleds?

Gledwood said...

foxtrot???

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood