HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Post 301

WOW.... that's a lotta posting in six months... which is surely how long this blogue's been going...
HEY! I've only had one can today! Which is fantastic, considering it's 7:29pm as I speak...
Does everyone like my Amy Winehouse clips? F Me Pumps and her Never Mind the Buzzcocks drunk "performance" ... she is funnay!!
What's to tell today? Not very much except I've been heartily knackered out.
Had a bath this morning.
Elvis the gnome left a log in the toilet that was unflushable... man I don't know what the guy had been eating but this one had bark peeling off it, I swear ..!
A naked four year old Turkish boy just ran into the street and was about to start peeing up the front of the family shop when his mother came, packed him up, carting him in upside down ... That family are pretty crazy... They had an endlessly chirping budgie in their video shop. I don't know why it's not there any more. And their little boy has this electric toy tractor thing he goes gradddering up and down the pavements in as his dad and about seven uncles smoke cigarettes and talk about drugs consignments or whatever business keeps their very sparse local shops afloat ... (It's well known the Turks are bringing most of the heroin in. Strangely nine out of ten times you hear about drugs seizures it's always cocaine and not heroin that's been found. Am I the only one who finds this slightly odd??)
Right that's me for today I don't have lots to say ...
... O! But the Louis Armstrong CD is excellent!

***

Edyta asked me why the little Turkish boy wears no clothes... sorry it was a slight exaggeration, he had on a teeshirt but was naked from there down (ie the rude bits!)... and he was about to chirpily pee all over the front of their shop.. I mean...!!

If you like the second Amy Winehouse clip (her drunk on the BBC2 show) you can CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE AMY WINEHOUSE ON THE BUZZCOCKS - Entire show uncut! ... sorry but that's all Youtube have; else I'd have pasted up the entire show for yous ...

Oh, and if you want another entertaining Winehouse clip: see her here desperately upstaging Charlotte Church on an impromptu duetted rendition of Michael Jackson's Beat It! (yes! her of the "angel" voice has become an endlessly tubbing-out beerdrinking swearer with a TV show to match. Though no-one in the UK needs to be reminded of that little fact ...)

I HAVE TOLD MYSELF I AM WRITING MY MEMOIRS: what do you think of this idea? Is it a good one? I wanted to write a warning on the dangers of drugs that not only preaches to "say no" but explains how, as fully as possible, an ordinary person like me can get addicted. And how very hard it is to turn your life around once you are trapped ...

SORRY if today's post was a bit boring... was it? I force myself to post every day and not worry about the resulting blarble ... is it just blarble sometimes ..? .. surely , sometimes ...??~!?(!)

***

BEST BLOG OF THE DAY: POST WAR KID... excellent reminiscences in writing ...

17 comments:

Edyta said...

i looooved the 1st video.

& surely luis' cd would be fabulous. the classics.

& what was up with that turkish boy? didnt anyone teach him to actually WEAR his clothes sometimes?

Liz said...

Hey, Gledwood, you've got an award over at my blog!

Gledwood said...

Eds: He is very naughty and adored. Turkish young boys are treated like little princes by their mothers and fathers so they can get away with murder ...

Liz: THANKS MOST EXCELLENTLY I WILL SHOWCASE IT TOMORROW WITH MY NOMINATIONS TO THE ACADEMY...

Zhu said...

A naked four year old Turkish boy just ran into the street and was about to start peeing up the front of the family shop when his mother came, packed him up, carting him in upside down ... That family are pretty crazy...

Hum... yeah. I agree. The family does sound a bit crazy.

About writing your memoires... I think it's a great idea. People need to know more about drugs, something in between propaganda and just say no.

The best book I read about drug was "Flash", written by a French guy (Charles Duchaussois) who took the trip to Nepal in the 1970. Great writer and honest.

Audrey said...

Love Lois Armstrong and think the writing your memoirs is an excellent idea you have valuable insights worth sharing. Do it!! :)

AintNeverScared said...

I think the blog is interesting even when you think you've nothing to say. That's the mark of a talented writer. I'm not butterin' you up or anything (to what end?) Just tellin' it like I see it, mate!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Two things, Gleds:

1. I think writing your memoirs is a great idea;
2. Neither you nor your blog is not, repeat not, boring.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I'll answer a question you asked me about what I do as a job.

I type medical reports. I work two days a week in the city for a bunch of ophthalmologists or eye surgeons. Then from home I work doing the same thing but for various specialties, and I also proofread and correct the others' work.

I only work the mornings from home, then the afternoon is mine to do whatever...sleep, lunch, visit, blog, babysit and drink coffee with my neighbour. It's a good life.

electropie said...

heya.
thanks, i'm great, just returned from a great holiday. how are you?

sure, you can "steal" anything on my blog, i'd be happy :) i'm trying to keep up with here via RSSs, but i'll be gone for 1-2 months time, won't have much time to update my blog. :/

Steve G said...

You have some interesing neighbors.

Cheers,

Steve

daubmir said...

Xist, man, you do post a lot!
Keep up the good work, and don't inject too often, I say.

Cheers & ciao

~K

Makun said...

どうもありがとうございます。。。

Edyta said...

wish i were a turkish young boy....

gledwood said...

Zhu: I will look 4 that book ...

Audrey: OK then i WILL!!

Ain't Never Scared: hmmmm i never thought of it like that i have to admit..!!...

gledwood said...

PussInBoots: o! that is quite a fascinating job then!

Electropie: thanx!

Steve G: o, yeah. "interesting" is hardly the word for them ...

gledwood said...

Daubmir: ok i try not to ...

Makun: o genki desu ka??

Edyta: livin' in London..? Come to London to pursue your supermodel acting rock star career you KNOW you can do it!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood