HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Shrink Result: Spherical Error?

PSYCHIATRIC ASSESSMENT II THIS MORNING. Result. Have been depressed in past. Not depressed now (wahey!!) Had psychotic episode caused or not helped by crack over a year ago. Have strong obsessional streak to personality. Also prone to paranoia sometimes (but do not have paranoid personality). Verdict: never use cannabis or crack again. Stop heroin which is what I want anyhow. Ta-da-da-da-daaaaargh!!

Re the hamsters, I am pretty sure Spherical and Bashful are girls. Bashful is also starting to look markedly spherical too so it's difficult to tell them apart. Itchy (so called because he has been obsessively washing his back) is dead easy to tell apart.... not only the manically wet back fur he is tiny compared to the other two. And has a suspicious pink patch underneath. (I got him to stand on an empty CD case.)

So even if there's no babies on the way now... there soon may well be unless I do anything about this...

Itchy is far tamer than the other two. I was trying to train Spherical to walk on my hands. Which she does with great reluctance. (Roborovskis are extremely flighty animals and often never get as tame as ordinary dwarf hamsters. That's just what they're like and I knew this before I got them.) I want her as calm as possible in case she does have babies. It would not do to have a panicking mother dashing about threatening to eat her offspring (which is what they do under stress). Bloody cannibals. All will tolerate me putting my hand down among them without running away: they just come up and sniff it. But none of them actually seems to enjoy being handled and Itchy is so tiny. He's about 1cm shorter than the other two, who come from my fingertip to the second joint of my index finger. About 6cm long or just short of 2 inches...

Hey have a look at the ballbusting entertainment clip I posted today. This is a man hitting a note so high it is off the piano keyboard. Beneath it we have a woman "singing" in the octave above soprano top C upto "G7" in musical nomenclature. I just put this up to prove Mariah Carey is not unusually talented, and this "whistle register" to me sounds horrible and that is not merely a criticism of pitch: I've heard garden birds who sing even higher than Mr Lopez but their voices are sublimely beautiful. Far more than a hypersonic car-alarm screech..!

Contrasted at the top is Barbra Streisand: real singing!

Many thanks Kahshe for this tip: Hampster Dance Website

Today's Videos Were
Streisand: Papa Can You Hear Me
Streisand: Evergreen

Highest ever male voice: Australia's Adam Lopez
Highest human voice ever: Brazil's Georgia Brown


Liz said...

Sounds like you've got an on-the-ball psychiatrist!

Oooh, are you going to be an uncle?

Serr8d said...

Talk about you inexact sciences, psychiatry...I agree, though, give up anything you have to stick in your arm (arm drugs, we used to call them; nothing good comes from them.) One of my best friends got carried away with the stuff, wound up with hepatitis or aids (don't know which, he disappeared, his parents quietly carried him away to Florida, I think, they wouldn't tell anyone he knew where.) Hope he's still alive. We had many good times, but he chose a route that I couldn't find a way to keep him off.

Another friend was deeply into using/selling LSD. Someone came into his house at night and bashed in his head. After the steel plate, his IQ went from exceptional to about 60, or less. He was a YES fanatic, loved BMW's, and could play pool as well as a British Snooker player!

Another got shot, in the head, while drunk in someone's driveway. Drove up with an 'instigator' who shot out the houses' windows (an old feud) then the car wouldn't start. 'Instigator' ran off. 30-30 rifle shot, took dude's head off. They found his ear in the driveway, the next day.

Others from our group, cleaned up. To a degree...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Obsessive, paranoid...I can relate to that, sometimes.

Soooo, a pregnant hamster. Has she been playing around behind your back? I'd ground her if I were you...tsk tsk. What are hamsters coming to these days.

BTW you know more about them than I do, even the fact that they're illegal in Australia. Wondered why I hadn't seen one...

My education is sadly lacking...sigh.

Have a good week, Gleds.

Odat said...

Just dropping by to check up on ya..;-) and to say hi. Not "high".

pissed off patricia said...

I may be repeating myself, but I will tell you what I tell others. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. You'll be fine if you do.

Naomi Joy said...

your making me want hamsters! At my old place I was never allowed any pets except fish and now at this place I have never bothered to get anything because I can't have anything that isn't in a cage!

gledwood said...

Liz: Yeah he was very perceptive as psychiatrists go

Serr8d: OOER! Can LSD really lower to IQ to 60 or does it merely shatter the attention span making an IQ test impossible?? I wonder... actually what am i saying? probably it's all the same difference

o yeah they're illegal in Aus bc the Govt thought they'd become agricultural pests if they got out and bred ... which would be quite someting in the Golden Hamster which they do not know whether it actually lives wild any more (in Syria/Turkey where it was originally caught)... Though I do recall a news report from 1980s London about escaped hamsters having formed a ferral colony on a South London housing estate.. how cute is THAT???

gledwood said...

Odat: keep wid da programme. UR doin' better than me. Far better ...
P'd of P: you know what I keep 4getting 2do that. Quite pathetic I know but I do ...
Naomi: I would get tropical fish with an African Dwarf frog (they are really entertaining), freshwater shrimps and apple snails...

or Roborovski hamsters

or winter white Russian hamsters

you can keep both types in groups

Winter whites are apparently harder to find in North America than Campbells but are better natured. They are dark grey-black and white with a prominent dorsal stripe... in winter they go a frostier version of this coloration hence the name... but they only change colour if you keep the lighting low otherwise no difference...

also winter whites aren't as nocturnal as Robos so they're more ideal if you want to poke them out during the day

and they're far tamer

only ONE of my hammies shows any sign of developing real tameness...


Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood