Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

What's in a Vision? Doherty. Argos. Etc

RE MY VISION IN THAT CARRIER BAG, someone pointed out that it could be a message of encouragement (so typical of me to see things in a negative light ...) maybe I misinterpreted the kindly smile as a smirk ... I don't know ... well I wasn't expecting to see a face looking back at me there, was I~??

Re Pete Doherty: I know I promised to write something about him today, didn't I? Well what's to write? Basically, since that dream of being with Pete in rehab and those wasps the size of budgies buzzing back and forth into the wall, I've seen Pete Doherty as a kindly soul. In the dream he was friendly and not an idiot at all. In this country he is seen as an idiot. Not only does he have an idiotic face, but he keeps getting caught repeatedly with drugs ... how on earth does he manage that? His face it too recognizable and they know he's going to be carrying, I expect ... Anyway, now, having read his poor, bedraggled, heartfelt plea in the Daily Mirror, and having seen how articulate he actually seems to be I take pity on the poor guy. I hope he does manage to get clean someday. Currently he's fitted with an antiheroin implant (naltrexone). But you can only get these from expensive private clinics at present ...

Well I've made a big dent in that £20 note (didn't give it to the dealer though! Wahey!!) ... If only I'd had £24 I saw something I really wanted. It's a DAB digital radio from Argos. (Click here to see it.) At £24 that's by far the cheapest I've ever seen such devices for sale ...

I have aquaria on the blinkin' brain. Dunno why as I've not a hope of setting one up where I currently live ... That's a massive reason why I want to get my life together and move out ...

OK here's two more "clips of the day":

Black and White. I'm not saying any more. Just click it. It's so cute ...

Wayward Son's cute little doggie Moxie

***

DAB radio is a locally broadcast digital radio (it doesn't use satellites). If you're interested in getting satellite radio in Europe, it is available from the Hotbird satellite. You can get BBC World Service etc ... Click here for more info. ("Satellite radio" btw means you can listen anywhere. The sets are portable, but the signals come from above. (Signals are powerful enough that a dish isn't needed.) It is not like radio via SKY TV, which (of course) comes through the TV set ...)
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8 comments:

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gledwood, puss was purring and is fine and well thanks and yes the owl is for real - the cute thing about the one I heard it's call sounds like it's saying "More Pork" and they have the nickname of the Mopoke *!*
Just seen your two clips - laughed at the first you can hear them eating
and the two dogs .... Heidi is wise looking and little Moxie looks cheeky.

Good work with the 20 pound *!*

2 August 2007 at 23:53
robkroese said...

Dude, you post so much that I can't possibly keep up. Are you on drugs or something? (j/k)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi. :)

3 August 2007 at 06:28
Anonymous said...

Loved the bunny clip! By the way, ever see http://www.cuteoverload.com ??

I used to subscribe to sattelite radio back home, but since I'm in Europe half the time I only get to use it the other half. As it was getting more expensive, I opted to cancel it. How much does it cost over here?

3 August 2007 at 11:40
Anonymous said...

BTW, I found this link to the the profile / blog of another young hammie lover ...

http://profiles.blogdrive.com/allisonshai/

3 August 2007 at 11:45
Steph said...

So happy that you didn't use that twenty to score. :)Good on you!

3 August 2007 at 11:54
Akelamalu said...

Loved the bunnies.

I'm so glad the dealer didn't get your money!

3 August 2007 at 13:30
Naomi said...

I haven't heard from you in awhile...:(

3 August 2007 at 18:17
Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Thanks, Gleds, for the radio info. I will read it again tomorrow. Re Pete Doherty, I haven't read the DM coverage but whatI hate most about him is having a skinny gorlfriend!

Hope you have a good weekend.

3 August 2007 at 23:33

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood