WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? It's a highly pertinent question: I'm the only person I know who can sleep quite adequately most of the night, then (wishing to avoid the drug dealers of the day, admittedly) remain in bed and slumber the entire day through past nine a.m. and through to five!
This happened to me ~ yet again ~ today. And I was not out of it; I was not stoned. I drank 50mg methadone around five or six in the morning, which is a morning's supply (I save a bit on for the evening). Methadone, when you're a terminal junkie like me, does nothing to "intoxicate", it merely holds you "normal" ~ the idea being that no heroin is required. Though because methadone does not intoxicate lots of people on the programme do itch for something more and frequently find themselves using heroin on top. It's a depressing game and one I'm tired of, hence my casting around for some distractions that might carry me further from the drugs "scene", which is what I hope I might get from this novel scenario stewing inside me.
I've had all sorts of advice that's basically along the lines of not putting the cart before the horse, not worrying about what you're going to write next, get this one done first... which is all fair enough except I want to make a career out of this if I can and I know well enough what the publishing business is like. If you hit upon a bestselling idea they're going to push for more more more of the same. It's for this reason ~ not wanting to be known as a druggie writer ~ as much as anything else that I'm so happy with my present concept. It has nothing at all to do with drugs... And I'm far happier with fiction than autobiography (remember those memoirs I was (very slowly) attemptedly churning out those months ago. No matter how hard I persisted I never felt the idea catch light. Plus I had reservations about putting my own life in print. I didn't think it was fair on family or friends (who had been thrown into the blurriest focus possible)... and also, as I say, wishing to make a career out of writing and knowing the way the business views things, if I'd have made a name as a writer of misery memoirs, misery memoirs part 2, 3, ...10,427 would be demanded of me. Interesting my story might be but it does only really cover ONE book. There's far more commercial potential in fiction and that's always what I'd wanted to do: write the type of airport bestseller that has you so spellbound if you're not careful you'll end up missing your flight!
I'm adding great ideas by the day to my notes. Soon I'll be ready to tackle chapter one (again). The first version was so terrible an eight year-old child could have done better. I'm going to shut up about novelisteering now. For writing IT is my focus; not writing about it~!
Also: talk about "Glass Half Full" but have I set a Blogger record for losing the most followers? Nary a day goes past, after gaining one or two, that suddenly I'm one or two down ~ or the number of followers remains the same, only their faces are different! What's happening here? Am I honestly boring or offending people in such droves? Should I post about alpine rockery shrubs and daisies? I already to a Furry Saturday: maybe it's my roborovski hammies and harvest mice that are turning people off!
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