HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Furry Friday on Saturday 1

HERE'S A CAPYBARA, largest rodent in the world... and strangely (though you'd never see this from photographs; they always seem to accentuate robo-tubbiness) the body-shape's pretty similar to Itchy and Bashful's (Spherical's far too fat to look like that...)

I've given up looking for a robo-picture that shows the resemblance in any meaningful way, but perhaps you can grasp it from this (exaggeratedly small measurement: they're about twice the dimensions given 1.5 to 2 inches)...




Have a furry weekend, y'all!!

POKING A FURRY CAPYBARA:~
Doesn't it sing like a sealion... (or something...)



SURFING CAPYBARA:~
A tame one, in someone's personal pool. How entertaining:~



泳ぐハムスター SWIMMING HAMSTER:~
Bordering on animal-cruelty, in my opinion...
Here's some Japanese people getting awfully excited 'bout their swimming "hamustaa"


26 comments:

Mels said...

i want one.

ha :)

Bimbimbie said...

Now I'd like to see a Kookaburra have a try bashing the daylights out of one of those rotund Capybara ... wouldn't be up for laughing after it's effort I bet ;)

Are you up late or early ... pinch n a punch for the 1st Gleds *!*

Gledwood said...

MELS: what: a capybara or a robbie?

BIMBIMBIE: 1st of the month. eh, i never even noticed...

Crushed said...

Capybara were counted as honororary fish by the church- for the purposes of that you could eat them on a Friday.

Don't ask me why.

Bimbimbie said...

Just read your previous post ...chin up Gleds we still love you and your furry family - Syd is right forget about the follower thing, blogging isn't a religion is it? Or who has the most followers dies happy - I inwardly groaned when Blogger introduced that "feature" - pen up and keep it rolling across the page x

Gledwood said...

CRUSHED: WOW you could say that about any aquatic critter then... why WAS it Fish on Friday..??

BIMBIMBIE: I don't get too bothered these days, I just wonder why on earth people click to follow me then drop out within a oouple of days... I mean if it says "heroin addict" what on earth do they expect? Tea with the vicar every day or what??

Bimbimbie said...

LOL ... people still judge by covers I suppose ... more fool them*!*

That poor little hammie with the little girl and her parents filming it grrrr :(

Baino said...

OH god so cute! the Capybara that is. I knew about them but didn't know they made any noise. I guess they sound like amplified guinea pigs. As for the Japanese . . .I'll never understand them, totally disceplined, inconceivably cruel and often quite mad. Poor little hammy! At least the Capybara has webbed feet, he's meant to swim!

Gledwood said...

some people have no respect for animals I know

i still would love to know what possesses people to "follow" me ~ KNOWING I'm a raving smackhead... then give up ~ probably because I'm a raving smackhead... I mean...????!????

Gledwood said...

BAINO I missed you there as I was pressing return probably the same split second you were...

yeah I never knew a capybara was so like a sealion even though it's a rodent... as for people making their hamster swim and filming it... I find that bizarre

Bimbimbie said...

... it'll do your head in trying to wonder about what goes on inside other heads*!*

Gledwood said...

aye! you're not wrong there!!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

One thing I like about capybaras is their name...dunno why. But they're a strange looking creature, aren't they?

Gledwood said...

I suppose the name must come from some mysterious pudding-basin-haircut Amazonian Indian tribespeople...

... hey our messages crossed in the etheric mail just now I was at yours ...

Bimbimbie said...

Any sign of your regular sleeping pattern returning ?

Gledwood said...

not yet!
:-<...

Bimbimbie said...

Might be lack of vit D due to winter days and no sunshine over there ...

Gledwood said...

they say melatonin does something but I'm highly suspicious of taking it in tablet form... i don't think that substitutes for one's own brain manufacturing it for one...

yeah maybe it IS lack of sunshine and carrots ... I've had very little of either lately...

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Anonymous said...

From watching a few seconds of the video, it looks like the hamster want to escape from sink rather than enjoying swimming. I wouldn't do this to my Roborovski dwarfs as they are more interested in the wheel and nothing else. Not even a roaring dinosaur can distract them.
Anyway the Japanese are pretty eccentric. Evil racist scum are probally eat hamsters and their own pet dogs for lunch.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood