HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Furry Funeral


SPHERICAL ROBOROVSKI IS DEAD!

I noticed over the last few days no midnight squeakings from the wheel. A hamster going off its wheel is like an Irish person going off drink ~ it's totally out of character.

Shortly after Bashful's death, she slimmed down and became little and runtlike just like her and Itchy. She stopped being so active and hobbled around. Also her senses faded, so that I could put in my hand and she'd jump out of her skin when finally she realized it was there.

That is quite a weird thing in a rodent. Rodents after all rely on their senses to survive the great outside ...

I know when hamsters are on the way out, so it wasn't a great surprise...

But this is the end of an era. I am now completely hamsterless.

REST IN PEACE, SPHERICAL ...

THIS was Itchy, Bashful and Spherical when they were alive:





If you want to comment but can't see the box, move cursor to envelope signal and commentary option should appear ...

14 comments:

Jeannie said...

Sorry about Spherical going too. Even if we expect it, it's still so sad. Funny how we people can get so attached to other creatures.

Akelamalu said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this Gleds m'dear. x

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dearest Gleddy,
So VERY SORRY to hear about Spherical. I do hope you will go out and get some more hamsters. They can't replace Spherical, but maybe they will make you less sad and take your mind off Spherical's passing some.

You are loved.

SB

Gattina said...

How sad ! It's a pity that these little critters don't live long.
I came back from England, stopped in London for the day before I took the Eurostar home. One thing I noticed, the pubs smell bad because of the smoking ban and there are a lot of constructions and digging going on. I suppose that is for the Olympic games. Covent garden had a Michael Jackson imitator, that was really great !

Gledwood said...

JEANNIE: indeed :-<...

AKELAMALU: :-<...

SB: I might get winter white Siberian ("Russian") hamsters. I had one before and one Campbells "condensed hamster" the winter white was very nice natured. The Campbells kept threatening to bite me ...

GATTINA: There's actually less construction and digging than before the "credit crunch" ...

... smoking ban? Don't talk about it. I noticed a pack of Marlboros in one of your photos, so I suspect your views might chime with mine on THAT score ...

... you took Eurostar? Lucky you!

Liz said...

Oh I'm sad to hear that. Your little hamsters became part of all our lives and your tales about them kept us entertained. The end of an era. for now. xx

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, I'm sorry to hear about little Spherical Carrot Nose, she maybe missed her two little family members ... no matter how small a pet they always leave a big emotional hole in our hearts.

I see you are thinking of Siberian hamsters ... you'll have to post a pici of what they look like*!*

Baino said...

Aww, I can't help thinking that she might have been lonely without her little ping pals. So sorry . .

Vincent said...

I'm very sorry to hear this Gled :-( I hope she is now walking and jumping in the eternal fields of green, together with her previous mates.

Not everybody appreciates this question so soon after their pet died but I'll ask it anyway: Are you thinking of caring for a few new ones?

I hope you are doing well.

Vince.

molson said...

So sad to hear the last of the pingsters checked out. Well you gave them a happy pingery while they were alive. Now they can move on to the next plane of existence as we all shall. If I had an ale, I'd drink a toast to the pingiest trotterdonkeys that ever lived.

Nellie said...

Aw, Gleds, I'm so sorry to hear about Spherical. No matter if you know it's coming, the loss of a friend, no matter how little, is hard. Did you give her a little funeral? I always hold one for my pets, from fish to sheep. Even if it's just a little stick cross in the woods, it helps me say goodbye. I hope you do get the Russian guys eventually, they would be fun to hear about. Hope you're well.

Gledwood said...

LIZ: aye, but I posted up a mega googled picture collection today ... if I do get more hammies you'll be the first to know ...

BIMBIMBIE: aye I will. Grey, twice as big and very sweet natured. Not flighty and pingy like robos, these actually don't mind being picked up ...

BAINO: maybe she was, they don't naturally live alone in the wild ...

VINCENT: yeah I might get Russian hamsters "winter whites". They a "dwarf" species but far bigger than robos. And much easier to handle. And social, unlike "normal" giant hamsters

NELLIE: she's lying in state at the moment. The funeral will have to be very soon as it's high summer and hot hot hot, know what I mean ...

MOLSON: Aye!! Spherical Carrotnose Trotterdonkey finally pinged to that big wheel in the sky ...

Syd said...

So sad. I read today's post first. I will miss reading about dear Spherical. I really hope that you do get another one or two.

Gledwood said...

I might well do so ...

no decision yet tho ...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood