HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, August 14, 2009

My New Addiction:

YES: ANGEL DELIGHT, specifically in the butterscotch flavour.

Take 300mls cold milk, preferably in the milk container. Pour on one pack butterscotch Angel Delight. Close bottle. Shake well for half to one minute.

(Alternatively whisk by hand or blender in mixing bowl. Or if you're me using a fork does just as well, just takes longer ...)

Mixture by this time will be well thickening.

Quickly pour out into a bowl. Leave to thicken for a further five minutes, by which time it has the consistency of a light mousse...

... and voilà! Superbe!

PS this actually has no connexion with the British instant whipping desert; but here's Betty Crocker's recipe for a "berry angel delight" ...

PPS my googlings have unearthed that foreigners believe Angel Delight is a British phenomenon. Not so! The local shop does a Turkish version, only the chocolate one's oversweetened and the strawberry is OK, with chocolate bits but it's 89p a pack whereas Morrisons Value strawberry is 6p (and adding a bashed-up Cadbury's Flake is far superior to the Turkish premixed brand... and Angel Delight proper currently retails at 47p... not bad.


Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love rice pudding, Gleddy. England has some good rice pud.

Unfortunately, they don't sell this product (Angel) over here.

Have a great weekend!


Gattina said...

That makes me think that I need a cup of tea with a good piece of chocolate cake, lol ! I have a great time here in Eastbourne there is the airshow going on, lot of fun and no litter !

Cathy said...

Ah yes - anything butterscotch. Lovely recipe! On the funny side, there's a UK drink that says "Do not turn upside-down" on the bottom of the carton lmao.

Nicole said...

I remember having something very similar in Croatia and it was good because you didn't need any equipment to prepare it. I used to make it while camping for the summer.

Jeannie said...


Sounds like the old "Shake a Pudding" from the 60's or 70's

Shaista said...

Thankyou for leaving a comment on my blog. Your blog is very interesting and I particularly like the sushi bar on the right... tempting, too tempting for the middle of the night...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Too sweet for me, I'm afraid. But if you're going to have an addiction, that's a good one. At least it's legal, Gleds...lol!

Gledwood said...

SB: I'm sure you could order it by mail ... if you really wanted.

Actually the Betty Crocker recipe, despite my protestations is a natural strawberry-cream version of the same thing...

Gattina: make sure you get some Angel Delight before you go back~!!!

Cathy: o I love that

Nicole: I know ~ isn't it milky-milky yummylovely?

Gledwood said...

Jeannie: haha!!

Shaista: you're most welcome. Ain't that sushibar film a classic?!?

PussInBoots: yes legal ... for once

Having said that so is alcohol and that causes more harm than all "drugs" put together ...

I know someone who's been on heroin, crack ... etc for years. And has now gone into rehab for DRINK of all things. Hmmm....

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ The recipe sounds great
so I must try it.And so simple. Yum.
I am glad you didn't mind me showing that lovely Picture you posted a while back. If a blog says, "don't
take my pictures or writing" I do not
take anything of theirs.
We have porcupines and echidnas here
and they look very similar to your hedgehogs. Take great care,y friend
Regards, Merle.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Now that's a good addiction, Gleds!

Janice said...

That looks very light, and with fruit a nice treat.




Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood