I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS, and I wish I could change my attitude, but every day on methadone is a miserable day. Nothing ever seems to fit, nothing sticks. Nothing's ever right. The only way I manage it is by keeping self and money strictly separate and avoiding venturing anywhere non-essential till after 5:30, by which time the Post Office is closed. I don't keep any money in a cashcard account.
One of the Operatives who run the antidruggie Groups and Workshops and the Operative who interviewed me about my Mental Health History both seem to feel this is some sort of underlying depression manifesting as soon as heroin's not there screening it off.
I used to think it was just that I wanted an excuse to use, that my heart wasn't in the right place and that my attitude was wrong. But now I'm starting to believe perhaps these people have a point ...
It's not like I have nothing to do, but the last 3 days nothing could engage me, nothing distracted me. I was doing "really well". Though I got highly annoyed waking up feeling rattled and slightly nauseous every morning until the methadone came on gradually, like a high tide, hiding the wasteland beach of my despair~(!!)
Heroin's far more efficient. It hits like a tsunami. No messing about there.
Even professional drugs services ~ detox units and the like hate methadone. They advise on the record to avoid methadone as far as possible in the week before Rapid Detox because methadone stays in the body an inordinate length of time and drags out withdrawal symptoms horrifically.
I know one particular individual who was forced to come off methadone in prison some years ago and refuses to touch it to this day, it was such a harrowing experience.
I don't know what I'm going to achieve by saying this but just wanted my say ~ moan moan moan moan moan.
Illustration: top right, a model African Pygmy Hedgehog. I just thought I'd distract yous all with something more exciting to you than the predictable methadone-bottle post-illustration ...
Centre: sorry. Methadone clinic, Germany.
Bottom right, for those who missed it in Furry Friday on Saturday, a New Zealand hedgehog. Aren't they the cutest..?!?
THE CARPENTERS ~ RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS
~ and here's another!! ~
CARPENTERS ~ WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN
Getting personal - I'm leading Zac's tonight. We've been studying the gospel of Luke and tonight we arrive at the Last Supper. I grew up attending an Anglican church - I was ...
5 hours ago