HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Need to Clean

I'M out and about, floating around, doing my "chores" ~ which consist of picking up methadone and purchasing more Angel Delight. (Isn't life painful.) I noted the local supermarket are totally cleaned out of butterscotch flavour, which is mostly down to me. So I had to compromise and buy the (slightly) yukki(er) own brand.

I'm not that addicted to Angel Delight. I've never done more than three packets in a day. Usually I do just the one. That's 300mls of nutritious milk I'm taking in, I tell myself. Along with artificial flavourings, colours, sweeteners and a gluey conglomeration of modified potato and milk starches and sugars. Yummmmmmm!! It does whip up a treat.

Which reminds me, Own Brand "Strawberry Whipping Desert" is on sale at just 6p a pack. Added to 250mls cold milk it's a tasty treat for all the family. The local Turkish "masaj" parlour also do something similar-sounding to Strawberry Whipping Desert. But theirs costs £135. Can anyone think why...??!

But now most urgently I turn to the subject of the day: cleaning. A singularly thorough "spring" clean is in the "offing". At present my accommodation looks like Al Qaeda have nuked a pigsty. Which is not pretty, let me tell you.

My one consolation is that I can behave like the housewives in the movies, shake-rattle and rolling with the feather duster as Linguaphone "Ivrit" עברית blasts at top volume.

Yeah man: Barbra Streisand in The Way We Were learning French as she piningly awaits Robert Redford to return home ...

Does anyone know where feather dusters might be purchased these days? Perhaps Harrods might do 'em. After all, they're "never knowingly undersold". O no that's John Lewis. But Harrods used to boast they'd get you anything. Didn't they used to stock lion cubs in the pets dept.?

Anyhow I must fly. Do have a charming day y'all ..!!

Look at this trotterdonkey lion from Harrods playing in a field:



The way they were; the way we all were: young and beautiful ...

11 comments:

willow said...

Murgatroyd is well known in my neck of the woods.

Hey, thanks for stopping by the manor.

Akelamalu said...

You don't want a feather duster - they just waft the dust about! You need one of those that 'picks up' the dust which you can then wash off.

You're not pregnant are you are you feel the need to spring clean? LOL

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Have a smashing day, Gleddy!

Sending love,

SB

Jeannie said...

I remember going to see that movie way back...

Gledwood said...

WILLOW:yes but who or what IS this "Murgatroyd" person/thing/phenomenon/whatever

AKELAMALU: no but I'm probably turning into a woman. Hence the cooking noodles whilst doing French Linguaphone and poncing about with a feather duster imagery ...

SARCASTIC BASTARD: cheers dears! ;->...

JEANNIE:

Gledwood said...

JEANNIE: sorry I totally forgot to include you DUR. Yes I know it from TV in the mid-80s. It's easy to forget how Babs Streisand was "Queen of Hollywood" throughout the 1970s. Producers say as long as she sang one track somewhere in it, the film was bound to be a hit.

Baino said...

At least being addicted to Angel Delight is better than being addicted to smack. As for your duster, get one of those 'magic' duster things, the dust clings and you can rinse it out and you can dust around your delicate things haha! I'm such a 'clean' freak.

Janice said...

I use swifter dusters, when your done you took off the fluffy bit and toss it.

Good luck with the house cleaning.

Janice~

Syd said...

Gleds, good luck with the cleaning. I am not a duster expert. One of our best $$ were spend on a maid.

Gledwood said...

BAINO: You been watching too much Harry Potter? ... magic dusters? you serious?

Actually I think I may have heard of them. They use static to stick to it ... but then how do you unstick except by sticking your fingers in mains electricity? ... sorry my grasp of the laws of physics is fairly rudimentary but surely you un-electric things by means of a superior electric charge ..??

JANICE: I don't really need a duster. It was just an entertaining turn of phrase I came up with. A mop is far more appropriate. Considering I have laminate flooring. An extremely thorough mopping is definitely in order ...

SYD: a maid? You serious? How d'you get one for $5??

Anonymous said...

A little off topic, Guys... I have a question. Today I trapped on this site:
[url=http://www.rivalspot.com]Rivalspot.com - Ps3 Live Tournaments[/url]
They say you can play online NCAA Basketball game tournaments on any console for cash... had anyone tried that before? Looks like a cool idea...
Are there any other sites where you can play sports games for real moneys? I Googled and found only Bringit.com and Worldgaming.com but it looks these guys don't specialize in sport gamez. Any suggestions?

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood