HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, October 24, 2009



THESE CENTRAL AMERICAN AMPHIBIANS look like kindly space aliens...

Axolotls are actually a weird type of salamander. They live in the murky depths of mysterious Mexican lakes... Their bodies go through several stages and mutations according to whether they are living sub-aqua, on the ground, or wherever ... This is a fairly young one:

They don't mind coming out of the water at all, like this one in natural coloration:

They can even do party tricks. Just like this suspiciously toy-looking one...
I'm not too into animals in "pet shop friendly" colours, but I have to say I do prefer these in pink to sludge green, and I like the 90s style party-ruff:

The colour I prefer most of all is yellow, like this one, which somehow reminds me of Mrs Thatcher ...

See what I mean about axolotl shape-shifting? This one's different again... The most remarkable thing about alolotls is their ability to REGROW CHOPPED OFF LIMBS...! As all animals will be able to do when "the lion lies down with the lamb" in paradise...

Isn't this little guy cute..?!

Baby axolotls are just like tadpoles! Very tiny ... and CUTE..!!

Axolotls in the wild page ...

Keeping axolotls as pets page ...


Puss-in-Boots said...

Looks like Mrs Thatcher...lol. But I see what you mean, it's that trap like mouth.

I think they rather remind me of geckoes...probably distantly related like 7th cousins twice removed or something. They're certainly an unusual and fascinating creature.

Gledwood said...

But unlike gekkos they slumber about in sludgy lake-bottoms and cannot scuttle upside down on ceilings!

Thank you for being the ONLY PERSON to comment here, I'm honoured!

Janice said...

I had one of those as a pet. It was the slug green one though, and a lot of fun until it changed into an ugly salamander.


Gledwood said...

I want a pink one or a yellow one. They're quite rare here and I've only seen them for sale in Harrods. Apparenntly you can't keep them with fish, however, in case they EAT each other..!

Gledwood said...

That natural coloured one there looks like godzilla!

btw did you have you keep it in heated water or room temp?

WAT said...

Oh wow, these little buggers are pretty cute.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Wow. I've never heard of or seen one of these before. COOL!

Syd said...

Interesting critters. Love those gills.

Baino said...

Nah sorry Gleds, ugly little buggers and they bite!

Anonymous said...

Baino: Actually, Axolotls lack the jaw strength to "bite". They actually use their teeth to latch on to their prey, and typically they cannot pierce human skin. You may feel their teeth at your skin, but you definitely won't feel pain. I used to pick my little guys up all the time (mostly for feeding), and after they get used to it they try to latch on to you, and it's actually a really interesting feeling.

Anonymous said...

Whaaaa?! Axolotls should not be taken out of the water their skin is very delicate and easily damaged by human hands and they will not survive for long out of water, they cant even support their own body weight out of the water, where the hell did you hear that this was fine to do? also that suspiciously toy looking axolotl is a toy! Axolotls also dont morph that is why they are so special comapared to other salamanders they will only morph if water conditions are intolerable but as axies are not built to morph they will not survive for long. Anyone intrested in owning an axolotl should not take notice of this info, just look at the pics! Axolotl.org and caudata.org are fantastic sources of information on these animals!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood