on seeing a doctor ~ hopefully the irresponsible one who offered to switch me straight from over 120mg methadone to Subutex ~ to INSIST on getting off this CRAP as fast as I can. I want the dose lowered every single week until it's well under 100. I'm not worried about withdrawals. I can cure them my own way and no chemicals are involved. I want OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF.My house looks like a bomb has hit it. My Mum cannot move me; she will be away. But I know someone with a car who probably will let me down but it's a chance. I'm dumping all my kitchen stuff at Paddaddaddaddadd's house, if he will have them. I have stuff like a 5ft high fold-out clothes drying rack that I am NOT taking with me, but I want to keep it. Once I've got rid of all that ilk of stuff I just have to pack these tartan bags. Once I've left my place will look post-nuclear because I'm leaving two thirds of my clobber behind. Clothes that don't fit. Clothes with holes. Books I don't want. Etc etc. I'm not fretting too much I have to GO.
I want OUT as fast as possible. I want OUT of this God-forsaken outer London borough and back IN to London. I hate living in the middle of nowhere. Soon as I get OUT of this house I get BACK to the decent druggieclinic I used to go to. The new one has an atmosphere like the cavern by the River Styxx.
It was a nice day yesterday and I slept through it. Woke up at 5:30pm. Longer you sleep the better in my book. It's too hot though.
Akkh WHY did I ever go on shitty heroin? I want CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN OFF IT OFF OFF OFF and if I can't handle it I swear I will kill myself and I'm not fucking lying like Anna Grace.
Off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off! Hate methadone. Goodbye and good riddance to all drugs.
THE DRUGS DON'T WORK
this is supposed to be about terminal illness ...
if you were terminally ill, would you accept anything but palliative care?
Sorry to everyone who finds this depressing. This is how I feel. Depressed.
8 comments:
Hi Gleds,
I really can't handle anymore suicide talk.
I am grateful that Anna's was untrue.
Getting yourself off drugs is great and you have my best wishes.
Take good care, always,
j.
Don't kill yourself.
I really couldn't bear that.
Keep working on getting clean. You'll get there.
Janice~
love that song . .cheers me up no end . .but then my fave artist is Leonard Cohen so that prob says it all :-)
You will NOT kill yourself, OK?
you can pack that fucka in!
I think, take what u need/want & fly is the best idea.
good way to de-clutter, move house
sooner the better for you.
even just getting down to 25ml will make a huge difference.
Yes I know you want OFF, and I'm sure if thats what you want . . .thats what you will do.
I'm sure you know how you feel (ie depressed) but you "sound" quite motivated & excited :-)
no?
ok.
with love di
x
ps, how cud I forget? ive (well not me personally) had some beige robos. They're two weeks old and instead of going grey like all the other litters did, they are light light beige. Will get some photos put up and send u link, They still got white eyebrow & tummy but the "other" colour is not much darker than the white. First I thought it was just one and might be albino, but they are all the same and still got black eyes . . .i can't wait to see how they turn out! Then again, could be another litter I will have to keep, as I doubt the pet shop will sell them as "Robos" . . .O
x
You no need be sad.
You know what you wan do and you do.Thats all.
More easy talk,ma you can help yourself.
It would be wonderful if you get of ALL drugs Gleds. I wish you luck with it. x
Taffeta, Janice: I don't really care whether I live or die. I would much rather die by accident than suicide. That's why street heroin is so good: you never know how strong it is and so can overdose accidentally. I don't really want to kill myself, I just want to die. That's what's so crap about methadone. The're all jibber-wibber "oh this is such an enormous dose" when it's tiny. I calculated that on British 1mg/1ml methadone your bladder would EXPLODE before you ever had the chance of overdosing. They should be aiming to wipe out junkies, not keep the bastards alive
Mr L: that cheesecake looks nice
Buggerlugz: you're lucky having so many robos. Do they scuttle all over the place? Do they ever escape and cause chaos? Baby Itchy roborovski used to escape FREQUENTLY for 2 days or more at a time. Every time I thought I had lost her for good, the swine!
No I won't die deliberately if I can avoid it.
Don't worry. You know what I'm like. I probably won't do fuck all.
I did try and commit suicide twice. The first time I took a bottle of antidepressants and felt so sick afterwards it was unreal. Of course I got NO medical treatment. It didn't even cross my mind...
Akelamalu: I want drug free and pure. If I were a Buddhist I would climb up a mountain and become a crazy hermit and never come down!
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