HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Silly Girl

ANNA GRACE IS ALIVE. **I am rolling my eyes**.

She's posted an update on her blog today.

Anna WHY did you do that? What reaction did you expect?

Well you did find out what I would have put if you HAD died, because it's 2 posts below.

When I found out you definitely weren't dead I was so happy I laughed.

I just feel bemused now.


Her book is doing OK. She said it's sold 300 copies "most to a bookstore in Green Bay" (her hometown). When the second edition comes out I reckon she should publish under her full name Anna Grace Young, it's a lot more memorable than plain Anna Young. She wants her book to get as much attention as possible and I'm only too happy to help her. I still think what she did was ridiculous and in very bad taste. I think I know why she did it but I don't agree with any of it. I don't think she should delete her blog.

I've got to go now; I'm still pissed off.



Adrianna said...

You really to good.
You help and help this liar and she don't told you she make believe she die.
Non io.I no help nobody no more if they lie to make me suffer.
Ma tu sei troppo buono nel cuore.
good boy dont fall to much in her trap.

Cloudia said...

ah, it's the age

Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral


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Spindrift said...

My heart goes out to you Gledwood. I knew that you cared for her so because it showed in your writing, I guess you still must care then. All of this must have come as a huge shock. I hope you are OK. How are you feeling otherwise? Paul

Anonymous said...

Move on in your life.
She isn't worth it.
Your questions are answered now and you ought to know what Anna Young really is by now.
Getting her out of your life is your best move.
I hate the bitch after what she did to you yesterday.

Baino said...

I have no idea why you added her to your Facebook account. She's a manipulative little thing, addict, bipolar, I don't care. What she did was unforgiveable. Totally.

bugerlugs63 said...

ditto baino & anon,
I too would forgive, but i would not kep this peice of shite as a friend.
Its obvious y she did it;
all previous posts, had 4 commenters;
Gledwood,Natalya, Boomer & Valerie.
the last two posts had 35 diff commenters. (well done AG).
but for how long??
she hasn't commented on here, but on Face book she puts; Sorry Gledwood/I DO love you/ Now put some pics up!! WTF??
I dont see why u would want to be friends but you must have your reasons . . .
I have never written such angered words as yesterday . . .and I'm sorry if I offended anyone . . .apart from AG of course.
I hope you ok today ;-)
I really do
with love

Anonymous said...

Bugerlugs I agree ,but it leaves me wondering who was it that posted that Noah had gone to gaol and OD upon release ,I hope he is still with us .As for AG no more needs to be said .Chin up Gleds .

Syd said...

Not much of a friend IMO. Selfishness hurts everyone. But I think that you know that. Take care.

bugerlugs63 said...

no more indeed no more . . .
I know you like "dance" stuff, but give this a go, please . . .Just played the whole album on vinyl, scratches an all . . .this track Going Home/ Mythical kings & iguanas (Dory Previn)is a combination of those two tracks, both of which are amazing (in my opinion)some might say a little intense (the seperate tracks or my opinion?)
I dint think anyone under 50 in England was aware of her until I heard ??? on desert Island Discs and he was taking her 2 his island . . .excellent choice . . .I'm in a "get the old vinyl out" mood (poor neighbours) something to do with restoring my faith in human nature/intelligence I think . . .
hope you enjoy
much love

bugerlugs63 said...

Jarvis Cocker!! thats it . . as in thats him who chose Dory as one of his Desert Island Discs

jams o donnell said...

I can understand why you are dismayed at her behaviour. It was a stupid thing to do even to drum up some trade for her book.

I hope she is truly sorry for what she did, the suicide not and the reality have hurt you very much

Anonymous said...

Please stop promoting her book and her blog here at your blog.
It turns people off now that we know what she truly is.

bugerlugs63 said...

now I'm starting to get pissed off with myself . . .I cannot just leave this whole thing alone . . .something is not right . .I dont class myself as very intelligent . .intuitive maybe? but not intelligent . . on the other hand, I think you are quite intelligent . .too intelligent to have fallen for this lie . . .and reading back over the last 3 posts, when people doubted the story (and no, it wasn't just on her blog that they doubted it), you (subtely) defended it and tried to talk people into beleiving it.why post up the RIP post before confirmation? to make it feel more real? more dramatic? maybe you were playing with her to get a reaction. .or maybe e-mailing her & playing with us to make people beleive . . .
I know we are all different . .but I'm not sure how many people would laugh when they found out someone had been lying to them about killing themselves . . . .or barely even get angry over this. Or maybe you dint laugh and you r angry . . .I really dont know what to beleive any more???
Your most recent post gave us all an update on how annas "book" is doing . . or how she SAYS its doing . . . I'm sorry but I think its the last thing the majority of your readers want to know about . . .Or what name she uses to publish the next one, or where the books are sold etc etc
Yes I know its your private journal and you, like Anna, can write what you please, and we can take it or leave it . . .but a lot of your followers care an awful lot about you (as Annas readers' cared about her) It is a two way thing . .Anna has proven she does not give a shit about ANY of her readers and is facing the consequences. I think your readers (correct me someone if I am wrong please) are wondering why you are promoting her book/blog/lies to us . . .,YOUR readers??
Maybe i think too much but something leaves me feeling uneasy about this whole issue . . .
It wont seem to go away.The anger went and I thought that was the end . . .but now I'm left with distrust. why??
I dont know maybe I shouldn't send this? .. . .?
but I'm going to . . .
hey ho . . .its done my fucking head in . . .
nice fat bag should sort that out!
stop all this thinking & emotions

Gledwood said...

I have v mixed feelings. I put the book up because I thought "you want attention for your book: here you have what you want". It seems a very empty thing to do, to pretend to be dead. I emailed Anna saying just tell me you are alive and I won't say anything but she never replied.

I tried to get in touch with Anna on Facebook when she was still supposedly dead. Someone called K1tten also tried to and got the friends request accepted. I'm not sure whether that didn't happen automatically. I don't know.

I don't even know what to post now I don't want to think about this any more.

Furtheron said...

Confused.... Grade A screw up....

Anyway - glad she isn't dead.

All too weird for me though



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood