"SHOOT 'EM DEAD!"... methadone stinks!... blahblah. I want to die. Blah. I've been turning into a real stuck record of late. The most positive thing I can think of is that I'm into detoxing off this crap I've been on for all these years. The downside is that I'm not sure I can hack being on methadone, and that's why ... you see that's why I end up saying I want to die because I'm THINKING. Thought is the root of all human problems. Man's greatest achievements ~ the buildings, bridges, railways of the world ~ all started life as thoughts before they were ever realized as physical constructions. Why are my thoughts so negative?
See maybe I should stop blogging because I can't THINK of positive things to say.
I'm not SO lost I know what I want. I want to get this infernal house move OVER AND DONE WITH if it's happening. Then I ~//~
See I'm thinking about the council tax again. The tax I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO PAY. The tax that has resulted in piles of letters threatening bailiffs. I just wanna kill myself. When I started fucking up my life it was done with the deliberate intent of backing myself into a corner where suicide would be the only option. ~//~
OK this is what I was saying: I want to move house so I can just give up and go in the mental hospital. I've had enough. I want to go in the nuthouse. I don't care if I'm mentally ill or depressed or not depressed. I don't care about any of that. I just want to go in that nuthouse for the longest possible period of time and ideally never come out.
I even started wondering about committing a crime so I could go in prison at least in there you don't get bailiffs on your back for Council Tax your solicitor says you shouldn't be paying because you're "severely mentally impaired". I have no idea how to sort this out. I never open my mail and haven't for years because it only ever contains threats. Threats of making me homeless. Threats of Bailiffs.
No I started thinking about prison because it's the only place they'll look after you now that the mental hospitals have been emptied out.
See it's all negative again. I don't know how the hell I'm going to come off drugs and survive.
Does ANYONE have any ideas? I see no future.
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