HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

More New CDs

WELL GNAT KING COAL AND JUDY GARLAND HAVE GONE WALKIES AND KATE BUSH IS FULL OF SCRATCHES so in despair I hit WH Smiths with my £10 drug money and walked out with four CDs and £1 change!

How exciting!!

Here's my purchases. I'm on an easy listening tip yet again ...

Edith Piaf: The Essential Collection (shouldn't that be "le collection essentiel"?) ~ £1.99
Tammy Wynette: Best of
~ £3
Louis Armstrong: The Collection ~ £1! (His eyes look like they're about to pop out on the cover, he's blowing that trumpet so hard!!)
and lastly, by no means leastly:
Barbra Streisand (again!): Live Concert At The Forum (1972) ~ £3

Good thing I've got cheap taste in music, isn't it!?

O, & here's my pop video of the day: Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson ~ Say Say Say "Acted" intro starring the late, great Linda McArtney (of substitute frozen pork sausages fame) plus Michael Jackson winning an arm wrestle. Highly entertaining.

And entertainment clip: Itchy Baby Bunny ..!

7 comments:

Liz Hinds said...

I bought a terrific CD in Makro last week. It's a double CD, was priced at £4.99 but only cost £2.99 when I got to the till. It's called Leaders of the Pack and features songs by girl singers of the sixties. The Shangri-las, Sandie Shaw, Dusty Springfield, the Ronettes. It's a real singalong cheery collection.

I adore Ella and she usually comes cheap! Bit of country is good too.

Have you made those welshcakes yet?

Kate said...

Hey, Gledwood! I was glad to see you on my blog! The whole Michael / Paul collaborative effort was mystifying back in the '80s, and hilarious today. Mustn't forget "Ebony and Ivory".

WAT said...

AHAHAHA! SAY SAY SAY! YAHOOEY!

Yeah, Paul definitely wrote the better song for this duet than Michael's dreadful THAT GIRL IS MINE: one of the most unlistentable songs ever!

I miss Linda McCartney.

Anonymous said...

If you can find it, I would suggest the Loretta Lynn/Jack Black disc (can't remember the name), it's pretty rad....

-e

robkroese said...

That video tells a story.

Gledwood said...

Liz: tried to make biscuits (ie Welshcakes without the currants as I'd eaten the entire lot in the night (oops)) ... but I do not have an oven... i thought tinfoiling over my hotplate would be okay ... unfortunately not... humph!
so next time maybe i try a baking tray? greased? on the hotplate?
and try to remember to use teatowel to move it afterwards ... That CD sounds really good. I am on the lookout for a 70s one. I hate it when people say "punk" was the sound of the 1970s. It was not! OK only for a group of maybe 1% of the population. Everyone else was into folk and disco and easy listening ...

Kate: Ebony and Ivory - was Michael Jackson in that as well??

Wat: glad someone agrees with me. The Girl is Mine?? UKKK

Anonymous: I don't know what you're talking about but if I see it and have the £££ I will get it. BC I'm willing to take chances. E.g. when I was 15 I bought Suzanna Vega not having a clue what it was like. Just read a good review in magazine went out got it. Glad I did, too

Dan B: I think the most endearing thing about Judy G was her film performances ... she never seemed to stop being that innocent little girl only instead of being in wonderland she was in a nasty world that somehow she seemed too good for ...
i like A Star Is Born best ... it is so true a story, I know exactly how she feels

Diesel: yup. As I said in my post you don't get stories no more ... (not in pop vids any how) ...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Congrats on Cd purchases, especially the Piaf. Now there's a lady who'd been through it all... Love the entertainment clip!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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