Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Nonday....

EVERYONE ELSE (in this country) goes back to work... what do I do? Conk out from sheer exhaustion all day... letting hours tick past... and more hours.... and hours more... and eventually it is dark... And now at about ten minutes to ten I tear myself up to tell you how I did nothing...!

BY THE WAY... talking of music that scares Roborovskis; I've found a tune that really does: it's Dream a Little Dream of Me as performed by Nat King Cole on CD... something about the loud whiny clonking noise they incorporated into the track has them racing to hide in bed... I'm not sure quite why...

Well I'd better go. An appropriate non-ending to a non-day...

Night-night...

Clips:
i: Pete Doherty & Co... Hang on what do they perform?? So forgettable...
Oh yeah: Dream a Little Dream of Me ... what am I saying??!
ii: Nat King Cole - Autumn Leaves
iii: Amy Winehouse & Charlotte Church perform Michael Jackson's Beat It. This was an hilarious rendition... I've no idea why Amy Winehouse's performance is so bizarre... whether she was trying to upstage Charlotte Church or whether she was just drunk... who knows... but this is a classic moment from the Charlotte Church TV Show....

***

Wednesday's traxx:
Bryan Adams + Mystery Guest II Finally Found Someone
Human Tetris from Japan
7 Roborovskis
Tiny Baby Roborovskis
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5 comments:

Cheezy said...

That Amy Winehouse clip is classic. In casting those nervous glances at Amy, Charlotte Church finally manages to do something funny, which (I think I recall) she usually failed to do on that show.

28 August 2007 at 22:38
Evil Spock said...

I find Amy Winehouse the most overrated singer at the moment. Sure, she has a unique sound, but all her songs sound exactly the same.

If I want classic girl angst, give me Liz Phair (Exile to Guyville) any day. Plus she's cuter!

I'll be glad when this one trick pony is put out to pasture.

28 August 2007 at 22:42
Anonymous said...

Cheeze: Yeah Charlotte Church is doing a "What the ****? We didn't do THIS in rehersal kind of look... And finally gets showed up for the straightlaced "ooo I'm 21 with my own TV show and think it's so clever to swear" eejut she actually is. Did you know someone has written a book for her about her nondescript time and nondescript relationship with that nondescript rugby person she's having a baby with..??...

Evil: HOW can you say that about Amy Declinehouse, heroin and crack mistress extraordinaire and darling of the British tabloids?!? I think her songs are quite witty... and of far higher quality than stuff of girly "witch with a period" Alanis Morisette ilk

29 August 2007 at 10:02
jim dandy said...

Methinx you just like to say NO to rehab. (So do I)
Quite an expansive blog site here. I'll be up for days bouncing around your brain spew. Could get messy.

29 August 2007 at 19:13
Anonymous said...

JD: It's messy already~!!

29 August 2007 at 19:20

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood