HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

British Earthquake! And Personal Roborovski Burrow Film...

EARTHQUAKE has hit the United Kingdom! All 5.2 on the Richter scale "hit" at just after 1am last night... wow! for all of eight entire seconds! The media have not ceased prattling about it since...

... I must admit I DID feel something. The house took to shaking
and yet no noise of heavy vehicles passing... (Wow, I was in a real live earthquake: I might die of the sheer excitement.)

The epicentre was over 200 miles (300km) away "oop north" in Lincolnshire. And this is the worst earth tremor to hit the British Isles in over 20 years.

I might be able to put my scurrying trotters on Youtube! Already I have filmed them on a mobile phone I found this morning (waited all day for someone to call back: no result...) if they DO call I decided I would just give the phone back. I don't even need one. And the owner gets a free film of three tiny tubby furries scurrying around behind a newspaper. (Newspapers are not very photogenic when it comes to burrowing pets. The crazy print confuses the eye... but beggars can't be choosers. And I did get Baby Itchy at her excitable best. The last shot shows all three in a row looking... well, very tiny and furry (wow!!)

Does anyone know HOW I put this on Youtube? Do I need a USB cable? Then what do I do once the Youtube account's initiated and the cable plugged in? Do I just press play? Or is it more complicated than that? What's the function called? The phone is a Samsung (SGH D600 far as I know...) ...

Hot News from The Sun:
Quake Rocks Britain...
My Man-Boobs Made Me Suicidal...

And not from The Sun: Roborovskis in Singapore...

Great Blog of the Day:
Bringing up NINE kids in the US of A...

31 comments:

Nessa said...

I don't know how to do the video thing. Maybe send it to your email?

Vi said...

the quake scared the SHIT out of me, I thought my 'ghost' was back!

The Phosgene Kid said...

I lived in S. California, you all don't even know what a quake is. Our last week there we got hit with a 6.5 and 7.

Nice hamsters...

Gledwood said...



Nessa: but how do I email a vid to myself?... I've utterly no idea!!

Vi: ah! but you're in a quiet village! i seriously thought it was just traffick!

Phosgene:... PRECISELY that's exactly what I was getting at all this stupid prattling over literally something that felt no different at ALL to a particularly large truck trundling by 100 yds away!

tut-tut said...

I think you need a cable between the phone and the computer; at least that's what my camera needs. YouTube isn't hard to figure out (though I did have L's assistance).

I saw the fallout from the quake on TV; someone was sweeping up a lot of rubble.

Did you ever find your fish?

Gledwood said...

No fish... but once phone cabled up what do I do with the phone to stream the info downline? surely that's easy... yeah?/no... urk!!

Rick said...

Ficational Dog's Name: Fi Fi?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I thought I was being broken into.

I leapt of bed and then wondered if it was minor sleep paralysis.

Liz said...

Oh, I hope you can get the video on! (I don't know how though.)

No sign of a quake here. Husband is near Reading and he didn't notice anything either.

foam said...

i lived through a mini earthquake in germany once. it seemed to originate in northern italy if i remember correctly. it just startled the hell out of me since it happened at night and i was sleeping. i thought i was falling out of the bed ... and then it was over.

i've posted all my videos over blogger.

WAT said...

Ah yes, I was coming over here to check if you'd felt the British shaking there yonder.

Of course, I happen to live in earthquake country here in Los Angeles, so these events are nothing new here, but still a bit unnerving when they do happen and sadly we are overdue here for some major quake sometime soon I'm afraid.

akakarma said...

Can hamsters sense an earthquake coming like some critters?

zen wizard said...

The biggest earthquake I was in was in Hollywood and it was a 4.2 in the middle of the night.

I dreamt I was in one of those sleezy hotels where you but quarters in the vibrating bed--and that was exactly what it felt like.

I put a video on YouTube and if I can figure it out I am sure you will eventually figure it out some way.

Anonymous said...

Glad the English survived a shaking and have no idea about mobile phones but hope you work it out because want to watch your trotters in motion! (not in a shaking way though)

molson said...

If the computers you use have a media card slot, you can remove the media card from the phone and insert it in the computer. The media card will then show up as drive E: on most computers, but I'm not certain how the computers you use are set-up. The only problem I can see is that if the media card is a mini SD card, you will likely need an adapter. Now the nice thing about a media card slot is that you won't have to purchase a USB cable for the phone that you may only end up using once. Note that the USB cable for the phone will be specific to that application, so it might not be worth the investment. Maybe you can borrow a USB cable from someone who has a Samsung phone. Even better is if the person who lost the phone calls you, you can request that they upload the video to Youtube as a reward for the phone's safe return. Assuming you can get the video file from the phone to the computer, uploading it to Youtube is easy. Youtube has detailed instructions on how to do it.

Note that emailing the video from the phone to your email account may be an option, but it could end up costing the owner of the phone some money. My celly has email capability, but it costs me extra money to use it. Plus it is likely that the owner will have the phone shut off once they realize it is missing so emailing will probably be out of the question.

Let me know if you have any questions and I will try to provide an answer. I know everyone here would love to see the video of your robo swines in action.

molson said...

You know Gledwood, you could always remove the media card from the phone and mail it to me here in the States. I could then upload the video to my Youtube account and then mail the media card back to you. The media card is tiny and can't cost much to mail, even to the States. I know that really is kind of a Rube Goldberg way of doing things, but it is an entertaining thought. Maybe a fellow blogger from the UK could take on this task? Any takers?

molson said...

Sheeze. I just remembered that the phone might not have a media card installed and the video is stored in the phone's onboard memory which is not removable. My LG phone has built in onboard memory plus a separate removable media card. The thing is that the onboard memory on my phone is too small for video. Hmmm. This maybe tricky without the USB cable, but I'm still thinking.

Janice said...

Hi,

I didn't know you guys get earthquakes over there!

I'm from California and an earthquakes is a common accurence in my neck of the woods. A 4. whatever is so common that it hardly noticeable, it only the five or so and above that gets people excited. I've road out a six pointer and it felt like a carnival ride.

Janice~

Nicole said...

You may not need YouTube, you can just do it via blogger and incorporate this into your posts. I haven't posted movies yet, but it's the same as posting pictures, download them with a usb cable, or whatever the phone uses, to the computer, click the appropriate upload buttons on the blogger screen and it should ask you to find the movie file as it does when you upload photos, then you hit Enter or Upload or which ever it is and it should pretty much take care of itself.

If you need more help take a look here:
http://help.blogger.com/bin/topic.py?topic=12464

I am hoping that you get to keep the phone so you can make movies to post on the blog, I would love to see the Robos and you and your cooking and all sorts of things!

CrystalChick said...

Hi Gleds, I have NO idea how cell phones work for a video upload.
I can do video on my digital camera. I filmed a minute of my grandson in his crib this morning. Then opened the camera program, plugged in the USB, transfered and named the file and then just dragged it to the picture folder on my desktop.
Blogger walks you thru the rest. I was able to start a new post and click on the filmstrip where it asks you to browse the computer files to find it. It took a little while to upload but overall pretty easy. I had wondered before how complicated it would be because I'm soooo not a tekkie. Now I know how mine works anyway. So thanks for the post, it sorta made me go for it! Hope you can figure out the phone! Love to see vid of your robos!!

lostgirl said...

Hello Gleds

How are you? I feel diabolical. I agree with you the drugs don't work! I was on lofepramine and that too gave me constipation. When they added quetiapine to it I ended up embarrassingly in casualty for the same reason but worse. I was so bunged up I could not wee either and was in pain. Hey want to know an interesting fact? I have 2 wombs. seriously! Its causing major problems for me getting a smear test. Anyhow my life is pants at the moment hence lack of joy on my blog. Hope you are healed.
all the best lost xxx

Gledwood said...


Rick: my fictional rapping robo's name is Furry Fur ~ how's that for a tiny trotting MC?

Ingsoc: you must have got more of a quake than we did here. Literally it was nothing more spectacular than a Heavy Goods Vehicle trundling by outside!

Liz: Ah! It's those Cambrian mountains stabilizing your Swansea home... (possibly...) ;->...

Foam: hmmm but what did you say to the phone to do to post them? Just "play video" then plug it in? Or what?...??

Gledwood said...


Wat: yeah when that major quake DOES happen... (hasn't it been overdue for nearly 50 years??) I wonder whether ANY of southern California will be LEFT..??!?? I hope you still are...

Akakarma: Possibly. I didn't notice ANY change in their behaviour though... being burrowing animals I should expect their trotting tunnels get prone to colapse... then again I don't know whether they DO have earthquakes in Outer Mongolia... which is where robos come from...

ZenWizz: sure I will figure it out too (eventually)... was it really like putting 10p in a vibrating bed. how kinky-gerlinky!

Anon: I really want my trotters starring online. It is vital that they get prime exposure!


Gledwood said...


Molson: Thanx I shall look into that media card jazzeroonie... o, actually I'm pretty sure it is NOT on a special thing it is almost certainly on an integral phone memory it does NOT hold a long vid: only about 90 secs all told... thanks for the youtube advice. I shall down lots and lots of scotch and attempt to sort it out one morning (not evening: nothing works in the evening... too many other people streaming data through THEIR youtubes...

Janice: we DON'T get earthquakes! That is only the 2nd I've experienced in my entire life... probably it's a warning that the end of the world is nigh (and you think I'm joking~??!?)

Nicole: It doesn't take enough vid to do cooking (only about 1.5 mins in low quality) but enough for trotting tubbies... yeah I might try that emailing and bloggering thing that is a v good idea. But really I want it able to turn embeddable stars out of Bashful, Spherical and Itchy...

Crystal: you WILL see them soon... (I sincerely hope so ..!)

Lost: I don't feel too ****-hot either...

2 wombs? Do both work? Does that mean you can have nonidentical twins? Or get pregnant twice e.g. one baby due March, the other due August? Or anything like that?...??


Akelamalu said...

Quake? What quake??? Seriously we slept through it. No idea how to put anything on U-tube sorry.

Patti said...

I though to fyou and Fish when I heard of an earthquake hitting the UK. I know not much about Youtube. Sorry.

Gledwood said...



Akelamalu: SLEPT THROUGH IT? Actually I would have too... if only I'd been asleep...

Patti: Youtube is a world unto itself...

Vincent said...

"Wow, I was in a real live earthquake: I might die of the sheer excitement" LOL

Gledwood said...


Well I'm still alive, aren't I..!!?!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood