HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, February 29, 2008

Poor Harry~!

POOR PRINCE HARRY! Ten weeks in Afghanistan, the news embargo broken by an American website... closest thing to normality he's had in his life, so he says (what a life, then!)... Now poor Harry has to fly home, not just for his own sake, but for the sake of his comrades who would be put in extra danger if the taliban thought that by blowing them up they might score an international news "victory" by getting him. How very sad, I feel for the poor boy. Born into the most famous family in the world: destined to a life of cossetted boredom that really doesn't suit his character...

ROBO-CHAOS. I cleaned them out this morning. (Changed their newspaper.) This caused a tubby horse-race type event with them scuttling round and round and round. Ever since I got rid of woodchips or shavings litter their fur (surprise surprise) has improved. Imagine if YOU had to live stark naked upto your waist in woodshavings. Sawdust in your hair. How comfortable would YOU be? Yet that's what we inflict on our small pets as per standard...

When I had Russian hamsters, which have the softest fur of any rodent (like chinchilla fur: and just like chinchillas they bathe in dust which means you'll see them inexplicably rolling around on the floor as if they have itchy backs.) I soon realized the wood-dust was doing them no good at all and changed their litter to cat litter. They improved immesurably in record time.

That is pretty much the only thing I did today. The day is cold. And dull. And rainy. And nasty. And thoroughly unpleasant. I went to bed in despair at about 10am and didn't get up till nearly three...

Outside it is raining. Lights are on everywhere despite it being mid-afternoon (no wonder we have such galopping "carbon footprints" our shops and offices are so poorly designed! Why not make USE of this flooding natural daylight? Instead of blanketing it out and then running the entire country on electricity 24/7?

I must go; I am cold. May the weekend come and go quickly or slowly. Whichever is best for you...

Research News: Heroin for Hamsters: Hamsters Tested With Self-Administering Steroid Patches To Test Addictive Potential of Drugs Commonly Abused in Sports

Blog of the Day:
Diary from Laos


(Laos along with Burma, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam the ONE area of the world I've most wanted to visit... I wouldn't even dare go there without a massive supply of the opiate-blocker naltrexone ... imagine the consequences if I did not...?)

25 comments:

Nessa said...

Poor Harry, indeed...not to be able to war in peace.

Akelamalu said...

It would seem that a camera crew have followed Harry during the 10 weeks he's been over there. Did the Taliban not notice????? :(

Hope you're feeling cheerier as the weekend progresses Gleds. x

Gledwood said...

Nessa: He was apparently a radio controller for RAF antiTaliban bombers... (so I hear....)

Akelamalu:
REALLY? Well that just about sums it up. Poor Harry though I still feel sorry for him; his one chance of relative (and self-selected) normality SQUASHED... how typical!

Gledwood said...

HEY!~~ WHERE did my italics just go~?!?

Anonymous said...

If we're hearing about Harry returning home, it has already happened. William would also be upset with his future chances squashed. I'd rather not "Imagine if YOU had to live stark naked upto your waist in woodshavings"! HAHHAAA Have a GOOD weekend!!!

Gledwood said...

Thing about royalty and war is they've ALWAYS had a connexion with the army that's what royals DO when they're not "reigning" (and in times past even when they were: Elizabeth I threatened to ride out herself to make war on Spain who were sending boats over...)

And that sawdust... yeah imagine where it might GO..!!

jmb said...

Hey Gleds, long time no see. It seems you are a bit down these days. The weather sucks and your health problems are not good.
Luckily you have the Robos to keep your spirits up. I hope things look up soon, Spring is just around the corner and then things always seem better.
Take care
jmb

Little Lamb said...

I like that, one of your princes is fighting the war. That should set an example. But the heir isn't over there. How come?

Patti said...

Have a wonderful week-end Gledwood!
Honestly I do feel sorry for Prince Harry. I am sure he truly did want a "normal" tour and once his presence was leaked out it was very wise to remove him.

tut-tut said...

Hope your spirits rise and the weather improves.

Oh to be a bored Royal . . . he could help his father with the organics, couldn't he??

Lowa said...

Will read this soon, must run out the door soon but wanted to say thanks for popping in to my blog and I look forward to reading your's (all of them!) very soon!

Take care!

Rita said...

Greeting from sunny Finland. - Oops, hard to tell yet, the sun isn't up yet, although I am.

Enjoyed your eloquent report on rich... oops I meant poor Harry and the rodents in wood shavings up to their little elbows.

I'm glad it's raining outside and not inside at your end. Remember; every glass that is half full has a silver lining :)

Gattina said...

It's time that spring arrives ! I am soooo fat up with this lousy weather no wonder if everybody feels depressed. We had a few days of sunshine and now it's back to rain again. I agree with you on Harry, the poor guy whatever he wants to do to lead a normal life it doesn't work, because of our curiosity (mine included) Are your hamsters now more informed and intelligent since they house on Newspapers ?

Gledwood said...

JMB: the robos always give me a laugh. In fact I often have to try NOT to laugh so's not to OFFEND them haha!

Lil Lamb: Wills is apparently training with the army, navy and airforce in order to fulfil his future role as head of the armed forces...

Patti: on the radio (ignoramuses) they have the gall to ask "don't we have the RIGHT to know where Harry is, what he's doing"... "rights" are going berzerk in this day and age. No we do not!

Tut-Tut: or go shooting grouse with the Duke of Edinburgh (Prince Philip)... those 2 are peas in a pod I saw how they greeted each other in the Queen docu... probably would have been best of friends if born into same generation...

Gledwood said...


Iowa: there's a lot to read!

Rita: actually it WAS raining inside at around 5am but I just moved my pillow so's not to get wet hair... hey I hear most Finns are "bipolar" due to the intense winter ... is that true? (In spirit if not in psychiatric fact...?)

Gattina: My hamsters are exceedingly intelligent thanks to The Sun and London Lite... as I posted today ... with your name in pink as thanks...

I love reading royal stories but after Diana died couldn't help writing a snotty letter to The Sun saying if they didn't stop being so hypocritical they'd end up in a well deserved "scandal" of their own!


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

How refreshing that someone thinks like I do about "poor" Harry! I'd love to know how much it cost to fetch him home - and then Daddie's car right at the airport entrance [no one else can park there], a police escort up the M4 and then luxury! Poor little sod, indeed!

Gledwood said...

'Tis ever the same... grow up cossetted in luxury with every DVD, TV, swimming pool, horse hiding type opportunity your heart desires and what do you wanna do? 'Stead of staying in revelling in these luxuries you actually WANT to challenge yourself and put up with the privations of the officer-class at war far far abroad....

Shadow said...

2 hamster questions for you:

1. our russian dwarf hamster is very happy in sawdust. and not itchy. okay, that's a statement, not a question.

2. how long do hamsters live???

Gledwood said...

How long do hamsters live?

On average 2-3 yrs though I've heard of them doing 5. If they die at 2 you've done nothing wrong that's nature, you're just lucky if you get longer...

Gledwood said...

那麼漂亮的中文蛋糕的東西,似乎是...可你吃的性格嗎?你的博客非常漂亮!一切所能,為你從

gledwood
"卷2 "

;->...

Gledwood said...

that above comment for:

http://kama-suga.blogspot.com/2008/03/blog-post_07.html

Gledwood said...

My message to Curtis Sliwa

Hi Curtis: London calling. I'm listening online.

Here in the UK we have more security cameras by a long way than anywhere else on earth... about 4million of 'em. The average citizen gets filmed x300 a day... though we sometimes feel this a bit of an intrusion on our liberties, you're quite right: when murder, carnage and major events do happen, the police collect not only publically filmed images but stuff from shops, businesses, etc (literally cameras are everywhere here!) and it has got loads of baddies busted.

Great show!

Gledwood said...

(further to my previous message)

ps it's past 3:30pm here... don't be behind times with your security as well. Yes our images probably are better than yours because CCTV has long been a regular part of life here and we have special digital enhancement technology. That's why you see the terrorists' zits!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood