HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Robomites?

MITES? I'm not so sure. Robo-mites, I'm talking about... Itchy has always looked "licked to death" (as in literally wet-licked)... I assumed this was a grooming thing; by herself, as well as the others... Now the others have started to look wet again. That and the fact that I saw a picture of a wet roborovski with mites at http://www.roborovski.net (click on health and wait for the mites pic to load)... Itchy doesn't have the pink legs or pink patches behind the ears or the arched back, miserable expression or anything else EXCEPT wet fur (and being thin and tiny, which she always has been). A robo is smaller than a housemouse (or pet mouse: they are the same breed mus musculus), which I've always assumed means a "muscular mouse" but then again I freak a bit of Spench but no Latin...

Also, the mites section said (as I thought) that mites are actually big enough to see with the naked eye. I have seen NO crawly parasisites on or off them...

Hamsters and all small animals (and birds, especially parrots) will excessively preen out of nerves. Perhaps Itchy's recent squabbling has something to do with the rest nervously over-grooming. In psychology this is called "displacement activity", meaning a behaviour indulged in to work off nervousness or anxiety.

I re-added their parmesan cheese tub (which is exactly the same length and diameter as a toilet roll and so has a toilet roll taped on the entrance, like an extended robo-front-porch). All three live and sleep quite happily in here together despite the 1cm wide opening (yes they are tiny animals! I thought everyone got that until I posted that toilet tube comparison a couple of days ago...) What I do need to get is an extra wheel. Maybe that will stop the troubles. The heavy two end up on the existing wheel. Spherical thundering rumblingly onwards, sometimes with Bashful holding on for dear life to the wires (it's a wire wheel) doing endless revolutions until she can synchronize footing. Then if Itchy can't manage to jump on (like timing entry to a skipping/jump-rope game) she tears up and down and round and round until she can. That's what the "pinging" is... running very quickly.

Time is low and I cannot reply or get in touch with any of yous probably till after the weekend. I'm sorry... better go or it will be all gone!

10 comments:

tut-tut said...

All of you, please have a good weekend and stay safe.

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock preens out of nervousness too . . .

Bimbimbie said...

Poor Robos. Do you think it might be those uninvited mices threatening them through their cage *!*

Anonymous said...

I do believe they have a case of the psychological nature here! Sharing cases of "displacement activity" with my parrot, it is an excellent idea to put another wheel or similar toy into their world or even build food container rooms off their parmesan cheese living room! They need the mental stimulation of rotating toys to keep them otherwise occupied from excessive licking and dispensing all that nervousness ;) Have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...

It is you who rotates the toys by changing them ... they don't have to all go in a circular direction. This will help dispense anxiety which isn't so wetting ... MAYBE they LIKE being wet?

Unknown said...

I hope they don't have mites. I know how Alex is the few times he's had fleas.

Have a blessed weekend.

Monogram Queen said...

Hope you got whatever it is that was going to be all gone.
I preen out of nervousness too!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hope the weekend is a good one, Gleds.

Gledwood said...

TutTut: CHEERS, DEARS

EvilSpock: I've pulled my hair out of nervousness, too. And no it did NOT grow back!!!!

Bimbimbie: might well have something to do with them mice. as im about to post they've stopped sleeping in a "nest" and do it outside now in a huddle... so if any sewermouse DARES venture in they get BUSTED str8 away!

Gledwood said...

Anon: yeah you're right about the displacement "thangs"... I've removed the old teabox where if there ARE mites they would be breeding ... and am desperately seeking a new wheel. Which is easier said than done as NO PET SHOPS within about 20 miles (seemingly) of here...

Saintly: it's horrible. maybe it's a fungal infection if it's an infection of ANYTHING... I've not seen ANY mites or any CRAWLIES or ANYTHING like that... so...

Patti: no physical things goned out... maybe it IS nervousness...? I thought it was a hierarchical thing... maybe?

maybe not?

time will tell!!

Welshcakes: cheers i hope you had a gt weekend too: I could not comment until now as all £££ gone!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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