HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Vulgar Tea

I WAS ALL SET on stocking up on the prime ingredients of a lower-class tea for supper:~ all potato waffles, Heinz baked beans (value are poorly sugared and full of water; I heartily advise against them) and several litres of frying oil. Heck, I even had the Benson & Hedges ciggie for afterwards!

But what attack of prissiness has struck the modern "supermarketing community"... NO frying instructions upon ANY of their industrial foods' packagings... am I really going to GRILL my greasies? I think not... especially as I live in a fleapit so ill-equipped we don't even HAVE a grill ...

And what is it with CHICKEN. CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN cluck-cluck-clucker!~?? Chicken chicken EVERYWHERE and yet no pleasantly battered simple sqauares of fish. How dreadfully vulgar. ALL I wanted was battered fried fish with potato waffle in baked beans and a fag on:~ what's wrong with that? And yet my attempts at purchase were thwarted by a supermarket that stocks ALL chicken (e.g. chicken fingers) where it should be fish... and no frying (shallow or deep) cookery instructions. New Labour is like that short story we did at school where someone trod on a butterfly in time travel... then the world was ever so subtly, sinisterly different.

Not only do they erode our human rights. E.g. they're going blue in the face for the right to lock someone up without charge for 42 days (of course they would do this in the name of anti-terror)... they INSIST on ID cards as a cure for... guess what? yeah, TERROR. even though Spain - surely a tie with Britain for most-bombed country in Europe HAS identity cards and ID cards would NOT have prevented the 7:7 attacks. They keep 4,000,000 people's DNA profiles WITHOUT their permission... the only thing they do well with data is to frequently LOSE it. Oh and they assume they already HAVE the right to SPY on our CARS with some Orwellian device that MEASURES THE VOLUME OF BLOOD IN THE VEHICLE. Nobody even remarked how intrusive or sinister this was: the issue at stake was "should we have number of person in car lane charging things?" answer no and stop snooping. They EVEN want to instal a gizmo in each and every motor vehicle in the UK that would record by satellite tracking literally EVERY journey - no matter how short - taken by every vehicle in this country. Cross-referenced and checked against the 4,000,000 security cameras we already have snooping on us.... TONY BLAIR: a big fat thank you for setting up ALL THAT IS REQUIRED for when a TRUE DICTATOR DOES COMMANDEER THIS COUNTRY ...!

Right I have to go it's late and there were squeaks from my trottery earlier! Yes, that would-be Napoleon Bonaparte of the Roborovskis, Baby Itchy was probably asserting her ever-higher rungs and echelons on the hamster-peckery... and pink nose to pink nose knocked her housemate over and all manner of squarking ensues! (Well anything to change the subject off the state failures of Tony Blair...) righto better go ~ as they used to say each evening at Welwyn Stores:~~ GOODNIGHT EVERYONE; GOODNIGHT!


Anonymous said...

Heinz baked beans meanz fartz! Hhehheee Night Night Gledwood!

Audrey said...

Catching up..read that article on the anti's myself the other day, doesnt life suck,lol, Ive just been prescribed the happy green pill as I havent been sleeping too well etc only to find I might as well take a placebo..To be honest I think they may be right, time away doing something really challenging would do me more good than a pill...I know it

Glad your leg appears to be getting better, I once had to have an abcess aspirated with a syringe so I know how painful it can be, and because of its location it turned out to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life,of course the procedure was carried out by a handsome young intern who had to ring the consultant for advice as to whether I would need to go to theatre to have it done, and all the time Im thinking JUST GET THIS OVER WITH SO I CAN HIDE SOMEWHERE!!!!!! Could gather together stories and bring out a book on memories of abcesses and how they scarred us!!!

Always buy Heinz...always

zen wizard said...

You need frying "instructions"?

It's not exactly a quadruple bypass--just heat up some grease in a frying pan, make a batter, dip the shit in the batter, and when what you are cooking stops kicking, eat it.

(Well, maybe with chicken, make sure there are no pink spots in there harboring salmonella. Also, maybe spring for olive oil--sounds like you are getting enough HDL's on a daily basis to clog Mr. Ed's arteries.)

And don't forget: Some well-placed endive garnish on the plate adds a festive touch to baked beans on a potato waffle!!

(Is this dish colloquially called, "Shit on a shingle"?)

Think of it this way: Tuna is chicken of the sea.

Using the transitive property, chicken must be, "tilapia of the barnyard."

Bon appetit!

Nessa said...

I could kill for fried fish, potato anything and baked beans. Yum.

attic clutter said...

no answers ...Just a HELLO glad you came in ATTIC CLUTTER an ''love those darling gerbils/hamsters (:) so cute~~~!!
I take no antidepessant..just vitamens an Smokes(:) hehe... do you call them fags?? HAPPY DAYS are here AGAIN!!!!
interesting site will come again ..Hugs Patty

Anonymous said...

Beans, beans the musical fruit. The more you eat the more you toot.The more you toot the better you feel.So eat beans for every meal.

Or something like that......

lettuce said...

good rant Gled.

chicken fingers are def WRONG.
fish fingers - RIGHT (on occasion) esp. in sandwiches with mayo.

Nicole said...

I have never seen a potato waffle before. Is this something that's always eaten with baked beans?

I too am in favour of fish instead of chicken. I don't like frozen chicken anything. I buy fish fillets sometimes that are "oven-bake", but we don't have an oven in the garden-room yet, so I just shallow fry them in a pan. I wouldn't worry about any grilling or baking instructions, I'm sure you can just fry it in your pan.

Vincent said...

Oh, surely you can get fish somewhere? They must have fish, they must! I INSIST! ;-)

Gledwood said...

Anon: touche!

Audrey: I have found the more "mental" one's problems might be at root the more likely medication is to work. Pills/drugs never have been/never will be a cure for life!... I looked for proper medical film of general anaesthetic abscess surgery but found none... I'd really like to see how the pus was removed, how the healthy surrounding flesh treated... etc... and how it packed internally... as for the beanz: yes: has to be Heinz or VERY BEST ownbrand never cheapie cheap is nasty in the world of beanz...

ZenWizz: I do like to know PRECISELY how long to keep the food sizzling... but more to the point need to know it's recommended for frying at all... dunno if you've ever tried shallowfrying something not recommended for such..?.. it can turn out pretty disastrous! ;->...

Nessa: me too!

Gledwood said...

Attick: your site was pretty wondrous too... by smokes you mean nicotine not cannabis I take it? cannabis really doesn't suit me! not at ALL!!!

Preposterous: ... something like that... break wind through a hat... tat-tatt...

Lettuce: I love chicken but get fed up of it where dead white industrial overfished fish should be!

Nicole: yes it is a very common thing people who can't be bothered to cook chips eat for tea... you're really meant to grill them... they go really well with baked beans and the dreaded harbinger of the early 80s: "Crispy Pancakes"... ugh the fillings were SO chock full of E numbers (yeah and I loved 'em at the time: how typical!)

Vincent: seriously one pretty large supermarket NO fish I'm serious!

Whitenoise said...

Glad to see that you're feeling better, Gled.

Rather scary- those security proposals. Surely they'll never be adopted...?

Gledwood said...

Never be adopted you ARE kidding most already HAVE been!!


zen wizard said...

If shallowfrying is what I think it is, I shallowfry everything.

I follow my own advice and use olive oil--because my cholesterol is through the roof--and it is expensive as F***.

Of course in London, people pay like $200 for a hamburger so I was thinking the transition FOR YOU would not be so traumatic.

Generally, I think chicken should be fried for about 20-minutes at 350-degrees Farenheit.

(I'm not sure how many degrees that is in Left Wing Euopean Wussy-Assed Socialist-Degrees...)

Gledwood said...

Shallowfrying? Is that not an American expression? How weird I've never heard of that!

I thought very carefully about WHAT precise oil I was going to use. In the past I've used olive "pomace" (cloudy ~ basicallyl the last pressing rather than "extra virgin" (the first))... they didn't have that in the vulgar supermarket and American soya oil has gone from our shelves (probably to do with having genmod ingredients which Europeans (especially Brits) DO NOT WANT~ though the American trade people seemed to think we had no right to refuse this and have intimated at starting a trade war over genetically modified ingredients several times. Let me tell you from the ground people this side of the pond DO NOT WANT genmod stuff! "Frankenstein foods" as they're so aptly labelled...

My choice came down to sunflower or rape. Sunflower oil usually comes from France. Rape seed oil is British... you will seen massive fields of waving bright yellow flowers in spring... I considered my allegance (to my own country of course: business should begin at home as does charity)... and checked the saturates level. Rape was far better than sunflower something like 7.5g per 100g saturates as opposed to nearly 13g from sunflower oil...

Shadow said...

what a brilliant dinner idea, thanks! way too much healthy food in my house... and since the bean's away, leaving just the 2 of us, i guess health rules may be ignored.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood