HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Radio Interview

I PHONED THE RADIO AND GAVE AN INTERVIEW about being an addict... it gave me inspiration to carry on writing (which has stalled. I mean: stopped completely)... I lost all enthusiasm for it. But now I'm carrying on.

As for the radio; I'd called up seemingly hours earlier... then the phone rings when I'm fast asleep and I had to compose myself and just talk. The host structured what I said by asking questions (precisely the right ones, too) which is why I call it an "interview", as that's how it felt...

So these are three resolutions:
1. complete these dreaded memoirs. they've been going on for ages
2. cease using the words "tubby" and "trotters". what on earth someone coming here for the first time would think of my blog i shudder to think
3. keep self and living conditions in tip-top form. evilstein is on at me again (nosey old git: admitted to poking round in there under pretences of "spraying for cockroaches" (so why did I spot at least three last night? he sprayed nothing. just intruded where he is not welcome)

And that's that. Now I have to go. I dunno why but I cannot sleep properly still. so i've been listening to the radio all night (there's some very good stuff on)

and on and on i go... hey it's "Good" Friday tomorrow so have a happy pagan time all you who somehow manage to associate eggs and bunnies with Jesus Christ becoming Saviour to humankind...


THIS is one of the finest photoblogs I think I've ever come across:~


Akelamalu said...

You did a Radio interview? Wow.

Good to hear your resolutions Gleds, they sound like good ones to me. x

zen wizard said...

I have the same, "spraying for cockroaches" problem.

They actually said, "The pest control guy looked in the bag of your vacuum cleaner and saw dead roaches. Please flush them down the toilet, as other roaches can live off dead roaches."

Thanks for the insectology leasson @$$holes...have you ever heard of, "the right to quiet enjoyment"?

Edyta said...

hey dere,
i've also wondered... why the hell eggs? what do they have to do with jesus?

anywho, u did an interview. woooo. sounds exciting.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: it was nothing grand. they always call you back anyhow, it's just rather than my making a point and just going he asked loads of questions; they were really pertinent questions too he was a really good interviewer

ZenWizz: looked inside the bag! what a nosy so-'n'-so!!

Edyta: answer: nothing. supposedly an ancient Babylonian type fertility festival! & rabbits, bc they breed so readily, I spose...

the radio "interview" was really me just calling up (and like I said they always call you back it was just it seemed to happen an hour later this time) anyway... i call it an interview bc he asked loads of questions usually they just let you rabbit on for 1 or 2 points then cut yer off ~!!

tut-tut said...

Can you post a link to your interview? Can we hear it?

Bimbimbie said...

Great stuff ... can I have your autograph please ;)

... love that little hammie ... looks like his cheeks are full of mini cadbury eggs *!*

Nicole said...

Radio interview! Fantastic! I think you have a wealth of knowledge to share with people. I want you to become the next radio, talk show and internet celebrity!

Vincent said...

Hey, I didn't know you had a radio interview! When did this happen? I can't remember reading about it before either. Did they just ring you up out of the blue? How cool! What did they ask? Howlong did it go for? Were you nervous?

Awesome :-)

Patti said...

I like the fun aspects of Easter. I'm lapsed what can I say?

Jeanette said...

,A very Happy Easter to you Gleds..
Good on you for doing the Interview.And Nosy parker up to his old tricks sticky nosing Cockroach spraying Blahhhh

carmen racovitza said...

i want to steal your hamster, gled...and put him on one of my blogs...on caravanne...

what's his name?? :)

carmen racovitza said...

i like the interviewee more ...:)

(check up caravanne...surprise!!!!)

Calfkeeper said...

I like the tems "tubby" and "trotters." Don't give up on everything your current fans love you for!


Gledwood said...

TutTut: urm... I don't know where to find any link to it. if I do I will post it up

Bimbimbie: looks painful stuffing those grass spears into his trotting pouches (aargh I practically used the word "trotter" again... haha!)

Nicole: that would be good...

Vincent: not nervous. I totally got woken up by the station returning my call... as I posted yesterday it kind of turned into an interview but wasn't meant to be anything special. i just rang in like any other caller!

Gledwood said...

Patti: better to have lapsed than never to have been anywhere?... or is that not right at all? I must remember to ask the Pope next time I meet him. He's well into these paganly influenced fertility rites (how ironic being (heterosexually, at least) celibate)...

Jan: cheers and a happy Eggster to you... yeah that Evilstein up to his interfering best once more...

Carmen: the one pictured looks identical to my old Pandable... my three roborovskis (which are tiny; like furry boiled eggs in size and pretty much shape...) are called Bashful, Spherical and Itchy... my Chinese hammy, who looks like an elongated mouse, is called Pingpong ;->...

Calfkeeper: OK. but I just felt I was overusing them plus surely it just looks sad, rambling on about my "tubby trotters" as if I'm glithering at myself in the mirror... or summut... know what I mean..???


Mr Pineapples said...

Sorry Bill - bt you seem like a total Dick to Mr P...lost lost lost

Deb said...

I like that you say "tubbies" and "trotters". Don't ever stop being you gled...it's why we love you.

Gledwood said...

Pineapple: uh?

Debs: yeah I spose... I just read references to "tubby trotters" once too much!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood