HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Over-Emotional (& Squabbly Gremlins)/State Visit

IT'S ALL CHAOS at Gledwood Towers. Laundretta's gran died at the weekend and Matran's been taken away by family troubles of his own. She bought me drinks yesterday. I supped too quickly and was soon drunk. Then I got all emotional too.

My gremlins have gone to their tartan bag as protection from Evilstein the landlord. I thought I was doing them a big favour by adding long clingfilm tubes and other bits and bobs into their realm.

In my exhaustion I fell into a profound slumber for several hours only to be disturbed by a distrought Laundretta phoning and then repeated honks and squeakings from my gremlins' trottery.

The tartan bag is now right in front of me (I'm writing this at the witching hour of the night but posting around 2:30pm) Spherical is cantering away on her wheel; Itchy pinging round and round and in and out of a tube in solitary confinement. Separate accommodation because I have just seen her mercilessly harrassing the others, especially Bashful with this kind of "wrestling bears" posture, and slapping at each other with paws (very girlie)... Obviously something inside her has snapped as perpetual bottom peck in the robo-hammy hierarchy.

I let her back in with the others. Straight away she is disturbing old momma Spherical and instant chaos descended. So it's back to the handbag box for her. (Well that's what I call it. A plastic box that holds about five litres, complete with handbag-style handle. It is vaguely the shape of an oversized fishtank-shaped handbag...) Scrabbling away. Jumping up and up and up again at the light. She can jump approximately 3 inches at best, which from a 2 inch hammy means a grown man jumping NINE FEET!

When I just told her she was "very naughty" she slunk into a nibbled up toilet tube. I don't know what to do. There can be no wars among the trotters. If she carries on being naughty she is going to have to live separately which is robo-misery as they're social creatures. So I don't know. I really don't know. More robo-reportage tomorrow.

*

And last but by no means least Britain has the most glamorous state visit for generations this morning. France's President Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni (Mick Jagger's ex among many many many many MANY others...) are to enjoy a state banquet tonight at Windsor Castle... then tomorrow they have to suffer the rather more dour company of Gorden Brown and his missus at their pokey Downing Street apartment... woo!

Read The Sun's reportage:~
Prince Charles Kisses Carla's Hand here
France's First Lady Carla Furious Over Nude Photo Shock here...
Nicola Sarkozy Promises Boring 1000 Extra French Troops For Afghanistan here...

...

19 comments:

daffy said...

Hello Again,
I'm sure you have already tried to find some answers for your hamster issue. If not, try here....
http://www.petwebsite.com/hamsters.asp
when you get a chance, it may take some digging but I think they have behavioural issues on there.

Gledwood said...

I can't find anything there though I found the robopage... I will try googling fighting roborovski

zen wizard said...

We really should reconsider the Fred Thompson presidential bid so that we have a First Lady who is enough of a Hottie McHottenstein to compete in the international 'tang arena.

Patti said...

So sorry about your friends loss.
Still shocked Carla Bruni is the first lady of France!

Eileen said...

I think Britain should throw me a state dinner at some castle seeing as I will be gracing your land with my Canadianess. Put in a word will ya ;)

Gledwood said...

Zen Wizard: uh? Me no comprendo you referencio pluso me clicko.. ;->...????

Patti: yeah man her with the beautiful face yet slightly piggy eyes who's been porked by half the sausages of the western democracies (sorry to be vulgar: but true)

Eileen: you are not in New York, are you? I just had to ask as someone listening to the radio came across from New York on email I thought is that my Eileen... you from Toronto, right? I will try and book Windsor Castle... if I were staying "state style" I would like to STAY at Windsor (more enchanting building) but FEAST at Buck House (larger building and get a drunken grand tour by Duke of Edinburgh afterwards...)

Eileen said...

Yes I am indeed from Toronto which likes to fancy itself as New York of the North (I know embarassing) but whatevs, I like this city. My boyrfriend used to work at the Barbican Centre and has come across the Duke of Edinborough on several occasions, who apparently really likes his gin. I hear castles are drafty anyhow, so if it doesn't pan out with Windsor Castle, no worries. We are actually going to be staying in some boutique hotel in London 2 blocks away from Buckingham. I AM SO EXCITED...finally crossing "the pond".

Bimbimbie said...

hi gleds - the headless bird - it was the hare! ... got his revenge from having his chocolate heads and legs bitten off over the Easter weekend ;)

I hope peace and tranquility returns to your Towers *!*

molson said...

Rockem Sockem Robos. I remember that game. Oh wait that was Robots. I had my own war going on at 4 am this morning. Seems a raccoon took a liking to the roof on my shack. They get up there trying to find a way in for some heat. They have done some damage in the past so I have to get up and chase them off. Maybe I need an 'Itchy' of my own to patrol the perimeter.

tut-tut said...

That photo of Charles kissing Carla's hand . . . does she have a bun in the oven???

sofia said...

what a day you had...
:)))
and what remarcable way of teeling us...
i laughed a lot

Nicole said...

I watched one of those episodes of a Year With the Queen or whatever it was called, not long ago and it was the one where they gave a dinner and the Queen needs to do more of these types of documentaries as it changed my perception of her somewhat. I am an opposer of monarchy in any country, but the English always seemed extra awful and inhuman. I only saw one episode of this show and thought the Queen was rather well-humoured and down-to-earth, unlike some of the others in the royal house. I really liked the way she handled things.

Anyway, not sure why I was reminded of this, oh yes, the banquet with that slimy, little Napoleon II and his new wife (who looks just like his old wife but 20 years younger). I can't imagine how that dinner at the Brown's will go, I'd have to fake an epileptic fit to get out of that one.

Anonymous said...

I hope peace returns to Gledwood Towers soon! Enough to write more robo-reportage tomorrow but not too much as you might once again fall into profound slumber ... :)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I can't imagine her in solitary confinement! Perhaps it's a hormone problem? (Her behavior reminds me of my sister).

Janice said...

Hi,

I hope you don't mind but after your last comment I posted about the English vs American/British spellings. I mention you and your post with link.

Janice~

Gledwood said...

Eileen: crappy rundown ruined castles are drafty: I'd imagine Windsor Castle was anything but. So book your accommodation there. Or if a secondbest HAS to be done: get guestrooms in Buckingham Palace. They DO have a swimming pool but no showers on the premises, so I'm told... Just like a 1950s hotel... Hey have a great trip btw!!

Bimbimbie: ta! you saying the hair bit the birdie's HEAD off..??!???

Molson: yeah man she might well be eligable to be smallest guard "dog" on the planet... she's certainly aggressive enough (hmmmm) plus she doesn't carry about bunches of flowers like a pika

TutTut: yeah apparently Carla DOES have a bun in the oven. V perceptive of you ;->...

Gledwood said...

Sofia: excellent stuff; glad you liked it

Nicole: actually there already have been THREE "Napoleons" though I don't get with the weird French how they call themselves a REPUBLIC then crown an EMPEROR that is so hypocritical and typically French if you ask me (the worst of their nature (what is the worst of the British nature. C'mon tell me!)) So Sarkozy would actually have to be Napoleon IV! Also: Also were all three Napoleons blood related? I have doubts...
As for the Queen I'm with you. I love her for WHO she is more than WHAT she is. If we had a dreadful person in charge I'm sure I'd be a bloody republican!!

Anonymous: ta I had MUCH profound slumber last night and this morning right through the Vanessa show (as per usual...)

Nick: yeah hormones of SPRING and MATING so I hear... she's not living in solitary, was only in there for an hour. If this goes on I don't know WHAT I'm gonna have to do...

Janice: yeah I read your Anglo-American post it was good I could add loads more examples... off the top of my memory:~
connexion = connection (though most Brits simply spell it connection like anyone else)
tyre = tire (for a car)
traveller = traveler
so traveller's cheques = traveler's checks
disc = disk
though a computer disk always has a K
(do you spell compact disc with a c? as our CDs have "compact disc" kind of trademarked upon with the c-spelling...?)
oh blah blah and so on
the ise/ize ending is optional in this country I use ize as it's more international and more to the point more phonetic
ae in mediaeval/primaeval etc... most people spell medieval/primeval but I preserve the ancient spelling as it LOOKS more ancient... oh blah blah and so on MORE!! haha great post!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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