HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Laundretta: Who Upset Her?

POOR LAUNDRETTA*. Throwing a massive tantrum on the stairs at around 4:30 am. Oh yeah, and our front door is swinging open 24-7, too. Probably thanks to her.

I found her half-asleep by the bathroom with vodka bottle and orange juice. Unfortunately my presence seemed to perk her up and when I returned from the shop with my mushrooms, peppers and cyder (fry-up ingredients (didn't fry the cyder though)) she took to tirading the purplest of blue language up the stairs at Matran who, she claimed was "having sex with another girl IN MY BED"!

I don't know what else to say except that as Gattina perceptively observed, my robos living on newspapers as they now do, are indeed the best-read hamsters in London.

*ps following a couple of "no comprendo" comments, perhaps I should point out that LAUNDRETTA is my 28 year-old drinking, crack-smoking working-girl neighbour. The toddler illustration is "symbolic"...

BLOG POST OF THE DAY:
Bimbimbie: Baby Aussie Rainbow Parrots + Morning Kangaroo...


22 comments:

d SINNER!!! said...

sorry...but i didnt gt a word of this...

anyways...keep smilin...

Zhu said...

Not sure I got it right but anyway your life always looks interesting ;)

M- Filer said...

Well that is a wonderful way of keeping perspective, by allotting exactly the same measure of import to a wailing junkie in the hallway, as you do the innocuous meanderings of your hamsters. I love it.

Gledwood said...

DSinner: uh?

~Zhu: uh??

M-filer: hmmm you DO get it...

Laundretta is my misbehaved neighbour who hollars and screams... that's all there is to get...

hello, my name is danny. said...

oh good, i suppose i thought the same thing m-filer did.

you're just reporting the facts as you see them. LOL

Angie said...

Hi Gleds,
Nice neighbour you've got there.There's never a dull moment with you, is there! By the way, thanks for your comment about Great Welsh Roads.I'm lucky enough to be able to pick up Welsh TV on my set in the bedroom.Fishlocks Wild Tracks was another programme I enjoy when it's on.

CrystalChick said...

I'm sure it's in a few posts on your blog somewhere... just don't have the extra time today to scan thru...so please give me a quickie rundown on your living quarters. How many rooms/apartments? And who are the main tenants, or characters if you will.

I must say, you do have an interesting way of putting things. ;)

Have a good weekend!

IVY said...

sigh... i LOVE it when you write about laudretta.... LOVE IT...

PS. I bought the book by kate holden cuz u suggested it. i'll let you know my thoughts when i read it.

Nessa said...

I'm sorry you have to have your brain invaded by such shrewery.

tut-tut said...

Yes, I'm with Crystal Chick; give us a brief tour of chez Gleds. Do you have a flatmate/roommate?

Yikes; not good to be awoken/kept awake/bothered by screaming mimis.

How's your leg??

Deb said...

oh, the drama of it all.

Although, when you're drinking & drugging, this is a normal activity, isn't it? My ex and I used to have our moments and I can say, in all honesty, that I'm glad that life's behind me.

I'm like Ivy...the laundretta posts are some of my favorites. I can somehow picture her.

Josie said...

Gledwood, I still say you have the most interesting blog and the most interesting life in the blogosphere.

Whitenoise said...

She's only 28?! Wow, and her life is already ruined...

Akelamalu said...

You are surrounded by nutcases!

How's your leg honey?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Poor Laundretta, indeed. I hope she's calmed down now. We'll have your hammies ananlysing the news next, Gleds!

Gledwood said...

OK I HAVE TO REPLY TOMORROW AS I HAVE ABOUT 6 MINS LEFT AND IT'LL ONLY LOG ME OUT MID-COMMENT IF I TRY NOW...

Gledwood said...


Danny: Thanks for the message. Glad you liked my blog: come back sometime soon! ;->...

Angie:
yeah Welsh telly can be very special. It's just if that's ALL you have... you end up losing out Friends and stuff you really wanna see in favour of Cardiff Singer of the World and other stuff which is good but which you might rather just watch Desperate Housewives or other American schlock in favour of...

Crystal: my house? I share with three other people. two of these three are drinkers/crackies. the other one is plain mad and thoroughly unpleasant. Laundretta says she's woken on the stairs to the sight of him "pleasuring" himself right over her "please let me finish" he begged. Big UIRGHCKKKK!!!

Ivy:
Kate Holden:~ at first reading that book I thought "hey she never really had much of a habit"... her middleclass background chimes with mine (and probably yours ~ she was anything but a "rough" character...) I just think her life was different... and she had the strength or inner resources to stop after just five years of constant habituation to the drug...

Gledwood said...


Nessa: "shrewery"! I like that!

Tut-tut: my leg's slowly getting better, thanks. As for noises off: I'm so used to them they do not bother me... I've done a v short answer to Crystal's Q... I shall have to post up the ~Tour Proper ... OK?

Debs: Laundretta is one hell of a character. I really like her though I used not to at ALL. Yes the chaos that ensues is pretty typical: I know you know what I mean...

Josie: Most interesting blog?~ Wow!~~ Cheers Dears!

Gledwood said...


Whitenoise: her life was ruined LONG before 28 I'm afraid...

Akelamalu: the leg's getting much better. It's still a bit weepy from underneath but blisters all gone and transformed into hard scabs. "Nature's dressings" as I call them.

Welshcakes: probably have my hammies READING the news next!!
;->...

Akelamalu said...

Good to hear your legs getting better. x

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood