HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Plotting... (& "only" $50million!)

NOT MY WIZZY NEW NOVEL, I'm afraid; though I wish it was. I've been plotting the course of what might eventually become part of another book (if it gets into my memoirs)... And that is: my FUTURE.

I sat up for what seemed like hours last night, penning all manner of conceptions to paper...

I would particularly like to set up a Gledwood podcast. Surely that's the way forward for "freestyling" radio these days rather than taking the hospital or pirate radio route...

(Just what would I cast about? Not more hamsters and heroin; it has to be grown-up stuff...)

Well that's about it. No point telling ideas before they're done. That's called "fiction" or, to put it perhaps more kindly; tends to turn into "plans never executed"... I'm only into planning the future present. The only kind of planning worth doing!

*

AND I NEARLY FORGOT! LEGAL EVENT OF THE YEAR: Heather Mills McCartney yesterday obtained a £24.3 million (ie $50 million give or take a couple of months' interest) divorce settlement from Sir Paul.

The press have had a field day baring all of Miss Mills's "porno past" etc. Even the judge insisted on taking the slightly unusual step of making his decision public... his judgement branded her an "unreliable witness"... and awarded her a fifth of the alleged £125/$250million she had claimed from Sir Paul's £400/$800 fortune (though the press have claimed he is worth double that...)

Poor Heather Mills. Though I'm hardly her biggest fan I don't hate her as the tabloid press do... If you click on this link the full tabloid post mortem plus some lovely photos should pop up, showing her seemingly utterly deranged. The press are so clever at getting these. My diagnosis is of a single-minded lady of great determination whose mind has become focused on this divorce to the exclusion of nearly all else: which has led her to become over-wrought... so over-wrought, in fact that as soon as the case was over she allegedly ran up to Sir Paul's lawyer and doused her over the head with mineral water (it was a posh brand though).

Hopefully Miss Mills and her $50million can now move on to fresh pastures and poor Sir Paul can retire in peace to his Scottish hideaway and live out the rest of his days $50million poorer, but with $750million still intact...

BLOGTHING OF THE DAY:
American "high end" motorhomes
(poshest personal coaches I've ever seen: these are fantastic... if you could get one shipped over you could have SUCH a lark driving around Europe in one... (so much more glamorous, as I said in their comments than camping in the awning of a shivery 1960s Dormabile!!!)

BLOG II Spanish-seeming person's Wales-looking photos...

PS why are Chinese and Japanese schoolgirls into such candy-coloured kitch like this..?

28 comments:

Emperor Ropi said...

just work with that novel

Gledwood said...

I will. I have the 1st draft done already but there was stuff with it I did not like... only new concept I have for the 2nd is that slavering baying pram-wheel chewing ill-behaved and threatening lovely hellhound Gwendolina who's always being punished and locked in the kitchen.

btw you must have been here precisely the same moment I was just commenting at yours

Akelamalu said...

It's good to hear you talking about 'the future' Gleds. :)

I've always thought Heather Mills is a goldigger and slightly batty - she's proved she is!

CrystalChick said...

Didn't really think she should be entitled to an enormous sum after only a couple years married... seems now like maybe she did just want to make a baby and then grab a little of the money, especially after I read that she was angry because her daughter is only receiving 70,000 a year plus nanny and school expenses and she said that it's apparent he wants the child to have to travel B class while he travels A class.
But then, shame on him for not doing a prenup. With that kind of money, it was a big risk right from the start.

Anonymous said...

You are being very mysterious about your new podcast! Guess we have to wait to find out more and hope it's not too long ... ;) Perhaps the discussed subjects could be conceptions from your 'second' book? Here and now is a great way to go!

Devil Mood said...

Hello!
I don't understand if the videos on top are part of this post or part of the blog header, or none..
But it's interesting because I heard of that 'Sweeter than...' song only today on the radio and here again!

I'm enjoying your hamsters.

I watched Heather Mills when she walked out of the court. I especially enjoyed when she mentioned: "everybody knows he's worth much more than that" and she mentioned a sum.
lol the nerve...

Whitenoise said...

She must have been great in the sack!

zen wizard said...

Well, as I discussed ad nauseum in my blog, I was expecting $90-million; but we are more used to Community Property/California divorces over here, and England obviously goes by the common law (not Napoleonic Code-influenced.)

In California, she also would have gotten "rehabilitative alimony"--which is basically, "Go out and get some training so you can get a job," but with movie star types that can be, like, $25k-per-month or whatever.

Heather Mills is getting $70,000-per-year for the maintenance of SOMETHING--I forget what.

I guess their daughter is I think 5-years-old and probably I guess most of the $70k would be to get her into the right school or whatever.

In America, that would have been child support and a little less so maybe part of that is for mainenance of some joint property they had.

But the point is that in America, she would have been given the rehabilitative alimony and in the Western states and Louisiana, a bigger chunk of change, because all of the royalties he would have recieved on his catalogue while they were married would have been, "Community Property."

It's my understanding you can feed a family of four on the royalties from "Yesterday" alone.

Who gets their robot dog? Heather never liked him; he always wanted to hump her fake leg.

(I apologize in advance for that one...)

Liz said...

I don't know where I've been or how I've missed so many of your posts! Big congratulations on your radio interview - for turning up and getting through it! We knew you would be super whizzo once you got going.

You are very knowledgeable about hamsters and yours sound very entertaining.

Is Mother Hubbs okay these days?

Heather Mills, pah! I'm glad she didn't get much out of Paul.

Now when's this podcast going to happen?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Gleds. You can get that novel published, you know! Keep going! As for la Mills, I can't stand ber but had to have a giggle re that posh woman's hair! I suppose I'm on the British side of the underdog - only we don't quite know who that is, here, do we?

Patti said...

What I want to know is what in the flippin' hell did she do to deserve that money??? Seriously.

WAT said...

Damn that Heather Mills! DAMN HER TO HELL!

Us normal folk struggle on a daily basis to work and toil for our little paychecks and she just walked away filthy rich and amazingly comfortable from her "job" of the whining poor ex- wife of Sir Paul?!

SHE IS AN ANNOYING MONEY GRUBBING WHORE! I HOPE THE TABLOIDS CONTINUE WRECKING HER LIFE FOR WHAT SHE IS!

She does not deserve so much damn cash at all! AS A LOYAL BEATLES FAN I have helped pay for this witch's more than wealthy life?!

UGH!

Bimbimbie said...

... I had to laugh when I saw Heather come out of court she couldn't get herself in front of the cameras quick enough to moan and groan ... now this morning I understood why after hearing what the judge made of her*!*

4BC - they don't have an agony aunt as such, but they throw the lines open for listeners to give their thoughts or air their hotted up brain cells over topics of the day.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Oh, poor Heather. But she certainly came of the marriage with a hell of a lot more than she had before the wedding.

Nicole said...

I would just like to repeat what "WAT" said (minus me being a Beatles fan). Heather Mills is a disgrace to the human race. I'm surprised nobody has ripped that wooden leg off her, beat her over the head with it and shoved it up her skanky arse.

Regarding the food posted, it is Japanese, I don't think the Chinese do this type of thing. It's called a "Bento" box and basically the Japanese have a tradition in making pretty lunch boxes. They have also taken this art to extremes as seen on that blog. Some of that stuff doesn't even look like food to me.

nj.marabuto said...

just passing by to thank you for your visit and your compliment. the poetry says "it utterly annoys [me], sometimes, being nothing as perfect as love".

zen wizard said...

I read the judge's opinion last night--yes, I am the biggest nerd that ever lived--and here's what she did to deserve $50-million dollars:

He broke his fingernail playing the guitar and it was bleeding, so she recommended that he get an acrylic fingernail and he conceded in court that that was a "good idea."

For want of an acrylic nail, the tour would have been lost!

Or, I guess, if you have $1.6-billion, you could call the local Musicians' Union and hire a guitar player. I'm just throwin' that out there...

Also interesting:

He expressly admits that he hasn't done anything worth a shit since Wings. (Hey--read it for yourself!)

Like a dips***--or, I guess, Sir Dips***--he gave her credit as an "artistic consultant" on the movie of his tour even though he contends--and she disputes--that she really didn't do anything like lighting and set design, etc.

She claims--all together, now--"She was highly influential on his songwriting..."

The decline of the American dollar also cost him approx. $48-million in income during the course of their marriage.

I'll bet there are a bunch of rich blueblood Europeans that are really pissed at us right now, huh?

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: yeah exactly

Crystal: prenuptual agreements are not legally binding in the UK! which is ridiculous as, judgement by judgement, the divorce courts are writing chapter on chapter of a gold diggers' charter...

Anon: the second book is merely a 2nd draft of a novel already written. my memoirs are about 1/3 done... the podcast isn't mysterious. for 1 thing i lack the technology to actually DO the cast! plus what the hell would I cast ABOUT?..??

DMood: why such an unChristian name?

the hamsters are the most superior pets in the world. though illegal in vietnam...

heather mills' picture came out FAR prettier in Germany's Bild Zeitung, which has no vendetta against her...

Gledwood said...

Whitenoise: must have done something right, aye!

ZenWizz: Paul McArtney made about $11million tops in annual personal income (I take it this is BEFORE taxes)... i like the idea of rehabilitative alimony it's pathetic that in other cases women who might have erned $50,000 tops in secretarial type jobs "give up their careers" to go daily shopping with diamond and platinum cards then claim a cut of the guy's income for "advising his career direction" if I ever get married I will pay my wife a consultancy fee for every contribution she makes at the time. plus no way would i do it without a prenup even in the uk... that is assuming i actually will HAVE any money which of course i do not but hey you can daydream about billion dollar divorce haahha!!

Liz: podcast: when i get something to record it on. i need broadcast quality STEREO recording... how do i go about this?

Mother Hubbs: fine

Hamsters: yes they are highly superior!

I've had a lot of troubles trying to access your blog; e.g. it is blank until about half a page down... any idea why?

Welshcakes: do you remember HM claiming Sir P beat her? only made me and I expect many others assume she must have wound him up so badly even the placidseeming Paul McArtney snapped...

Gledwood said...

Patti: absolutely nothing! not even golddigger: if she was digging, platinum digger I'd say...

Wat: does the US press hate her as much as the British? Surely they don't print such choice photos... the Sun was hilarious! Did you click? You have to see slideshow 2/2 for the best one...

Bimbimbie: i used to listen to Anna Rayburn on Talk Radio UK she was the only good radio agony aunt; Silvia Milton's "sexual and emotional counselling" on LBC didn't even come close! (btw this was over 10 yrs ago...)

Nick: precisely

Gledwood said...

Nicole: I know how you feel. but she HAS done a LOT for antilandmine charities etc she really has... do you remember just b4 the marriage how well publicized was the "rift" with daughter Stella? THAT has nary had a mention lately has it I'm sure Stella has a LOT to say

Marabuto: your English is way better than my Portuguese. Thanxx for the translation!

ZenWizz: o yeah I heard about the acrylic nail; the judge was really sarcastic about this

:

Devil Mood said...

My name is not a question of christianity or unchristianity...it's a state of being (in a constant turmoil)
;)

zen wizard said...

For most of us average shlubs, the "separate property" thing makes a lot of sense:

I mean, if Ward and June Cleaver get divorced, the biggest asset is probably the house, which is in a joint tenancy, anyway.

(If Ward croaks, the right of survivorship kicks in on the joint tenancy.)

That, coupled with "rehabilitative alimony"--which is a very California concept that a lot of jurisdictions are copying off of--

My prediction for Heather Mills:

1) She "writes" one of those "as told to Joe Hackenstein at the Publishing Company, who Proceeded to Really Write It"-books;

2) She does the obligatory reality TV show, like The Surreal Life or whatever, and fends off the advances of Ron Jeremy and
Bronson Pinchot;

3) If Larry King even remembers who she is--does Larry King remember who Larry King is, at this point?--she picks up the ball on her "celebrity interviewer"-gig.

4) She keeps up her "lucrative public speaking" career and keeps doing that "Don't eat meat in a minefield in Bosnia"-charity work (or whatever it was.)

If Heather is reading this, I am available for gigolo services--I just need some hypnotherapy sessions and some pharmaceutical help to get past the amputee thing.

Better yet, I think there are some dudes who are actually INTO IT.

The fifty million will certainly HELP in that department, let's just leave it at that.

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Gledwood said...

DevilMood: o! I think I see... like me when I once caught sight of myself in the mirror during a "relationship" row: in such a state of fury I appeared utterly demon-possessed! No kidding!!

ZenWizz: I'm not sure whether or not Mills is ALLOWED to discuss their marriage... it was one sticking point. He wanted her guaranteed silence; she insisted upon being able to speak out about it afterwards and I was sure a book was in the offing. Not only would this make her a good $2million++ in advances but would allow her basically to badmouth and malign Sir Paul all over again and in her own eloquently ghosted words... (I wouldn't touch it if I were a publisher; I think it will tank in the UK and most probably abroad.... I was shocked how little she's liked Stateside especially... as she was supposedly rehabilitating her image on that Dancine on Ice with the Stars thing whatever it was... was it true she slipped up and her false leg went flying into the audience once day..??

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METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood