HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Baby Itchy's Human Mountaineering

I TOOK OUT "BABY" ITCHY ROBOROVSKI, the smallest and tamest Tiny Trotter for a ramble today and she spent half an hour mountaineering along my arms, up my knees, then disappearing down an inch-wide long plastic tube I rescued from a skip and shoving around my sleeves. I say shoving because she does this nudge nudge digging thing with her nose which is really ticklish what with her 2ft long whiskers (in robo-feet). She can also climb it when it's literally vertical, then appears at the top, all furry and surprised, as if saying to me "where do I go NOW?"

I got one drugs telesales call when I was fast asleep at 10 o'clock this morning. The screen said TWONK (ie it's someone I wanted nothing to do with anyhow...) he quickly gave up within around 6 rings...

I've had such an obsession with gnocchi I used the entire 500g packet, together with half a jar of Ragu Oregano and Basil ~ half price (66p). You have to be careful which of those pasta sauces you buy as Ragu is proper ie 150g tomatoes go into every 100g (they are boiled down during production). Supermarket's own brand (£1.15 for about a litre) was only 40% tomatoes, I noticed, and contained added water, as such sauces should never do. If you want added water, add it yourself during cooking (it makes 'em go twice as far). Another top tip is to add Ragu to chopped tomatoes. The Ragu taste you simply cannot get, even from concentrated tomato puree. Your tomatoes must have gone through the specialized 3-hr lidless oven-baking sessions to get the mega-mellow taste right. Adding just a bit of Ragu to chopped tomatoes and puree makes it just right. But without that little bit of Ragu... you're nowhere near there! I've also used half a tub of grated Parmesan in about 2 days: yummm!

La Toya Jackson (yes! Michael's sister: looks how he probably wished he looked) is on Celebrity Big Brother, together with a tiny Hollywood actor guy called Verne Troyer (played Mini-Me in all them Austen Powers films), together with "Gangsta's Paradise" rapper Coolio. (Do click those links ~ they're hilarious!) For those of you without access to Limey TV, here's a clip of the first two discussing the third:



PS MY "WHERE IN THE COCA-COLONIZED WORLD" COMPETITION from yesterday's still open. Will somebody please gimme an answer on the mysteriously-lettered bottle. I know you don't know so just GUESS!

8 comments:

Crushed said...

I reckon they come from West Africa.

Ghana or somewhere.

Baino said...

OK I'll play your silly game: One is defo Israeli One I think isEthiopian, one Arabic and big guess that the others are Polish and Malasian or Indonesian

Puss-in-Boots said...

I had a look at the coke cans. One's from Russia (it's got the name on it), one looks like it's from Poland from the language and I can't read the third.

Jeannie said...

La Toya's nose is way too short and skinny. eww

No clue about the coke really - some of it's maybe Arabic.

Jeanette said...

Gday Gleds,Im back
Happy new year to you, I think the Cokes from Russia, o! is in arabic. and i think the other Indonesia. Bali...

Anonymous said...

THOSE ARE SOME VERY GOOD COCA-COLA GUESSES: FULL ANSWERS TOMORROW!

LA TOYA JACKSON..! ACTUALLY I ASSUMED SHE WOULD BE THE SILLY COW THE PRESS HAD MADE HER OUT TO BE... REALLY, TO ME, SHE SEEMS A SWEET, YET DAMAGED, PERSON...

Anonymous said...

Shit your so lucky, you get to watch Celeb big brother. Here in the US big brother is only on during the summer, and its my all time favorite passtime. I even watch live over the internet. I know I'm lame! Anyway, is there anyway for me...a US citizen to watch UK Celeb Big Brother on the internet?
Question number two, why are all the celebs from the US, on a UK show? Dosen't the UK have their own Celebs? I love the UK, and want to move thier someday soon. So I'm not being mean, or putting your country down, I'm just wondering.
By the way I love Dark Chocolate too. Yummmy. Thats in your other blog I just read. Sorry if I confused you, because I'm confusing myself.

Anonymous said...

Shit your so lucky, you get to watch Celeb big brother. Here in the US big brother is only on during the summer, and its my all time favorite passtime. I even watch live over the internet. I know I'm lame! Anyway, is there anyway for me...a US citizen to watch UK Celeb Big Brother on the internet?
Question number two, why are all the celebs from the US, on a UK show? Dosen't the UK have their own Celebs? I love the UK, and want to move thier someday soon. So I'm not being mean, or putting your country down, I'm just wondering.
By the way I love Dark Chocolate too. Yummmy. Thats in your other blog I just read. Sorry if I confused you, because I'm confusing myself.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood