THIS IS MY NEW GOAL: far from being just blank and "clean" (never was sure of the "clean/dirty" terminology) but to strive for the true peace and Serenity (as NA call it) of Recovery.Recovery is not a mere state of being but a process. As far as I understand it is the process of reconciling oneself with the reasons and forces that led us down Smack Alley to the morass of Addiction and moving on from there to learn how to live without drugs of any kind.
NA put great store on this "avoid all drugs" motto (and I think this is the most dangerous aspect of their thinking). They say that even having a drink is using, even if drinking never formed part of your using. Swapping focus from one drug to another is "like switching seats on the Titanic: you're still going down"...
Yes I can see they have a point. And their point makes doing the NA programme actually harder than living "drug-addiction free" than many normal people do, who might pour out the red wine before dinner, continue quaffing while cooking and finish a bottle a person over food after a hard day's work, then feel entitled to get slaughteringly drunk at the weekend (well: if you're British, Irish or Australian especially) and then in this drunken state perhaps turn to 4am spliffs and perhaps cocaine. Millions of "normal" people with respectable jobs engage in such behaviour on a weekly basis. In my day popping ecstasy pills was the thing. You'd go to the club or rave and take the magic tablet (or one and a half or two)... an hour later you're in a wonderland that, most amazingly you share with everybody there. It felt like the most amazing thing. None of the people engaging in this activity would have called themselves "addicts".Once you have become a full-blown addict, I suppose you have to recognize that you've messed up brain and body to such a degree that for a very long while drugs of any kind ~ including drink ~ are going to be a no-no, unless you want to risk slipping back into deep waters ...
Having said that, I feel some people at NA take the "all using is relapsing" theme too far. I've heard a few stories about people who "lapse" maybe by popping a sleeping pill or knocking back a Scotch. Next thing anybody knows they're back at the heroin and crack. And in this country the vast majority of NA-members are there for one (or more usually both) of those two drugs.I don't know why I'm saying all this: to convince myself...? To tell you all I'm convincing myself..? I don't know.
PS IF you want something entertaining, click here for a quick snapshot of my "personality"...
PPS ANSWERS to my Coca Cola quiz are: cans (in reading order zigzagging down) Arabic, Russian, Hebrew; the bottle was ARMENIAN!!!
PPPS I SAID I was going to put up stuff for worried parents. Of course I have not done. But there is one organization called Adfam for the families of addicts and users. Clickonthem for more info. The link I got was British but there are similar organizations internationally.
14 comments:
So have you convinced yourself?
well it's not just about convincing it's about DOING it and actions speak so much louder than words and are so much harder to put into practice, y'know...
I think this would depend on the person but since addicts are probably inclined to want to lie to themselves, I'd probably adhere to the rule at least until such time as you are unlikely to slide into using again - like what? A year? maybe 6 months? I don't know, not having been there. All I can say about me is that alcohol and weed are entirely different species and unrelated. Just like weed and tobacco. Sort of like camomile tea is different than orange pekoe.
True, actions do spear louder than words. But since, all we have to go by is your words, how will we really know?
I think maybe part of the "abstinence" line of thinking is that somehow part of the process needs to be feeling o.k. with yourself with nothing altering your mood/mindset. That you have to learn to feel the feelings, go through the experiences completely substance free in order to learn to live that way. That by putting anything into your body, you alter your state and the secret is to get to feel good with nothing. Sound right? I don't know...I'm not expert. But, I know for my brother that personally he chooses to stay away from EVERYTHING associated with his old lifestyle, because once he starts "feeling connected" to it, it pulls him back. So he's had to completely change his entire life and learn to live his "new" life.
You'll get there in your own time/way. Each and every individual is just that - an individual and nothing's cut and dry. I have faith in you.
And serenity (I think) is the end result when everything falls into place. A stop to smell the roses things where a lightbulb goes off and you think "aha, this is what it's all about". Again, just my thoughts.
xo
Keep going with this positive thinking, Gleds. I reckon you'll be clean soon.
Hah, I got the Russian can right!
Dear Gleds ~~ I like the title word -
Serenity. It sounds so nice and peaceful. Good luck with your trying
You will make it one of these days.
Why not NOW?
Thanks for your comments and the story of "Paid in Full" was good. I like the twist in the tale ones.
Must watch out for Jeffrey Archer's books. Take great care, my friend.
Love and Best wishes, Merle.
You make some good points, yes.
Especially your middle paragraph. it's how many people live. I think at times I pushed the limits here and approached addictrion on various counts without ever really becoming one.
You're doing well though, I guess because as your banner says, you have your testament here to keep you honest with yourself.
Get clean...the world could use ya. I am freezing here today, west Toronto is in a blackout, this means no heat. Grrrr. At times like these I really loath being a Cannuck.
Jeannie: I think it has to be at least a year without messing with anything else... if you DO so much want a drink the question really has to be WHY ~ know what I mean...
David: by my words! the entire demeanour of them will change
Debs: I agree with your brother and don't see why I should need drugs or drink of any kind after getting clean. possibly with the exception of sleeping pills which I've "needed" since my teens
Puss-in-Boots: I hope so, ta
Merle: Jeffrey Archer gets derided over here (partly bc he was a Tory MP & activist as much as anything else...) but I think his stories stand up v well as plot driven tales... well worth picking out and shouldn't be hard to find
Crushed: sounds to me you came quite close... I was surprised when I first went to NA (about 9 years ago!!!) NOT to find any casualties direct out of the club/rave scene. any there were had become gear/crackheads first and come for those drugs. nobody came in because of using too much e which i found strange...
Reeny/Eileen: I could learn to park aeroplanes on the East River....
I agree with NAs stand. As a smoker, and a drinker, the two go together more often than not. Come Monday, I'm hitting the nicotine patches and cutting out the booze. I think you have to disassociate completely and change your routine to fit the 'new you'. Good luck! Wish me luck too? I'll need it . . bet I turn into a harpy.
Re smoking: when I did it (I did give up totally for the best part of a year, did new year's eve and everything without fags) I used gum as you can substitute for individual smokes when you feel you want one... there's also a nasal spray for those most strongly addicted that works really well, though it's supposed to burn your throat. Just thought I'd throw that in ;->...
I really like the 12 step slogan..."instead of THIKING your way into a new way of acting, one must ACT their way into a new way of thinking"
Having been on both sides of this fence, I can tell you that I used to have all of these philosophical debates about using, and not using and what is or isn't recovery etc..., and what drug was dangerous and what wasn't (for me), but I got clean when I finally shut my mouth about it and surrendered. All of my thinking got me HIGH. I had to just let go of the thinking for a while. I even told myself that after 5 years I would consider myself cured and then go ahead and have a drink or two ( I was a crack/meth head).
I celebrated 5 years clean in September, and I am so happy to be free of the compulsion that I decided to put off those drinks. I don't want to take the chance of falling back into that compulsion.I have discovered talents, and found energy to accomplish things in life that would not be possible if I was still sleeping all day.If you gave your self a break, you might become a famous author or discover talents you neverknew you had.
I hope this doesn't sound preachy, I am just speaking from experience.
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