So I use the version for foreigners. If I want to write "mouse" I spell out nezumi I see ねずみ on screen; then I press space and the Chinese character for "mouse" appears: 鼠; finally I can highlight and F7 to get the phonetic katakana spelling for nezumi, ネズミ which is what most young children would write as the character 鼠 doesn't appear on the Japanese government's 常用漢字 official 1945-character list. So it's lots of fun typing. Far more involved than trying to find the accented e at the end of cafe.There's no other news. All I've done re this memoir is ponder whether to start at the very beginning or go straight into the action where I OD on heroin ~ second time anyone ever injected me I ended up in hospital for 2 or 3 days. I cannot remember how many; I was too out of it.
I've wasted money on gear that was just too weak for words. I keep wondering 1: why I continue to take it and 2: why I want to stop. I do want to stop but I don't even know why. Best reason I can give is that I'm bored of it and want to try life without it once more. I lived 2/3 of my life without heroin so I'm sure I can live that way again. My biggest problem is with methadone. It's so demotivational. Knowing I'm taking something more addictive, more poisonous does nothing for the self-esteem. I don't think once they've tasted a life on heroin most people will ever find any meaning in life again. For this reason I still think the kindest treatment for junkies would be to line them up and machine gun them all down.
I don't know why I am bothering with any of this. They say a problem is just something you haven't solved yet, which means I have no problem except life. When I was little a paeophile tried to pick me up. It's a shame that didn't happen because if he'd had half an ounce of wherewithall about him, wouldn't be here now. I wanted to see my memoir as a cautionary tale, but that's missing the point and implying my problem is rooted in drugs when it's not. The drugs were just my attempt at a cure. Since birth there has been something wrong with me. People seem to assume because I'm humanoid I'm human, but even that's not necessarily true. Maybe I'm a totally different species. By human standards, there's something badly wrong I'm not willing to fix it I know I will only get blame blame blame when I do. So I do nothing, not knowing what to do...
There might be an answer. Maybe I haven't found it; maybe I have. Croutons. I need more croutons.
2 comments:
I freaking love japanese :) But damn, it seems so hard to learn... (I mean the characters). That's a bit overwhelming, for me anyway.
I also tried to cure myself with opiates and it even worked, to this day, regarding my depressions and anxiety.
Gov should just give heroin addicts heroin instead of methadone. I have no idea why they just won't do it.
Because thezäre stupid!
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