HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Sunday Oven Shelf Hamster

HAVE AN ENTERTAINING SUNDAY EVERYONE... no talk of d***s today... I am just thinking Sunday lunch... and how I must wash my clothes they STINK of tobacco smoke like I'm the Ashman of London. Dreadful stuff. Righto what else was I going to say: hey do you like that hammy apparently hanging upside down from an oven shelf? (Looks like an oven shelf to me...) Take care everyone... have a nice weekend what remains...

16 comments:

tomshideaway said...

All I did was eat this weekend...We still have boxes of cookies, Jelly Beans, Cherry Pie, and pound cake sitting on the counter just waiting, nevermind the pastries that came in this morning.....no work just munching and naps today!!

Akelamalu said...

Can't see your picture Gleds. Have a good weekend hon. x

gypsy said...

looks cute...

u could have added urs as well:P....


take care!

Anonymous said...

BAKED HAMMY FOR LUNCH!?!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Cute pic!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Well, Gleds, I'm not around for a few days and your life goes haywire...chemical burns, blisters and threat of abscesses...not good at all.

I just hope it comes right for you, but just watch that you don't get those blisters infected...could be very nasty, as I'm sure you realise.

Hope all improves for you soon, Gleds...you've got plenty of support from Blogland, anyway.

Take care...and here's a hug.

Deb said...

Hey gled...my visits have been less frequent (everywhere, not just here)...working a lot more and have had a lot on the go. Love the picture...so cute.

Bimbimbie said...

.... Oh I thought the hammy was simply taking a ride on the underground tube ... standing room only lol gorgeously adorable *!*

Hope you are feeling a little better.

Audrey said...

Too cute Gleds, looks like its doing gymnastics...Hope sunday lunch was good....

Steve said...

Gleds, Liza is great, but unfortunately has to live in the shadow of her mother, Judy Garland, (Wizard of Oz) who was in a special category of greatness. Here's a link to some YouTube clips of Liza in Cabaret - better yet go rent the dvd.


Garland maybe didn't sing as technically well as Minelli, but she just had a great presence and made every song her own. See if you can find the Carnegie Hall two disk album. Here's another link

These might take your mind off your abcesses for a while. Cheers.

Gledwood said...

Tom: Excellent stuff!

Akelamalu: Can't see my picture? what no pictures? what happened? just blank boxes with crosses in?...

DSinner: ah maybe that IS me ~ haHAARGH!!

Anon:
That was him hanging over the breadcrumbs bowl... haHA!!

Gledwood said...

Welshcakes: ta!

Puss-in-Boots: dr's giving me strongest antibiotics just to stop it GETTING infected... heavy stuff (I spose..) ta for getting in touch again. hugs back ;->...

Debs:
cheers: I've not been around much either. But I hope your tooth's better by now! ;->...

Bimbimbie: or maybe that was upside down with someone grabbed hold of the ankle... actually that's far far more complicated even~...~...

Gledwood said...

Auds: that is hammy-gymnastics...

Steve: ah, see! that was very perceptive of you:~ "Garland maybe didn't sing as technically well as Minelli, but she just had a great presence and made every song her own" ~ that is v well put. I do like ole Lyzer's voice...

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

The picture of the Hammie is cute. Much cuter than your recent batch on boils and sores which though educational, can't compete with this photo.

jim dandy said...

Hey Gleds, I've been sick for a couple weeks and haven't "made the rounds" lately.
The cat videos are too funny. (and accurate, too)
Hope you are well.
ta ra!

Gledwood said...

LoneGrey:... the pus can't compete?!? I should think so, too! (hey! v near typo: "I should think so, goo!" wouldn't THAT have been a cracker..!!)

JimD: hey Jim don't worry I've barely done "the rounds" either I dunno I wasn't too shyte hot either and so really didn't do too much either... o man I gotta go I'm still a-SLEEP on my FEET today by the seemings! !! ;->...

take it easy!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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