Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Me: Online: Tonight: Talkin' 2U...

I DID NOT STEAL chocolate. I yammed it down this morning... Ritter milk and biscuit which was a compromise for 2 cravings (thick, thick chocolate and biccies)... though I wished I'd gone for neat dark choc as afterwards I felt vaguely sick, yet craving more... Something dark chocolate never does. Ho-hummm.

The picture is supposed to be Whoopi Goldberg from the 80s film Jumpin' Jack Flash, which as you probably know, features lots of onscreen dialogue of the style now possible on my blog via my personal Gabbly Gledwood chatroom!

It's not just for yarning to me you know, you can speak to each others...

You know whether you've got company, and how much, by how many "gabbers" are listed online at any given time... The doorbell sound announces a new arrival at my page; the schmonng sound means someone's just said something.

To reply:

Just tap something out in the dialogue window, press return, and you'll see it join the rolling script.

The screen will tell you you're "gabber 609", say. Change this number into your name by clicking on that and replacing it with your internet "handle".

I shall be online tonight answering notes, queries and making general conversation with anybody around from 8pm local time which would be around 6am Australian and for you Americans is around 3pm Eastern, or midday to y'all on the West Coast...

Please give me a minute or so to reply if you initiate the conversation: I might be on another window, waiting to hear that schmonng that says someone's talking to me. (How do you bring up another window? I scroll down my own sidebar to that Google searchbox and take it from there. It means I can be in my blog twice without losing my place on Gabbly if I happen to skip off-page for a sec...

OK so looking forward to speaking to anyone who can be there 8pm "Universal" Standard Time!!

Here's a tune I hear time and time again:
Guru Josh: Infinity 2008

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11 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Ooooh your own chatroom! :0

Not sure I'll be online at 8 but if I am I'll stop by.

12 January 2009 at 18:56
Gledwood said...

I am now!! It's 20:08 hours (late as ever!!)

12 January 2009 at 20:08
Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I will try it sometime!

12 January 2009 at 20:47
Gledwood said...

I'm going to have to make another appt online. I think this time's only convenient for folks in Europe, the Aussies are still in bed, Americans still at work!!

12 January 2009 at 20:55
Puss-in-Boots said...

It's just after 10 am in Brisbane at the time of typing this. Not sure what time that would be for you...you're probably sound asleep.

13 January 2009 at 00:05
Anonymous said...

Hey man, thanks for all your really nice comments. I'm pretty new to this blog thing and it seems like people get really offended by some of the stuff people write or leave as comments. I've always tried to keep my comments positive but I was sad to see people get angry. So your comments really cheered me up. Thank you so much. Your blog is always a pleasure, funny and light-hearted even when you may seem down. You seem cool. You live in London, eh? I've been there once and it was really beautiful and gothic compared to the states. Thank you again.
N.

13 January 2009 at 02:26
David Tellez said...

So, apparently I missed you, since it's like five in the morning over there right now...still, hope you had a good sleep and maybe I'll find you in your chat room very soon!

13 January 2009 at 03:13
Anonymous said...

yeah, i'm one of those #4 kids. Philadelphia's dopes straight from columbia generally. Way way pure, and way way cheap.
Which, i guess could be a very good, or a very bad thing, depending on how you look at it.

13 January 2009 at 06:20
Nicole said...

I'm usually asleep at 6am, but wake up at 7am to go to work. I'll try and pop into the chat if I can :)

13 January 2009 at 08:49
Baino said...

Haha. . .had no idea what this was about but I think I now have a gabber ID. If only I can get the timezones right! Why couldn't you do something 'normal' like Facebook, Skype or MSN? Anyways. I'm in but not on if you catch my drift.

13 January 2009 at 09:05
Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: actually I could get online for 10pm your time it would involve being here midday local time (so complicated in this electronic age I can't just say "now" because now is then for you... well y'know what I'm saying...)

Nellie: you're welcome ;->...

David: I know I will have to try to get online in the American evening, if I can find a caff open late enough...

Cody: You know American heroin's more than 7x stronger than it was 20 years ago..??!?

Nicole: I will try to get online for 7am your tiee I will email you or send a comment

Baino: normal??!? me??? I never got how those others worked and Facebook ... funny logins etc. They call that a "blog" but surely it's just a "page"...

13 January 2009 at 18:51

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood