HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Furry Friday/Saturday: Chinchillas

IF I were going to get bigger furry pets, I would go for chinchillas:




Their wild habitat is high in the Andes, where they ping about the rocks:



They look like rabbits from Mars:



Chinchilla fur is so dense not a single parasite can live among it. They must take weekly dust baths in special (expensive) volcanic sand. They seem to really like doing this:



Baby chinchillas look really horrible:

17 comments:

Bimbimbie said...

Never have I seen uglier looking babies Gleds ;) Love the one enjoying a bath.

Hope things are settling into place at your new home and that you are giving phone boxes a wide berth from now on*!*

Fishwhiskers said...

My daughter used to have chinchillas. They gave her a few nasty nips, so she gave them up. My biggest furry rodent at the moment is an 8 year old rabbit. On top of the 2 cats and 2 dogs. xxx

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: no more fone boxes for me. I know aren't those babies scaley and yukky??

Fishwiskas: I wanted to get a giant rabbit I could walk in a harness. Then I realized everyone by me seems to keep fighting dogs. It would be eaten in a moment. Then my attention turned to Martian Rabbits...

Akelamalu said...

Chinchillas do look a bit like rabbits. I think the babies look really cute!

sofia said...

hi gled!!!!
i am so sorry, but i don`t have internet at home, neither computer, right now...
that`s why i have beeing a bit quiet... thanks for your comments, you`re very sweet... stay in touch.
i hope you`re doing well. big kiss, stay in touch.

Fishwhiskers said...

Gled ... Martion rabbits are cool with all that green fur :D and the beat fighting dogs hands down every time. I have seen it happen!!! K x

Syd said...

I think that they are really cool. I can't imagine killing them for a coat. I even like the babies.

Baino said...

Aww why do I feel that hampster is doomed . . .love the chinchillas and c'mon, bit harsh? Baby everythings are cute!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

.....and the lion will sleep with the lamb. Still I'd rather not be the hamster.

Puss-in-Boots said...

One day that snake just might feel hungry. As for those Chinchilla babies, I think they're quite cute!

kelly Al-Saleh said...

Maybe the snake is vegetarian?

I think the baby chins are cute actually. Most babies of the species have that - head and eyes bigger than rest of body - thing going on.

It makes me want to get a chinchilla but I've got a psychopath/serial killer cat so don't know if I should really. Maybe when he's old and senile.

xKelly

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

I can see that hamster goin down, don't trust my opinion tho coz I absolutely am terrified of snakes. Those baby chinchillas should be baked in a quesedilla they are so ugly ;)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Hiya, Gleddy. Great pictures in this post.

Hope your week will be a good one.

Love,

SB

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: aye, yer not wrong!

Sofia: Ah! I wondered what happened to you!! I will ;->...

Fishwiskas: I would love to see that...

Syd: they must have made amazing coats. But I can't imagine killing the cone-nosed wonders either...

Baino: aye, I was only joking! Yes I aqree with you about the snake, though I feel it's probably being wise knowing (a) whether it goes for the hamster or not, it will get fed anyhow... and (b) as long as the hamster's alive it gets a free 24-hour heatpad and reptiles really need something like that bc they're coldblooded ...

Gledwood said...

Lonegrey: I think the snake gets more than the hamster out of that deal, as I said above...

Pussinboots: aye I'm with you on the babies really ... I agree with you on the snake... only maybe it's never caught and eaten live food in its life so it'll never learn...

Kelly: you're sposed to keep chinchins in cages (though lots of people don't, but they can eat electrical cables...) so the cat would have at least that obstacle. If worst came to worst the chin could defend itse'f with its conical bitey-nose...

Reeny: what on earth's a questila??

Sarcastic: ta!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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