HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, May 25, 2009


Vienna ~ where I'm thinking of fleeing to ~ is world-famous for its Konditorei; its quality cakes:

Schokoladenkuchen (chocolate cake)

Käsekuchen (cheesecake)

Schwarzwalderkirschtorte (Black Forest Gâteau) ...

... and erstaunliche Kuchen ~ cakes of sheer genius! ...

... yum yum YUMMM!!


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Damn, Gledwood! I haven't see deserts like those since I lived in Germany in the early '70s. Now my taste buds are watering!

Gledwood said...

See! Die Deutschsprechenden Länder have something sweet going for them after all~!!!

Fishwhiskers said...

Gled ... you forgot Vienna's most important cake ... SACHERTORTE!!! Yummy yummy ... but why you want to flee?? Fishy xx

sally in norfolk said...

wow the chocolate cake looks delish :-)

Vincent said...

Mate! Where is the bloody sachertorte???

A black forest cake is from the black forest in Germany by the way ;-)

Jeannie said...

Our grocery stores all carry Black Forest Cake, cheesecake and various other concoctions - plus we have a number of coffee shops that offer tortes and such. In fact, I just had a slice of Black forest that they bought for my birthday.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I adore the real fair dinkum Black Forest Cake as made by a German bakery. All others are not very good imitations as fair as I'm concerned.

Akelamalu said...

I'm not a big cake fan but MWM loves it! :)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I think Vienna sounds spectacular! I hear it's just beautiful.

Can you Air Mail me some of the first chocolate cake? Ha. It looks SO GOOD!

Gledwood said...

FW: ah you spotted my deliberate omission!

almost too perfect to knife up. Not that I think that would stop me ...

Vincent: dur of course I know the Schwarzwald's in Bayern, Southern Deutchland. Sachertorte was my deliberate test piece and hey you passed the test!! That's what I say and I'm sticking to it...

Jeannie: black forest gateau was really popular here in the 1980s. You don't see it so much now.

Talking of shop-bought cakes, my biggest disappointment has been Sara Lee. The icing's like foam, the entire thing puffed up so as little substance as possible remains in it. Not good!

Pussinboots: aye, yer not wrong there!!

Akelamalu: MWM?

SB: aye: gimme your address and I shall ~ hahar!!

Gledwood said...

ps why am i thinking of fleeing?
because I hate britain. for its pettiness, 2facedness, absolutely annoyingly inept blind idiotic politicians, rudeness, erosion of civil liberties... etc etc etc

Baino said...

Ha, they're gorgeous, love the dragon. There are cake shops all over Germany, Austria and Switzerland and the Patissieries of France of course . . .take your wallet with you! Clare and I did 'high tea' at the hotel we stayed at in Melbourne recently and couldn't cope with the choice! I think I've put on about 3 kilos in a weekend!

Gledwood said...


I remember seeing a glassified mountain of strawberries atop a pastry in Central France... what I remember equally well was the price ~ as much as a flaky pack of 6 shrivelled English supermarket nearest equivalents...

Liz said...

No wonder you're thinking of emigrating! Did you know that quiche comes from kuchen too? I learned that last week from a codebreaker puzzle book.

Syd said...

You're driving me crazy with these foods. Wow.

Gledwood said...

LIZ: aye ~ yer not wrong!!

SYD: amazing, aren't they!!

Gledwood said...

I'll say it again: yer not wrong, Lizzie!!! ;->...



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood