HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Lovely Cardboard Chips

I REALIZE I'm not using the most attractive vocabulary, but I've found a fish-&-chip shop near me that does the best, slightly greasy crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside (but slightly soggy and rubbery ~ which I really like) with a kind of cheapy cardboard flavour I also adore... British-style chips. So good are these I've been purchasing a portion a day. In Britain, fish and chip shop chips portions are about four times bigger than a McDonald's standard measure of "fries". No wonder I'm not underweight.

Now I hope you Americans realize that by chips I do indeed mean what's ordinarily translated in transatlantic word-lists as "French fries".

French fries in this country usually means spindly long overly crispy chips. Not that nice. Our English chips are thick and full-bodied, as illustrated and actually have more in common with fried potato wedges than the spindly straggly variety of "fries".

I once saw a hilarious documentary about a family of Londoners and one from Brussels in Belgium, so did a week's holiday house swap. The Belgians were advised to try fish and chips from such-&-such chippie. O! The looks on their faces as they tried to shove all that stodge down. They were very polite but said it had left them utterly nauseated. You have to be pretty hardcore to be able to nosh down an entire fillet of cod with such a mountain of yummy soggy chips...

Hmmm... I don't know what else to say. Except the local Morrisons are doing mushy peas (a must-have side-order) for 15p a tin which is joy for a skinflint like me. I get to save all of 40p by not ordering in the shop and heating myself.

Personally I've taken to eating said chips with a side order of Best-in 35p baked beans (best cheapie ones you can get in this country) and ready chopped-up and boiled halal beef frankfurters. Which goes together very well indeed. O and by the way, chicken ones taste more like pork ~ for all you infidels...

And how was your weekend..?


Akelamalu said...

You can't beat fish, chips and mushy peas! Yummy! :)

Puss-in-Boots said...

I loathe greasy food and prefer my chips slightly crispy but dry on the outside and fluffy on the inside. As for mushy peas...they look like puke...and taste very like that, too. Ugh.

Jeannie said...

I absolutely detest the scrawny flour coated fries all the restaurants serve these days. We do British style chips at home a lot. There are a couple of old-style fish & chip shops around. They even serve mushy peas that frankly gross me out - never could eat anything that texture.

Baino said...

Yum, we're the land of fish and chips although the cheapest fish is shark . . .poor things . .aptly renamed 'Flake'. Nothing like real chippies although I feel awful after eating them! (Baked beans are a meal in a can . . .)

Janice said...

I'm an American and I like fish and chips. I love going to the coast and ordering some there, but I like my fries crispy and dry.

I like baked beans I'm not sure what mushie beans are?


Gledwood said...

Janice ~ mushy peas are a bit like marrow fat peas, if you've had them?... but mushier. They go as well with chips as baked beans do but are more "British"; I suppose...

Baino ~ I was offered "Shark" in India. The waiter looked really surprised when I turned my nose up and asked for something else ..!

Jeannie ~ they're not THAT unlike baked beans... trust me..!

Puss-in-Boots ~ I don't like over-crispy chips. And I really can't stand them undercooked and/or too hot (they often come as both when they're rushing to get them out on time). One of the best things about this "fish bar" is that they ALWAYS have enough chips ready to serve, you never have to wait for a new, overheated batch, which is fantastic ;-0>...

Akelamalu ~ I agree, though I always go for chicken instead of fish. I can't handle the stodge-overdose!!

Syd said...

The weekend was great. Thanks for asking! Spent it on the sailboat. Had a great time listening to a reggae band that played on Sunday. Never seen a band at this beach since it is a deserted island reached only by boat. Cool...

Vincent said...

That made me want chips SO bad...

Gledwood said...

Syd: a deserted island reached only by boat?... I would love to go to one of those...

Vincent: really? It's food porn, ya see ;->...

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood