HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Baby Itchy Reprimanded!

痒いハムスターの赤ちゃんを捕まえてきた!

I'VE CAUGHT THE LITTLE SWINE!

Baby Itchy Roborovski is in protective custody and has been severely told off.

She rambles about noncholantly as if nothing happened...

... all the possible eventualities
I had to eventually sit down and consider right through. Thankfully the old pipes hole under the sink has been stopped up by my landlord's workmen in an antimouse move. So I relaxed a bit about her having left the room. The door is a flush-fitting full-on firedoor so no way could she have squeezed under there. The only remaining possibility (considering I had only caught site of her once, about an hour after she first went missing last night) was that she had got down somewhere she could not get back up. Somewhere in my room. There are books piled up besides the cupboard that's crawling alive with wild mice and that's where she was. Cavorting with wild mice if you please! Soon as I pulled the books out I spotted something and saw Itchy was alive! I was seriously starting do doubt this as (well, as I said) utterly no sign of her.

It was over an hour from first sighting tonight and several near-misses to eventual recapture. You must understand you cannot grab at a tiny animal like that - she's no longer than my little finger. (And, incidentally, being the skinniest robo, the one who could least affort to be away from home and food.) I baited a long cardboard tube with birdseed and broccoli, which necessitated sitting right by it else I'd have to move and/or lunge which would panick her out of there. I put another normal-size toilet tube round the side of the books. And totally blocked off the cupboard so she could not get behind or underneath it.... let her ramble towards it. Inside she went. Two seconds later - CAPTURED!

NAUGHTY NAUGHTY LITTLE SWINE!!


***

And my trots seems to have gone away, too!

***

My own haiku of the day:
Baby Itchy -
naughty swine.
Nibbles seeds oblivious.


赤ちゃん痒い-
いたずらな豚です。
かじる種子気づかれます。

(translation courtesy Google translate - and I know the syllables don't go 5-7-5...)

***

PS Couldn't resist passing the Japanese back through Babelfish and got this even more poetic rendition:

The baby it is itchy,
- it is the mischievous pig.
The seed which you gnaw you become aware.


*!!*

***

Extra video of the day I found this last night but wasn't sure how to embedd it.
It's Japanese Sushibar Conveyorbelt Scenes ...


***

STOP PRESS:
I'm opening a new Japanese blog. Full of Japanese things. With language lessons for me and anyone else who wants to learn some Japanese...

http://gledwoodnihon.blogspot.com

20 comments:

lime said...

glad to hear baby itchy is home safe and sound and that your digestive tract has settled. may nto have been food poisoning you know, could have been some short-lived though very nasty bug going around.

Gledwood said...

Very short lived. I was so very ill though.
And thank GOD Itchy came back I was starting to feel I'd lost her forever...

Kahshe Cottager said...

Yay!!! Keeping my fingers crossed must have done the trick! I am glad to know Itchy is safe and sound again in her own little toilet tube!

Re: Blue Jays - they are not particularly shy although they will fly away if you get too close. The males and females are similar in size. There is an information link on my blog if you are still curious about them (click on Blue Jays).

Gledwood said...

OK!
Yes Itchy is safe and sound and IN DISGRACE!
Really, setting up home behind that scummy old cupboard of all places!!!

molson said...

Oh where oh where has my little swine gone? Oh where oh were could she be...

Good thing you learned those swine wrangling skills there Gledwood. Naughty itchy swine indeed.

Gledwood said...

Wriggly swine too. And jumpy. Jumped right over my arm yesterday right when I thought I had her cornered well and good...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds, love the re-interpretation of your haiku...

Oh dear, sounded like a crisis in the Gledwood residence...tut, tut. You're going to have to teach Itchy some standards...wild mice indeed! What will people say???

Gledwood said...

That she's a brazen floozy!

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, I came over earlier and tried leaving a couple of messages for you but blogger must have been down - hurray for little Itchy so pleased those wild mice didn't kidnap her. She must be trying to tell you something - no idea what! But there's always a hidden message in most things.

What a relief (for you) that you are feeling brighter and in less urgent need of the loo. I'd blame the shopping basket handles - someone on the radio happily went into great detail about what we might pick up when do our grocery shopping, off the trolley or basket handle .... ugh!

Those Japanese haiku are brilliant
loved your Baby Itchy and the translation .... oh and the one from the other day about the cuckoo at mr toad's funeral. Might you try one about naughty whalers please *!*

Liz said...

Yay!! Good news. we were all getting worried about baby Itchy.

I have discovered that George, our puppy, loves broccoli. Perhaps he has robo genes.

I couldn't get on here yesterday to comment.

Liz said...

I love the Babel translation too!

Hope your belly is better properly.

The prison chaplain was telling me about a visitor who tried to smuggle in a mobile phone to an inmate. Guess where he hid it?

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Glad you finally caught him!

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: thank God the trots has gone I know it was most inconvenient not being able to leave the house..!

Liz: I bet that phone stank afterwards ooer! I'm feeling much better thanks... I used to have a cat who ate broccoli, growling as she went. Great trick to throw when we had posh visitors haha!

Vi Vi: yeah 24 hours later! Having squeaked with the wild mice all that time!!

lostgirl said...

Hi Gleds
Sorry its been a few days. I love all the antics of your precious babies! I am away for the weekend, but will be sure to check in for the next instalment of the hammies on my return. Hope Evilstein keeps away!

cheerio
lostgirl x

Anonymous said...

Awwwww, she had a little adventure...everyone needs one here and there. Glad that she is back!

-Eileen

Gledwood said...

Lost: have a good time!!

Eileen: Bloody Itchy living with the wild mice! I don't believe it!!... do you mind my asking where you are from? o, ps you know you can make it say your name at the top of your comments (if you like) by clicking other instead of anonymous then putting your name in but leaving the url space blank...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, thank goodness you found her!

Gledwood said...

;->...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood