HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Misery Memoirs Pens Chinese Takeaway Recipes Aggressive Mice Breathalyser

I FAILED ANOTHER BREATHALYSER TEST THIS AFTERNOON. 0.65 when it ought to have been 0.5 or lower... I really don't get what's the point at 4pm being breathtested if I'm only going to fail it... of course I retook the test at 5pm and passed at only 0.35 though I had to go an entire hour bored and without cyder...

RODENT NEWS: Robos hiding in a corner (under cardboard lid)... Mice turfed out. These evil housemice now appear to be staging mousey jousting contests or duels at dawn UNDER MY BED. Complete with dying-squeaks sound effects. Very annoying creatures that they are. Also they peed all over my other jacket and it stank of mouse-piss so Mother Hubbs chucked it in her wash for me. How gross. It is like living in a barn in my house, honestly...

NOW ON TO CHINESE TAKEAWAY CURRY SAUCE. This is an English staple. Curry you must bear in mind, and I'm not being facetious here, is, after roast beef Yorkshire pudding, seasonable veg and gravy our national dish so the differences between different curries mean a lot here. Chinese curry is pretty low in chili or totally devoid. It has lots of turmeric and an oniony flavour. It adds a lot of savour to the plain chicken - onions - mushrooms (often but not always) - and peas stirfry upon which it is poured. Never in my life have I seen the sauce or a powder for it advertised or sold ... and I Googled for a recipe a couple of nights ago... without TOO much success... Nobody seemed to have a definitive version. Yes I could ask the local Chinese but they tend to be notoriously evasive when asked for cooking techniques or recipes. Surely someone has written an book giving away the secrets of British Chinese takeaway food (they have the knack of making it almost identical between diverse businesses the absolute length and bredth of this country. The menu is almost invariable as well... To be frank, I think most British Chinese takeaway food tastes of MSG+cardboard but the spicy dishes "curry" "blackbeansauce" and "satay" are the three I like... Chinese curry might be unknown in China (as Nicole subtly pointed out...) but it's surely an international takeaway phenomenon. I know this because my Teach Yourself Japanese has facsimile of a Japanese Chinese takeaway menu in Kanji and Kana and that has Chicken Curry Egg Fly Lice too!

I have had wonderful Japanese curry a couple of times at a Japanese restaurant in Soho called Zipangu.

I KNOW THE NAME FOR THE GENRE IN WHICH I'M WRITING (and spending a fortune on "wet ink roller balls/gel ink pens" etc in WH Smiths and Sainsbury's (Sainsbury's do exactly the same pen as WH Smith's own for £1.29 except Sainsbury's do THREE to a pack while stingy old WHSmiths only pack in ONE!!... yes, my writing is called a MISERY MEMOIR!! How evocative!! Well I'm trying to bust the genre by not being too selfpitying (real selfpity isn't something I'm that good at. Selfloathing - o yes! Genuine, heartfelt pity for myself, the way I might pity some crippled orphan from a Rwandan warzone - I only recall having that emotion just the once, and have never experienced it since...) Misery Memoirs are supposedly thee vogue of today which has really buoyed up my spirits.... I'm just hoping this "trendiness" will result in a seven-figure hard-soft deal with rights sold to America, Japan, Germany/everywhere else that's important... wahey!! Because I need a triplex atop Ontario Tower (or somewhere similar) ... just as long as there's room service from a linked-in five-star hotel, swimming pool in same building and sparkly views of London's glamorous diamondlike midnight skyline... Or, on the other hand if I could only get some PROPER place of my OWN where I can slam my door and NOBODY has ANY right to intrude without 48 hours' notice at least and where I can OWN A COMPUTER and have broadband and satellite TV etc etc and the things normal people have when they're doing OK. That's what I REALLY want... and to think the only way I can get any of this is by prostituting my lifestory... what is this world coming to ~??!?!?!?

Video of the Day: Owen and Mzee - Hippo and Tortoise Friends for Life...

Giant Bedbug Found Near Portuguese Beach... have a clickonthis someone please and tell me what on earth this revolting critter IS...

Visitor's Pictures of London "The Big Smoke" (as it used to be called about 2 generations ago before compulsory smokeless fuel was introduced to abolish London's "pea souper" megasmogs...

***

Beautiful German Alpine mountain trekking shots...
... on
http://juergenmaier.blogspot.com ...

***

Emigration blogs...
... to Germany ~ http://susa-back-in-germany.blogspot.com
... from Amsterdam to Adelaide, Aus ... ~ http://nicolemobile.blogspot.com ... usw...


***

Amazing Nepali countryside shots... http://nepaliakash.blogspot.com

***

Entertaining trip to the zoo:

http://lmclennan.blogspot.com/2007/11/lao-zoo.html

34 comments:

zen wizard said...

I used to get Curry Something at a Chinese restaurant in Atlanta and as I recall--and bear in mind I can't even remember what the curry was on--it was sort of pleasantly kind of sweet, and not the "knock you out of your chair"-effect that Chicken Vindaloo or some of the Indian curries have.

Gledwood said...

Yeah that sounds about right... THAT is the kinda recipe I want

Liz said...

http://www.wingyipstore.co.uk/product-092965.html

go here and see! they have original Chinese curry sauce concentrate.

Liz said...

And you can get Bisto chip shop curry sauce granules. Which are probably different.

Bimbimbie said...

ugh to that giant crustacian thingy .. wouldn't be surprised to see it served up as an expensive shellfish platter somewhere posh *!*

So get those roller pens moving on your Misery Memoir your time is now!

Bimbimbie said...

blogger just did it to me again!!!!!

ugh to that crustacian looking thingy but I wouldn't be at all surprised to see it served up on a seafood platter somewhere posh *!*

..... keep those roller ball pens moving across your Misery Memoir pages, your time to shine is upon you!

Bimbimbie said...

....bugger blogger again *!*

Gledwood said...

Liz: hang on let me have a look.. andt

Bimbimbie: o that bloody blogger!

O that bloody blogger!! ;->...

That huge bedbug thing looks absolutely gross what on EARTH is it? It looks like a woodlouse crossed with a turtle... does ANYONE KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS.......

zen wizard said...

Well, here is a recipie for Chicken Vindaloo--

Maybe Chinese aren't as forthcoming because they are still mad about the Opium Wars?

I think you can just about stop any Indian dude on the street and ask him for a recipie for Chicken Vindaloo, and if he's not in too much of a hurry he will just give it to you--it's, as we academics say, a "lower context culture."

I had Jerk Kalamari Burritos in Montego Bay and that is about the most exotic thing I have ever had with curry powder in it...

Gledwood said...

Kerk Jalimani Bhurritos? That SOUNDS well exotic too... you're right about stopping any Indian on the street they might well give you the recipe. Chinese would just look at you like you were insane.

sam said...

thanks. but i'm a london resident, not a visitor.

gledwood said...

o sorry!
i thought i picked up from your tone that you were just visiting... ho-hum!!

molson said...

In the States, the national meal is potato chips and beer... and don't mess it up with anything green unless it's green beer on St. Patricks Day. If you're lucky you might get a hotdog too.

If I recall correctly, the national dish in Canada is cheese fries with a side of beer. Now that's good eats and it thickens the blood too.

Sounds like you need to do something about the living arrangements there Gledwood. Might I suggest a remodel with a can of gasoline and a match. Well that is if you have enough money to buy a can of gasoline. At least it gives you incentive to write. Look out Ontario Tower, Gledwood is moving on up.

How was your mountainous cheese sandwich? Did it come with a summit register?

zen wizard said...

Maybe Congress should not ban waterboarding interrogation by the CIA until we can get the recipe for Chinese Curry Prawns out of a Chinese guy.

(We'll make him eat the first prawn just to make sure the Chinese guy is telling the truth--I already thought of that...)

DJ Kirkby said...

I am allergic to curry, it makes me faint..no really it does! Never tired a Chinese curry but don't think I'll try my luck. I hav eno idea what that bug is but do you think it was responsible for that bitten toe at the bottom of that post?

Deb said...

I love curry of any kind. I buy it in powder, paste - whatever. We get these little "cubes" of it that are handy (I freeze them), but I guess it's Indian curry.

Blackbean's good too...but I agree about the MSG/cardboard reference.

Deb said...

Off track here...but Gled, do you have a camera? I was reading your last post and I can really picture you (pardon the pun) getting into photography and "capturing" things for your blog.

Just curious.

Deb said...

and last question...is that new picture you holding your furry friend? Or is it one from the internet?

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds, I can't eat satay...peanut allergy, I love Chinese food (without nuts) but my all time favourite food is Italian. Oh joy!

As for your memoirs, regardless of what genre is hung on the book, if it inspires someone...that's the most important thing. So...keep writing and don't get discouraged. I, for one, want to read your book and I bet a few other bloggers do, too.

Take care

lostgirl said...

Hi Gleds

May I ask why you have a breathaliser? Are you trying to kick booze too? Do keep writing your memoir as it will be fascinating. Keep your eyes fixed on your goal: a better life. I am confident you will get there if you keep trying.

all the best
x

Gledwood said...

Molson:... hang on I thought the American national dish was a Big Mac..??

Zen Wizzard: yeah they should definitely suffocate some Chinese takeaway person to get ALL the recipes outta them! Do you know it wasn't until my 22nd year that I finally twigged that (British - I can't vouch for any other countries) Chinese takeaway is based on 4 meats (ie chicken, beef, pork, prawns - sometimes duck as the 5th) in about 20 recipes with about 4 different sauces potentially poured over them hence the famous "number 53 with 26 and 57A please" ordering system. I always order with words and watch closely as they scribble out the traditional (not vulgar Maoist simplified mainland version) Cantonese characters out...

Kirkby: Lots of people are allergic to curry. But usually it gives them rampant quacking farts followed by gushing pantfilling diarrhoea!

Gledwood said...

Debs: 1st things 1st no it's just an internet photo. My hands aren't that red. Partially because I've hammered the veins in them so they're sleek and pale... like a vampire's hands. Or a James Bond's baddie's butler's hands...
As for the camera thing I've thought of that alot. I actually have a digital camera but it needs a charger that Jessops the local camera shop insist will cost me about $100 US which is REALLY taking the peepee

Pussinboots: I just hope it sells enough to get me high definition telly, satellite dishes, a proper home and money to travel and shut the blaring ugly cancered old world out

Lostgirl: The breathalyser is IN the drugs clinic and they use it just to be pissy and take advantage of people's weakenesses and to be jobsworthy. Know what I mean. It has nothing to do with driving or the po-lice...

lostgirl said...

Hi Gleds

I just re read my question to you and it came out a bit wrong. I really didn't think you'd be drunk in charge of a car or playing up the police. Sorry as I am not here to challenge you or make you justify yourself. Are your baby hamsters being good today? Its a lovely sunny day where I am but guess what I feel crappy! Hope you are doing ok.

byee

gledwood said...

No I'm fine don't worry... I know you didn't think it was to do with driving I thought you thought I had one at home it is the clinic who have one. I would be fascinated to know how accurate it was though!!!

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmm, I love blackbean sauce. A couple of weeks ago I made roast chicken and basted it with blackbean sauce and stuffed the bird with orange....very tasty indeed. I just completely zoned out at my desk here at work and had a quick day dream about blackbean.

Keep the writing up and I will cross my fingers that you finally get your chance to move on up, ya know....finally get a peice of the pie, like the Jeffersons did. Did you get the Jefferson's over there? I am completely procrastinating on your blog because I don't want to work ;)

-Eileen

zen wizard said...

That reminds me of a joke:

A Chinese guy jumps in bed and says to his wife, "I wanna 69!"

The wife says, "Why do you want Beef & Broccoli now?"

(Buh duh bump...tish!)

Gledwood said...

Eileen: Did you like my London advice? Was it useful?
... I'm glad my blog is worth of your time/anyone's time...
... Jeffersons?
No idea though!!!

Zenwizzard!: Wah wah I like!

Nepali Akash said...

Hi Gledwood,
Thanks for posting my link.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, I see what you meant about the curry sauce comment at mine now. I've never come across abook about Chinese takeaway food but someone who worked in one did once tell me they put lime marmalade in. I'm sure that's a great help! Glad you've got a genre - you must have a genre....

Gledwood said...

Nepali: that's no prob...

Welshcakes: marmelade... no that would NOT make proper Chinese curry at ALL..!

You gotta make it quite oniony and farily sweet and that is about the long and the short of it and that is about ALL!!!

zennist said...

Prostituting your life story? People have been doing it for hundreds of years.

Yorkshire pudding...yum!

Gledwood said...

Bom dia a você meu amigo falando Português! Sua página surgiu muito aleatoriamente na internet e pensei que gostaria de dizer olá! Eu faço um blog também! Http://gledwood2.blogspot.com é o lugar para ser! Lá você pode ler a minha linha diário secreto diários e mais íntimos confessionals! Divirta - se! Todos os muito melhor para você! De Gledwood "Vol. 2" ;->...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood