HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Wet Wee-Wees Political Bedroom

NOT MY BEDROOM, YOU UNDERSTAND; but my robos'. No sooner had I thrown out their ukkie old Maltesers tube "bed" thenthey sitched to two tubes slotted into one: the next best thing for privacy and dark. These were clean yesterday: I checked. I pick up Itchy tonight and she stinks of hasmter urine. Their new bedrooms was so wet with it, literally it was sopping soft underneath. I don't know what they had been doing... (well, weeing: but how much..??) All very ukkie indeed. So I've made them a luxury treble-tube bathroom - oops! Freudian slip! - I meant bedroom with popout head-holes cut at intervals along the top. They look so funny when they use them. These doulbe as viewing windows for me. It gets awfully boring when they've stashed themselves away for the day to sleep (and they usually sem to sleep on all fours, which looks mighty uncomfortable), nibble at seeds and dry tomato bread or nit-pick the life out of poor Baby Itchy's coat. Sometimes she's so wet from these attentions that she looks like she's fresh out of the bath..!

I WAS THINKING OF GOING FOR A JOB AS A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT. Liz reinforced the idea with a comment last night. There's something about the romance of the Palace of Westminster that's hard to explain but totally intoxicating. I think it's because most of the BBC's news and current affairs journalists are similarly intoxicated; the magic has rubbed off on me.

British politics are nowhere near as boring as their foreign counterparts. Not for us dullard egalitarian ampitheatre-shaped "assembleys". No. Tiny room. Two steep sides. Opponents face to furious face, full on shouting match commences! Excellent stuff!

My biggest problem (after first cleaning up this heroin habit) would be selecting which party to join. In this country we have a main choice of two. Or three if you really believe the Liberal Democrats form a feasable political party. I find many of the Lib Dem's policies objectionable, not least their proposal for a 50% top rate tax. Imagine when my memoirs have passed the ten million sales mark! I'm not giving away 15-20% in agent's fees plus 17.5% "value added" tax (the so-called sales tax is charged on artists including writers of books, though the books themselves are zero-rated at the till)... then after all that shelling out 50% of what's left! No thankyou! Thankfully the Lib Dems shall never get in power!

So we're down to Labour and Conservative. I could be rightwing Labour or a lefty Tory. To be honest, because I wouldn't be willing to represent a constituency outside London I'd have to go Labour, because outside Kensington and Chelsea I don't think the Conservatives have any urban seats the length and breadth of Britain. No! Only Essexy suburbanites and turnip farmers and grouse-shooting Range Rover drivers from £2 million Gloucestershire farmhouses vote for them. Now that the formerly Commie Labour party have gone all middle of the road we can all be champagne socialists without shelling out punitive taxes or leaving the country - how very civilized. My big truck with "New" Labour is their gradual, constant, determined erosion of civil liberties. Like they have no respect for individual rights. They even passed a law about "no protests within a mile radius of Parliament" just to get rid of a single loan man covered in badges and his cardboard-box of an anti-Iraq war stand!

Hmmm, well that's my political debate done and dusted for the night. If you were wondering what my reservations were about Tories, by the way; it's that they're all bastards*.

*The only Tories I like are Ann Widdecombe and Michael Portillo
My 2 favourite Labour MPs are Clare Short and Tony Benn (though "Lord" Benn has now retired).

Righty-ho! Got to go! Till tomorrow!

Video of the Day 1:
Jennifer Saunders as Vivienne Vyle - Chatshow Queen also starring Miranda Richardson.
Video 2:
Japanese Cat and Hamster


Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...


*fingers in ears*


I don't do politics.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Those hammies are keeping you busy providing homes and bedrooms and toilets for them. Sounds as though they need lots of rolls.
Thanks for your comments. I
know some people clean up before the cleaning lady, but I am not one of them. Take care, Regards, Merle.

Deb said...

Too bad I can't get these plastic "rolls" I have - they're the "spindles" for the lottery ticket paper and they'd be perfect for your furry friends.

No protesting within a mile....? What about the people's "right" to protest? This just sends the clear message that the Gov't. isn't interested in listening to what people have to say if they can't do it where it's most effective.

Deb said...

I meant get the plastic rolls "to you"...so tired, I'm going off track (again).

Anonymous said...

That cat and rat thing - love it!

Gledwood said...

VI VI: OK I don't blame you

MERLE: Yes they are very naughty swines, weeing all over their bed (why?!?!?)

DEBS: "New" Labour, as I kind of implied have naively stamped all over our civil liberties in the name of antiterror... if the people are suffering more than the terrorists, though, WHO HAS WON?

ANON: Yes it's a real clip, from all I can discern...

Liz said...

I think you should stand for parliament, Gleds. I was in London for the big fireworks show and parade and people are so much happier when fun things are going on there's no time to be going to war. So I think you could come up with lots of good ideas to make peopel happy.

CrystalChick said...

Hello again... I was out of the blogosphere for a bit.. back now and trying to catch up.

Let's see... from assorted posts:
I'm not so into politics anymore... too crazy.
We've got 2 dogs/1 cat... so lots to clean up after daily. Ah, but they are so darling it's not so bad. Oh no, wait, my Greta cat... reGreta as I call her, is a bitch but she's here to stay so I deal with her and still give her many good treats. Someday she'll warm to me.
The Festival of Lights sounds wonderful. I would LOVE the Divali celebration one. We have fireworks here... you know, for the 4th of July and assorted sports events, etc. but I don't go out of my way to see any.
We're trying to get out of debt too and hope to start purchasing cash items at some point... better that way really.
OH NO... Diana calling out at the crash site.. too much to think about. I really liked her alot.
Your jewelry and card blog mentions were cool... love all that creative stuff!
The train I couldn't take because I have issues with motion, but I was always fascinated with the Orient Express.. especially the movie Murder On....
Morrocco I think would be very interesting as an aquantance of mine recently recounted a honeymoon trip she took there.
With all the gazillion books I have, you'de think Dr. Zhivago would be one but it's not, never read it. Glad you are enjoying it tho.
The shepherd's pie recipe looked interesting... not too into Rachael Ray but hubby loves her and he did just ask for beef stew with mashed taters on top, so I suppose this is similar enough to give a try.
That Doberman is a hero dog for sure!
The colorful seafront houses in Italy were .. WOW... would love to travel to the Amalfi coast and other spots someday.
Your house has some interesting comings and goings.
I love many classical pieces, including the Shostakovich waltz and Eyes Wide Shut.. interesting movie.
I really liked the photos from the indian backpacker, I'll have to add that to my bloglist.
Thanks for stopping by my page.. I'll be posting new stuff again soon.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood