NOT MY BEDROOM, YOU UNDERSTAND; but my robos'. No sooner had I thrown out their ukkie old Maltesers tube "bed" thenthey sitched to two tubes slotted into one: the next best thing for privacy and dark. These were clean yesterday: I checked. I pick up Itchy tonight and she stinks of hasmter urine. Their new bedrooms was so wet with it, literally it was sopping soft underneath. I don't know what they had been doing... (well, weeing: but how much..??) All very ukkie indeed. So I've made them a luxury treble-tube bathroom - oops! Freudian slip! - I meant bedroom with popout head-holes cut at intervals along the top. They look so funny when they use them. These doulbe as viewing windows for me. It gets awfully boring when they've stashed themselves away for the day to sleep (and they usually sem to sleep on all fours, which looks mighty uncomfortable), nibble at seeds and dry tomato bread or nit-pick the life out of poor Baby Itchy's coat. Sometimes she's so wet from these attentions that she looks like she's fresh out of the bath..!
I WAS THINKING OF GOING FOR A JOB AS A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT. Liz reinforced the idea with a comment last night. There's something about the romance of the Palace of Westminster that's hard to explain but totally intoxicating. I think it's because most of the BBC's news and current affairs journalists are similarly intoxicated; the magic has rubbed off on me.
British politics are nowhere near as boring as their foreign counterparts. Not for us dullard egalitarian ampitheatre-shaped "assembleys". No. Tiny room. Two steep sides. Opponents face to furious face, full on shouting match commences! Excellent stuff!
My biggest problem (after first cleaning up this heroin habit) would be selecting which party to join. In this country we have a main choice of two. Or three if you really believe the Liberal Democrats form a feasable political party. I find many of the Lib Dem's policies objectionable, not least their proposal for a 50% top rate tax. Imagine when my memoirs have passed the ten million sales mark! I'm not giving away 15-20% in agent's fees plus 17.5% "value added" tax (the so-called sales tax is charged on artists including writers of books, though the books themselves are zero-rated at the till)... then after all that shelling out 50% of what's left! No thankyou! Thankfully the Lib Dems shall never get in power!
So we're down to Labour and Conservative. I could be rightwing Labour or a lefty Tory. To be honest, because I wouldn't be willing to represent a constituency outside London I'd have to go Labour, because outside Kensington and Chelsea I don't think the Conservatives have any urban seats the length and breadth of Britain. No! Only Essexy suburbanites and turnip farmers and grouse-shooting Range Rover drivers from £2 million Gloucestershire farmhouses vote for them. Now that the formerly Commie Labour party have gone all middle of the road we can all be champagne socialists without shelling out punitive taxes or leaving the country - how very civilized. My big truck with "New" Labour is their gradual, constant, determined erosion of civil liberties. Like they have no respect for individual rights. They even passed a law about "no protests within a mile radius of Parliament" just to get rid of a single loan man covered in badges and his cardboard-box of an anti-Iraq war stand!
Hmmm, well that's my political debate done and dusted for the night. If you were wondering what my reservations were about Tories, by the way; it's that they're all bastards*.
*The only Tories I like are Ann Widdecombe and Michael Portillo
My 2 favourite Labour MPs are Clare Short and Tony Benn (though "Lord" Benn has now retired).
Righty-ho! Got to go! Till tomorrow!
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Jennifer Saunders as Vivienne Vyle - Chatshow Queen also starring Miranda Richardson.
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