HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Chistmas Came Already..!

CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY THIS YEAR! Hurrah! I have not one but two Queens' speeches for your turkey stuffin' wine-drenched argument-over-the-cranberry-saucey entertainment.

First there's the Proper Queen. Queen Elizabeth II's Xmas Message to Great Britain and the Commonwealth as watched by us limeys/poms as you call us at 3pm sharp, Xmas Day...

Second: the Queen of Wales's Speech. If you don't know that much about her, do tune in for all she can speak about is "me me me" (aren't actresses boring! To think: they're meant to spend their lives playing other people: and yet all they ever show any interest in outside that is their own over-tubby egos!)

I don't have much by way of further informations or anything so I'll leave it for now... enjoy!

***

Great train news for Londoners:
Deutsche Bahn (the German trains co) is applying to run trains through the Channel Tunnel direct from London to Cologne ... (Berlin, please!)
Click for link 1
Click for link 2...

***

Recipe Blog of the Day:
New House, New Kitchen, New Creations http://newhousenewkitchen.blogspot.com
Includes a shepherd's pie (cottage pie if you wanna be technical about it) recipe from America!

***

Royal Protocol for Canadians

***

Heartwarming news story of the day...
(Cairns, Queensland, Australia):
A doberman dog, newly acquired from an animal rescue centre only 4 days previously was in the garden with a 17 month old little girl. A king brown snake (3rd most venomous in the entire world) was slithering towards the infant. The dog obviously saw this and tried nudging the girl. Being under 2 years of age though, of course she was oblivious. When she failed to respond the dog grabbed the girl by the back of the nappy ("diaper") and threw her right over his shoulder and took the serpent's deadly strike himself.

Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine the dog was saved by antivenom.

The little girl's mother, who had witnessed this all from the house said "if I hadn't seen all this with my own eyes I'd never have believed it"!


Click here for the newslink.
Click here for newslink II plus cute picture of the little girl + dog...

Other news from Australia:
Burglar Possum Destroys Museum Exhibits.

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Gurgling green Halloween baby!

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Here are some of the most entertaining cat pictures I have ever seen in my life!

30 comments:

Bimbimbie said...

I Love Dawn French, she's very funny I can never keep a straight face - did you see her Parkinson interview some time ago, where she got to snog George Clooney twice I think ..... the hussy *!*

... your right Queen Liz is beamed over to us - I'm trying to think what time we see her afternoon or evening or if she's on twice?

I hear the push is on yet again to ban Christmas and call it Winterfest or something stupid!

Gledwood said...

Sometimes they call it Saturnalia... but isn't Saturn the dark planet signifying everything dark and full of chaos and the "Setian" current of "goetic" sinistery...?

Anonymous said...

Re: Royal Protocol for Canadians

"Members of the Royal Family like to eat the food and drink of the country/region visited."

I hope she appreciates donuts and double doubles from Tim Horton's - eh (Canadian coffee chain opened my a former NHL hockey great)

-Eileen

Gledwood said...

Actually, I'd heard that before ANY state visit from ANY country a full list of likes/dislikes is circulated to the host country to ensure nothing unpalatable is served up at any state banquet!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. I can't even fathom that type of treatment. Well, I am sure that hosting a dinner party for the Queen of England isn't something that I'll ever have to sweat about.....

Have yourself a good weekend type thing....

Eileen

Gledwood said...

cheers dears! have a great weekend yourself

no it's not people being fussy; it's more like e.g. for the king of arabia all food must be halal... and so on

;->...

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hey Gleds,
Wow, I love the doberman story. So heroic. I hope that earned him a place in the family will - - or at least a place at the head of the table.

Btw, I have passed on your deed to the Cypriots. They are very grateful that they are no longer thought of as peasants. They will smother you with delicious olives and watermelon - - or at least will send you a proper stopper for your bathtub. ;D

Take care. Happy weekend.

Gledwood said...

Thanks I could still do with a proper "stopper"!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Haha! Thanks, Gleds - that's made my evening.

Gata Verde said...

Hello!
Thank's for your visit.

Nice weekend

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds

Re: the Gold Coast...yep, it's about 45 mins drive from my place. Horrible glitzy place that it is. So many high rises that the sun goes off the beach at 2 pm.

As for the dog and snake...wonderful story and thanks to quick action, that brave pooch was saved, too. I had a brown visit last year...I nearly choked on my wine (can't have that now, can we?)

Have a good weekend, Gleds.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

PLEASE dont mention Xmas already!

Talk about putting someone on a downer! lol!

WAT said...

Joan, oh sweet Joan. Always playing those rich manipulative bitches!

The Queen bores me to tears! GOD SAVE HER THOUGH OF COURSE!

French & Saunders are terrific. Who knew Catherine Zeta-Jones was the Queen of Wales? AAHAHA! Yeah, good one.

Linda said...

Thanks for the recognition (and correction!). I'll be sure to call it cottage pie from now on. Must be true to my English roots!

lime said...

wow, that bit about the doberman is really incredible! glad they were able to save a doggie that was so faitful to protect the baby,.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Great post as usual and I loved the Doberman saving the baby, and only 4 days after they got it. Glad it was also saved. I heard it on the news, but seeing it written made it more real. I really lol at the Marmite, and Vegemite taste. We get both here, but as you say you have to have it as a child for some reason. It is great on toast.Thanks for your messages, and Halloween is not really celebrated in Australia, though there are signs about and if the shops can make money they will promote it.
In the past, I used to love to take my kids to see big bonfires on Nov.5th and then fireworks after.
Not any more, because the Summer fire risk is too great, so we have neither. Take care, Regards, Merle.

Janice said...

Hi Glen,

That was amazing about the dog the two year and the snake.

I bet the mom was real glad she adopted that dog.

Janice~

Bimbimbie said...

....bet that possum was just looking for a little bit of apple *!*

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds
Great post
and yes this story was on our news and made the daily papers.
the Doberman saving the baby, and only 4 days after they got it. pleased it was also saved, after doing such a heroic act.

Liz said...

Oh, that reminds me: I must write the story of Gelert, another brave hound.

Marmite thinly spread on toast is good.

Arjan said...

Our Queen's christmas speeches are always boring, so I stopped watching them.

@ Train: to Berlin and beyond, helping you hope for it :P

aaaw kittens in bowls.

Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

Hi Gleds

Thanks for the Royal Protocol for Canadians. Don`t think I`ll ever use it but ya never know :) What a fantastic news story about the dog saving the little girl!

tea
xo

gledwood said...

Liz: OOO the story of Gelert "Beddgelert" that is a beautiful Welsh tale... I know it well... "Beddgelert"=Gelert's grave but I'll let Liz tell the story....

Everyone else I'll answer you later but I've got a McDonald's Double Cheese getting cold...

whitenoise said...

-Sitting in a noisy airport terminal building (as a passenger), so I can't quite make out the video- I'll have to listen later...

Regarding the queen... I love history, and I suppose she's great for British tourism, but it's really time that independant countries like Canada cut the apron strings. All that nobility/born into higher status stuff just doesn't wash over here in meritocracy of the new world.

Gledwood said...

Welshcakes: ;->...

Gata Verde: ;->...

PussInBoots: o! i thought it would probably be terrible if it was named after gold and not in Ghana...

ViViVoom: sorry darling but Xmas is coming! The geese are getting fat. Please put at least £20 in the old man's hat...

Gledwood said...

Wat: I've never seen Joan Collins play any other part anything like as well... I used to have a friend of a friend (F) who moved in fairly glamorous circles... long story short she opened door to Joan Collins at party. Ms Collins looked her severely up and down, briskly strode past her in search of someone more important to talk to!

Linda: I can 4give you: you're American. How would you know... as I said Shepherd's pie is English Hospital Food par excellence... I don't think I had ever heard of Americans eating it before.... have you ever tried apple/apple & blackberry/applie & blueberry crumble...? Has to be done...

Lime: I know amazing wasn't it

Merle: you're lucky I have to say I think Halloween is a satanic waste of space!

Gledwood said...

Janice: surely musta bin!

Bimbimbie: An apple plus an antique vase or ten!!

Jeanette: I don't think I'd have believed that if I was the mother unless I'd seen it with my own eyes too...

Liz: yes please tell us Gelert's story.. sorry I posted up already that you definitely will.. (ooer)

Gledwood said...

Arjan: Hang on where are you from? (I can't leave the comments to find out...)

Tea&Margaritas: Royal Protocol... I know it seems pretty outdated to us... dunno how it must feel to yous lot... + what do the canadiens francophones think of her majesty? "orf with her head"! I should expect..!

Whitenoise: you're right really she is just for tourism and ceremonial.. but I tell you this if anything dire happened to this country people would turn to the Queen more than anyone else to lead us thru...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood