HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

What's So Good About London? Nicole Has Moved...

TWO BIG SHOES. NO BIG NEWS.
Just haddan attack ofthe rhymies there...
Well I've been pretty much in hibernation all day
and not doing very much. I had to go up the road into "town" (meaning the local main shops, not the fabulous West End - I moved to London somehow imagining I would spend half my time there and of course, a decade down the line, I don't in fact in recent years I've gone literally a year at a time without ever venturing foot in Central London... at moments like this (that is, when I really think about it) I tell myself I really should do as it's only £1.80 return by bus and the right bus goes practically past my door. The sights of London Town are amazing. Perhaps Paris is more prettily laid out but the best bits of London give Paris a run for their money any day. I speak from direct experience here, having mooched around Paris on foot for a week, then travelled direct to London where I got the chance to do the same here for a day. Both cities were unfamiliar to me. Although I'd been to London zillions of times I was always with my parents and very little. It wasn't till I was in my late teens that I really got the chance for a proper look round... The best parts of London, for a chill-out Sunday morning walkabout would be the area from Buckingham Palace, down the Mall to the Houses of Parliament where St James's Park is very near; then you can trot up Whitehall to Trafalgar Square... the sites here, like Big Ben and everything are pure touristville and might bring patriotic tears to my eyes when I'm drunk... but seriously the premier parts of this town are good and I hardly ever get to see them!
What has put me in this frame of mind? Friend and Fellow blogger Nicole and partner Vincent have moved from Amsterdam to Adelaide in southern Australia. She posted up some really good photos so click her name for a look at them...
Righty ho I'd better be going after that blather this was only meant to be a short post. I got Chinese chicken curry egg fly lice last night and so have to buy the pasta I was blithering on about then now...
Does anyone happen to know where I can get proper Chinese style curry powder? Or curry sauce in jars? Or does anyone know a recipe? When I briefly looked into this yesterday, everything I read I had to take with a massive pinch of salt (or MSG!! haha!) One recipe for Chinese Takeaway Style Curry Sauce actually said use garam masala or shop-bought Indian currypowder which made me wanna shout and headbut the screen Chinese curry is NOTHING like that!! Why would you specify CHINESE curry if you were willing to make it with an Indian spicemix? Duh!
O I really am blathering now have to go I'm still not feeling to hot. And what's more I'm hungry. Remember Parmezan cheese.... righto....

PS I know this was a really boring post I'm sorry. I have to go and do this pasta and scribble more of my memoirs now as otherwise life shall be defeating me...

PPS What am I saying?!? I'm sorry that post is so witty and engaging... o i feel tired out i'm not my normal self ***POO!***

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How to draw swirls on Adobe thing program. Clickonthis: http://graphics-illustrations.blogspot.com

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Video of the Day
Vivienne Vyle Episode 2 (click here for all 4 sections of episode 2)


Video II
Cross-species Adoption: Mothers of the Year
Tortoise adopts baby hippo; tigress adopts baby swines etc

19 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Liz said...

You don't sound yourself either! There must be Chinese grocers in London where you can get curry powder. Or Asian grocers. Wait, I remember I once bought a tub of takeaway curry sauce powder (like gravy granules) in Sainsburys. I don't think my sons liked it very much though.

Bimbimbie said...

arrrghhhhhh bugger blogger, it's just rejected my longish comment *!*

Bimbimbie said...

ok .... I'll try again

loved the video of the surrogate mum's brought a lump to my throat. Earlier today I saw a Koala, first one in years in my area. Sadly for it and me it was dead - hit by a car trying to cross the road either to find a mate or a new supply of food:(

The UK Muslim story reached my radio midday Monday and had me yelling aka Victor Meldrom after I heard the bloke say they likened the situation to the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany pre WW2!

Nicole said...

I have never actually heard of a "Chinese" curry. But I do often add Chinese Five Spice Powder to a lot of the Chinese stir-fries that I make. There is a very good blog that I read from a lady in the United States who is a trained chef I believe and she focuses on Asian food a lot. She always writes about very interesting things regarding food and cooking and has posted some great recipes too:

www.tigersandstrawberries.com

If you scroll down a bit you'll find the most delicious looking mushroom curry. And on the right in "Categories" you can click on Chinese Recipes and you're sure to find some fantastic things.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ London has some wonderful things for tourists to see. I get to see them on TV especially when there is a royal wedding. I do hope you are feeling better next time you post, as you didn't sound like yourself at all. Glad to hear you are writing though,
Keep up the good work and Take care of yourself. Best Wishes, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Liz: I have a huge pack of Jamaican curry powder... it has a different smell to Indian and is more similar to Chinese. Full of lovely MSG as well... There IS a Chinese stall at the local market so I will ask and have a good look. I don't think their curry powder usually even has chili in it, but it gives massive savour...

Bimbimbie: bloody blogger

Bimbimbie: yes I heard the "Jews in Nazi Germany" quote too and it fair made me hit the roof too

Nicole: what I'm talking about is British-style Chinese takeaway curry sauce. When you ask for "chicken curry egg fry rice" they stir-fry chicken peas onions mushrooms, tip curry sauce over afterwards...

I can't vouch for the FLAVOUR of Chinese curry sauce internationally but it's even done in Japan (I know this as my "teach yourself Japanese book" has a Japanese Chinese takeaway menu inside it... also I once had a Japanese curry in a Japanese restaurant it was very similar to the Chinese version...

Gledwood said...

Merle: why did I cut you off like that??? I thought there were about 2 other people apart from you o well... London! Yes - beautiful stately buildings and parks!
I hope I'm back to myself by this evening. Wasn't feeling too hot b4...

Anonymous said...

I am travelling to England in April 2007 for my BF's Father's b-day. They live on the South Coast? We will also be going to visit his old friends in and around London. Any other must see sites that you can recommend?

-Eileen

RUTH said...

I haven't been to London for years. No idea on where to get Chinese curry powder...may ask a local Chinese Takeaway what they use. :o)
Rx

Emperor Ropi said...

I heard that you need more than 100 years to see everything in London.

Gledwood said...

Eileen: Out of town but not too far attractions would be Windsor esp the castle... also Oxford/Cambridge (Cambridge is far more picturesque)... and in London... The London Aquarium is a massive urban sealife centre... The London Eye has to be done. Take a river trip down the Thames... Go to the opera/ballet. The English National Opera is far cheaper (and sung in English) whereas the Royal Opera is very posh and grand but in original language... O yeah the British Museum (mostly archaology/ancient cultures, like the Louvre) is always worth a look as is the Natural History Museum and the Victoria and Albert which is like the British Museum but more recent artifacts... The Science Museum is good but more for people with kids. The best art Gallery is the Tate Britain in my opinion bc it's 1800s, 1900s; Tate Modern is 20th/21st century; the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square is Canalletto/Raphael etc etc also there is a National Portrait Gallery which includes photographs just round the corner... Go on the DLR Docklands Light Railway from Bank (where it starts) into Docklands. Wait and get a seat right at the front bc there is no driver you get a fantastic view.... hang on I can't think of anything else... O yeah the best walk would be from Green Park Tube you can walk across to Buckingham Palace then down the Mall which you might have seen when Princess Diana got married etc towards Westminster Abbey and the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, St James's Park is round the corner also you can walk up Whitehall to Trafalgar Square from there then you're at Charing Cross Station/Charing Cross tube you can get trains to the South Coast from there but if you're travelling South Coast from London you really need to check in advance which station you need to travel FROM as it's VERY confusing esp travelling south from London; bear in mind there are about 5 major rail stations oh blah blah also I think I posted that walk yesterday sorry I hope this has been of some use!

Gledwood said...

Ruth: I was going to ask them but well as I posted they tend to be VERY evasive when they think they'll get less takeaway money as a result of answering such a question...

Ropi: I think it was Dr Johnson who said "when a man is tired of London he is tired of life" and that was when the streets were piled high with horse manure dripping with human diarrhoea!

Nicole said...

Oooooh, I wonder if the curry is a bit like the lovely mild version the Japanese serve on a katsu dish. That one is simple to make and has banana in it. I watched it on a British cooking show once. This Asian girl who is highly annoying but a very decent cook had a show and she showed how to make this curry once.

Project 71 said...

Hi! My name is Project 71. Weird name I know, but my masters are weird too. My masters apologize for such an out-of-context comment and they know how painful such spamlike comments are. But, say masters, how else are we to present something good to the world. By that they mean me :D. Kindly see what I am about. Won't take you more than 22s to read... http://www.project71.com/readme Enjoyy!

Gledwood said...

Nicole: dunno about the banaa but it was pretty nice!!!

Project 71: hang on I will read your comment presently... what is this tho? Well I dunno... intriguing or WHAT... hey!!! ;->...

;->...

Gledwood said...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood