HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Cold bicycle friendly hamster loving cat and snake weekend...

SO MY NONEXISTENT POLITICAL MANIFESTO has failed to inspire y'all... what a surprise! The only "policy" I can devise for my constituency would be bike lanes for all. Yes! Up on the pavement too, not down with the dirty rumbling traffick where white van drivers will try and run you over. Cycle paths are cheaper to install than almost anything else (less wear and tear)... so that's my no 1 policy. Also when I was thinking of making a Mayor of London bid back in 1998/whenever (it was the year Jeffrey Archer finally got found out for perjuring himself in his record-breaking court case against the Star newspaper, for which he got $1 million damages and was punished for 3 years in prison)... My main policy back then was to have different coloured bulbs installed in London's street lights so it would look ultra-pretty from the skies for American tourists flying into Heathrow... See my priorities, as per usual, are in totally the right place...

My room is running alive with wild mice! They are "nesting" somewhere in my big cupboard. The one that is stuffed with binbags full of my rotting "possessions"... I haven't the heart to destroy their mousey home, but if they dare come near my robos, trust me it won't be the robos doing the squeaking...

I can't exactly ask the landlord to put antirodent stuff down seeing as I have 4 pet rodents of my own... and I hate to admit it but my own rodents have probably attracted this lot in. Before now they were running amok in Laundretta's room only. Though I did hear Matran "the Rat-Man" was putting down cheese for a particularly cute one to feast upon.

She catches hers on ultrasticky cockroach/mouse/rat "traps" (ie bits of supersticky card) and throws them out of the window where she likes to think they instantaneously die. Of course they don't. Down they sail like a mousey hang-glider to scuttle about the pavements with the dead autumn leaves, stuck to this massive sticky mouse-windsurfer-sail for days on end until some passerby either treads on them or a cat spags at them and gores them or they simply starve to death. In other words the cruelest, most horrible way to go.

Unfortunately the "humane" traps available in this area are made by a company called "The Big Cheese" and are the stupidest traps I've ever seen. Too small for any wild mouse to venture inside, they work on a seasaw motion... and in other words trap no mice. The ones we had in Wales that DID work were transparent (so the mouse doesn't feel so enclosed) and tripped shut on a garage-door type mechanism. They were big enough to capture two or three mice at once if that number happened to simultaneously venture inside. At one point my stepbrother set up a Wild Mouse Rotastak with about ten of them inside. They were so entertaining running their little wheel like hyperactive swines. Eventually even our cat got tired of and desensatized to them. Then they got tired of about 2 square feet of living space and settled down to spend their entire lives cossetted in Johnson & Johnson cotton wool abed...

Finally I gave Dodge his card. (His 89-year-old Dad had a stroke at the weekend adn died 2 or 3 days ago...) It sounds like all traumas are stretching forth amongst family, the way they tend to when someone dies and disparate relatives are suddenly thrown together and it's not even Xmas yet... Believe it or not I seem to be the ONLY person to have given in a card... And to think I was embarrassed at having left it 3 days... what is today's society coming to?

Now I've caught a thorough pipe-cleaning cold. I've always thought an (uncomplicated nonbronchitis-stylee) cold is a good thing to have as it paradoxically cleans the system out and rejuvenates the body. Nobody else ever seems to agree with me. Perhaps because they're the Lemsip, Benylin and Nightnurse posse who overdose themselves on blurry antihistamines to make themselves feel iller. Science is aparently on my side. "Common" colds (and mine's especially vulgar) do boost the body's levels of interferon which has magical effects on more serious diseases*. Better to have slews of common colds, I say, than terminal cancer!

(*Yes! Interferon is part of a two-drug hep C treatment AND has a protective role against cancers of many kinds.)

Well I'm off to go abed and feel sorry for myself as I have to blow my nose... wow! Nearly once an hour. I'm so ill!

Gotta go seriously and scribble out more of my memoirs. We're at a bit of a slow patch now - I'm writing about my first suicide attempt and my trip home when I was aparently staring at the wall and "rocking" (no wonder! After 70 tricyclic antidepressant pills... thankfully I puked the vast majority so quickly their red coatings were all mixed in the porridgey diced carrot vomit...

So I didn't die and I have to go I'm busting for a wee... Too much cyder = "personal" Niagra falls...

See yous all tomorrow.

PS I see NOBODY but one "anonymous" remarked on my "cat and hamster" from Japan. That was 100% real! They were genuine friends. Didn't you see the cat licking the hamster and then the hammy lick the cat in return and snuggle up for a sleepy evening's TV or whatever Japanese pets do...

My today's vid is:

Japanese Rat Snake and Hamster Friend

Sorry no subtitles or dubbing for the petshop manager's prattling but I do like the bit where the hammy decides to make a nest amongst the serpent's scaly coils then thinks better of it and hops out...

I wonder how long the hamster really lasted, or whether the snake just wasn't hungry that day? Or whether he'd just got BORED of the taste of tubby Campbells dwarves... who noze...?

***

Have a cheery weekend everyone!

***

Just for Whitenoise, here's Sylvia Plath's Insomniac poem....

***

PETS' CORNER RIP SPONGEBOB, Vi Vi Voom's lionhead goldfish. Who died of mysterious infection...

27 comments:

molson said...

Yes. Good policy on the bike lanes. Screw everything else. Sadly riding a bike on the roads where I live is damn near suicide. I tried it once years ago and decided that I didn't want to adorn the mudflaps of a road going land yacht. You know the ones that the soccer moms drive at 90 mph everywhere they go with a cell phone screwed to their ear. They come equipped with all wheel drive so they they can roll over a cyclist and not lose any speed at all. Oh. You don't have the giant Yank Tanks there in the UK. The white vans sound dangerous enough though.

It's only matter of time before that snake gets hungry enough to really love that hammy. Too bad the hammy seems completely oblivious to the fact that it could end up on the menu at a moments notice. Well it's not like the hammy could do anything about it anyway after being dropped in the cage with the snake by it's nutty old owner. Those Japanese guys are always having some kind of crazy fun.

Gledwood said...

O they luurve that ****!

As for bikelanes... it's considered awfully "lefty" (though not as badly as in Car is King America) to support something like that... good job I'm a no-taxes for the rich bastard in the rest of my supposed "policies" (well when I'm rich I don't wanna pay massive taxes, would YOU?)

have a cheery weekend Molson, as I've told the world... when is your next expedition?!?!?

Anonymous said...

I was almost in tears when I read about Laundretta throwing mice out the window on that cruel, cruel sticky tape trap. Given her antics, maybe someone should build a huge, sticky Laundretta trap and fling her out the window.

Given your love for rodents, have you ever seen the movie Willard? Too bad Laundretta can't watch it, she would think twice about being cruel to animals.

Re; Mouse problems - if there is a possibility that your land OVERlord will spend approx. $20, you can get these friendly mouse deterents that you plug into the wall. It sends out a noise that mice can't stand, in effect, it creates a border which mice will not try and get past or near. They work a charm - if we have them here, you must have them there.

Hope you feel better and a loverly le weekend.

- Eileen

Naomi Joy said...

common colds are good for u heh? well so is sex...it releases healing properties that is supposed to help u get better faster

Emperor Ropi said...

I think your room is not clean enough because mouse are going to the junk.

Gledwood said...

EILEEN: thing is I can't have ultrasonic mouse deterrants because of pet hamsters... (surely it would work on them too)...

I don't know what Laundretta is doing with the mice now, she DID used to throw them out of the window, but I've not seen any lately hopefully she had a good old attack of CONSCIENCE as I'm sure she was well aware how cruel she was being

NAOMI: that is true but you can't help having a cold whereas you can help having sex haahaa!
;->...

Gledwood said...

ROPI: you're right about the cupboard full of junk... there is no food in there but they like to make nests in materials like curtain material and it does have blankets and stuff like that in there... it's just if I turf them out they're going to be running round the room even MORE see what I mean?

... i dunno what to do I just don't want them jumping in with my robos as the robos would go NUTS

Anonymous said...

Wow, it must be the AM still....didn't even think about the hamsters :o

-eileen

Gledwood said...

;->...

Gledwood said...

I wonder what those things would do to hamsters anyhow?

Probably nothing at all... just what they do to them wild mice haha!

:->...
:-]
;->

molson said...

Sadly there will be no new hiking adventures for me for a while. I'll just have to stick with the local Detroit area metroparks for now. They are pan flat compared to CO and not nearly as scenic but you have to take advantage of what is available. Now if I could afford it, the adventure I'd want to go on would be flying Supercubs in Alaska. I'd probably end up killing myself as result of having very limited bush flying experience, but I can always dream. Here's the link to a photo blog of someone who is living the dream. The photos are amazing...

http://www.shaunlunt.typepad.com/

Akelamalu said...

I thought snakes ate rats???

Hope you're getting over your man flu. :) xx

mellowlee said...

I have the fabulous Loki Cat, so no worries about wild wee rodents here! Those sticky traps sound nasty

Gledwood said...

Molson: how desperately boring (for you) hang on I have not seen the pixx yet...

Akelamalu: Hopefully it shall shortly be gone forever

Mellowlee: The sticky traps are the height of cruelty...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Gleds. Sorry you've got a cold, but I'm sure nothing "common" would visit you! I like your pretty light bulbs policy - do resurrect it! Hope you feel better. Buona notte from Sicily x

Janice said...

Hi Glen,

I saw that snake and mouse last year I think, it went the rounds of the news shows, and then the late night talk show where they had fun with it.

Janice~

Bimbimbie said...

... I'm betting that the cat will get the snake and hammy, did you see it's face *!*

Hope you manage to beat that cold.

RUTH said...

I hope that cold gets better soon...sending medicinal {{HUGS}} I reall hope the hamster survived with the snake...great videos.
Have a peaceful weekend
Rx

Puss-in-Boots said...

Gleds, I hope your cold gets better soon...miserable things to have, colds.

I reckon the snake will get the hammy eventually, I mean, how can it resist this scrumptious little snack?

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds. I hope you get over your cold really quick.. Snake On no keep your hammy away from that snake.. it might feel like a tasty snack in the middle of the night..
Oh Gleds my Orchids are real and yes I grew them, I have about 2 dozen pots of Orchids more after I repot.and divide them after they finish flowering...Take good care..

tea said...

Hi Gled,

Oh those poor little mousies that get thrown out the window! How horrible and cruel.
Try Echinacea 1,200 mg for your cold. Well, only when you feel one coming on that is. Too late now. But it does work. I take 3 or 4 a day for a couple of days when I feel one be be coming and it always works for me. If you take it too often, you can become ammune to it. Happened one year. But I`m right back with it in the cupboard again now. Don`t know the solution to your mice problem though.

tea
xo

Gledwood said...

Thanks for the remarks everyone... sorry too little time to respond individually...
shall get in touch with y'all after the weekend....

whitenoise said...

Hey Gled, thanks for the poem. She was a cheery girl, wasn't she? ;-)

zennist said...

Are we talking rats or mice? They carry disease, you know. Although I love the tiny little mice you see in the empty street sometimes.

I have a friend who went recently went through a (partial) Interferon treatment for Hep C. He developed hemerrhoids as large as golf balls. Ouch ouch ouch. He wasn't able to complete the treatment.

Hope you're feeling better.

Liz said...

I have a cold. I think it is the sort that will last all winter now. I'm not poorly just snuffly and I usually find once it starts, it just stays with me.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood