HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

New Sunday; New Sunday Lunch

I SLEPT FOR HOURS AND HOURS and hours last night and had all sorts of peculiar dreams (about crack dealers etc). Now it's Sunday afternoon and I'm starving because my power's OUT and I don't know how to fix it. Need some giant fuse to stick in the fusebox relating to my room (found the exact switch and pushin-pully-out-y thing) however I'm not at all sure what type of fuse is meant to go inside those mechanisms and so shall have to ask at Mother Hubbard's for advice. The illustration, by the way, is a pretty near approximation to her masterful Sunday roast. Especially the Yorkshire pudding and crackly potatoes towards the front...

That Jamaican takeaway pictured yesterday (to the left) wasn't from round here. A closer inspection will reveal tropical violet-coloured twilight skies, the like of which we do not get in this green and pastrous land of ours...

Well my hamsters are happy. They don't even seem to notice they're in a new place (why would they? They're in their old houses and are never allowed on the floor in case I never get them back...) The are in the cupboard under the sink at the moment, which far from being "cruel because there's no view" they prefer. 1. they are very shortsighted and so don't even notice views the way humans, birds or even cats and dogs would and 2. being nocturnal burrowing rodents they seem to feel more secure in the dark (it makes them get up and start wheelrunning)... every time I looked in yesterday at least one was trotting 19 to the dozen on that wheel...

Allrighty; I'd better go now. T'raa!


Emperor Ropi said...

It looks tasty

d. chedwick bryant said...

Glad your hamsters are pleased and trotting in their new digs.

That DOES look tasty and I am faced with leftover curry for lunch--oh well, it's always better on the second day.

meemsnyc said...

Wow, that looks like quite a meal!

Vi said...

hmmmmm, could fancy a roast just now! Glad to hear you've moved okay.

Audrey said...

Can I meet mother Hubbard, if her roast are like that then I wanna be her friend too....seriously Gleds Im so glad youve got someone like mother Hubbard in your life, she sounds like a blessing..The hammys are fine as long as your around...Take care and make this a new beginning for you all...Get that book back in action and written..YOU HEAR!!!! LOL X Auds

Audrey said...

Can I meet mother Hubbard, if her roast are like that then I wanna be her friend too....seriously Gleds Im so glad youve got someone like mother Hubbard in your life, she sounds like a blessing..The hammys are fine as long as your around...Take care and make this a new beginning for you all...Get that book back in action and written..YOU HEAR!!!! LOL X Auds

Audrey said...

See I really mean it, even posted it twice in case you didnt read me properly the first time....Write!!!!

Audrey said...

By mistake I hasten to add, just in case you think Im a nag :)

Bimbimbie said...

No doubt you enjoyed you lunch at Mother Hubbards. Reminds me of my mum's only without the gravy for me. Hope you get your fuse box sorted *!*

Gledwood said...

Ropi: her lunches are always VERY tasty. Shame circumstances made me MISS it after all that pre-praising in a post (hmmm)

D Chedwick: curry lunch can be gorgeous. yes still lots of trotting!!

Meemsync: WOULD have been. had i been there on time and together to EAT IT. which DID NOT HAPPEN. thanks a lot to someone who semi did me a favour blah blah but STILL in a way I'd have preferred a calm nice NORMAL Sunday rather than the one I got (!!) hmmmm... yeah :-?...

Vi: cheers. see above re hmmm yeah how I ate it in an alternative reality (ie it never happened.) hmmm

Hi Auds
Long time no hear: thanks for getting in touch again. Why no posting... c'mon! I'm surviving after that move but there is STILL stuff of mine I really ought to take at the old place which I'm round the corner from right now so I'm just about to go in there at 11 o'clock at night (after a stupid day that involved MISSING Mother Hubbard's lunch as much as a lot of other stupidity) I just want to get OUT of that old place so I can NEVER THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN!!

All the very best to you: hope all's well at your end. Take care ;->...!




Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: don't know why I missed you out there. because I'm stupid. why no gravy? you really hate it? why? how most extraordinary. well it never happened bc I didn't go which meant no fuse advice or fuse either. lovely!! ok well there's always tomorrow...


Baino said...

Glad your in and settled. It was a bit of a whirlwind transition eh? Bummer about the power.How do you post without power? Wireless laptop? Internet cafe?

Gledwood said...

In response to your "bring your own wine" at restaurants blog post:~~

We have "bring your own" too... it's from unlicensed (for alcohol) restaurants and generally they charge about £1 or £1.50 a bottle "corkage" fee, as you say.

Yes I have well and truly GONE. But I still manage to post, thanks to the glories of an internet caff at the end of my OLD road, which I'm just about to sneak back up to retrieve my old business suit and hopefully some classical records I left behind!! Wish me luck. Cheers!!

Nicole said...

I'm still trying to think of how to help you with the fuse problem, but have little advice because I don't know what the fuse box looks like over there. Usually if a fuse pops, it's just a matter of flipping it back up. We used to have trouble in our Amsterdam apartment because we had only two "groups" (fuses I suppose) and I couldn't plug the washing machine in at the laundry switch because it was on the same group as the fridge and something else and would blow each time. So I had to turn it on via an extension cable that was run from the bedroom. Completely retarded.

Anonymous said...

OH MY! I've only been gone a week and your whole world has been turned upside down and inside out Gledwood! Gone dark too ... BOO!

Vincent said...

Hey gled, cant you find a picture of the fuse online and show us? Unless you got it sorted of course.

Is it a fuse that comes out? So you need to actually replace it? They usually have a little glass window at the front? Or is it a switch like fuse? There are also switch type fuses with a little red thingy sticking out at the front. I believe you press it in and it should work again.

What were you turning on btw when it blew?

DaPhillyFoodCritic said...

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Akelamalu said...

That Sunday lunch looks fabulous!

Gledwood said...

Nicole: that Amsterdam situation sounded ridiculously retarted!! Thankfully all's well that ended well see above it technically so it seems wasn't a fuse but a tripswitch which means I've managed to trip it back ON!!

I know it's all change... come back in another week and who knows what'll have gone down...???!????!?????

right I pictured the fuse up for you... and as you know by now all solved ~ yaah! wahey!! thankyouverymuchindeed!!!

Daphillyfoodcritic: cheers. you have a fascinating name, too!!

it would have been... had I got to gledebergobble anyofit down {;-?...

TOM said...

My sis just started making Yorkshire Pudding...I love it, that plate of food looks delicious!!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood