HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Now There Are Three!

SPHERICAL was recaptured at approx. 4am last night, when a scrabbling noise along the side of my bed alerted me to the roborovski's presence. Carefully removing an old carrier bag that had somehow got half secreted down the side, I was astonished to view Spherical face to face. Sitting on a pair of jeans that had also made the slide down the side, she seemed oblivious of me. That is, until I put my hand in there. Then she quickly pinged inside the jeans, which, I suppose were meant to be her new bed. I folded them up, held tight and shook them open over her old house. Out she tumbled, and soon was nibbling broccoli just like in the old days. The other two were fast asleep at this moment. Spherical is rather less Spherical after three days of getting food and water from who knows where? I never spotted her drinking the capful I left specially out.

O! Spherical! You swine! We are so glad you're back!!

Feature of the Day:
Sumida Riverside Tower, Tokyo
Franco-Japanese Blog


Rescued Rottweiler Blog...

Fur Bear Hamsterriffic Blog

Somewhere Over The Rainbow: Motivational (Entertainment) Posters...

41 comments:

tut-tut said...

Yeah! A miracle, really, too. You must be so relieved, Gled . . .

chanworks said...

hai gled! I ama an indonesian people. I'm thankful for reading my blog. but if you want me to translate the article that I wrote, I would do it. nice to meet you! oh yeah, your blog is really nice!!

Gledwood said...

TutTut: yes at last! I had given up hope! Until last night I started to hear distinct scrabblings all over the place! She must've sneaked OUT of the room, then come back as hunger impelled her... then I caught her quite simply, as I said, in a pair of jeans..!

Gledwood said...

Chanworks: that baby and mother polar bear post about love is... well.. lovely..!!

Abraham Lincoln said...

Nice post.

And thanks for stopping at my brookville daily photo blog and for the nice comment you left there.

Gledwood said...

Your photos are top. For more tropical birds come to

http://bimbimbie.blogspot.com

wild parrots galore!

(And bimbimbie means "birdie-wirdie" in Eastern Standard Aborigine (so I declare!!))

Gandalf & Grayson said...

Hooray for furballs being found!

Velvet Ginger (Rubye Jean) said...

I am happy she came back! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Daisy said...

Spherical done a bad, bad thing to run away from home! Thank goodness she is safe and back at home.

BenTheRotti said...

Spherical you are the minx of all minxes!!!

Gledwood you must be so relieved!

Thank you for visiting my blog.. and, goodness, for featuring it in your blog!! I am truly honoured!

Really good to meet you and I shall be back to check if Spherical is behaving!!

smoooches,

Ben xxxxxx

Patti said...

I told you! I told you! Boy it feels GOOD to be right in this instance! Yay for Spherical's safe return!

Emperor Ropi said...

that sounds good

zen wizard said...

Look Homeward, Gerbil...

(Now THERE is a book that would get published!)

Bimbimbie said...

I still think Spherical was taking part in that marathon ... so glad she is home where she belongs.

Thank you Gleds for waiving your wings my way with Abraham Lincoln, I've just flown from his place to yours now I'm going to go visit the rescued Rotti blog *!*

Baino said...

Yay the prodigal returns! I hear scratching in my roof at the moment but I suspect snidely rats not hamsters *sob* just hope one doesn't find itself in MY jeans!

lettuce said...

I've missed so much drama and trauma!

i'm so glad she is back!

sally in norfolk said...

Great news that she is home....where she belongs :-)

Parker said...

Thank Goodness!

Anonymous said...

YAY!!!!! I think Spherical really does love yo;, she chose your jeans for her new home! The diet probably did her good and it's healthy to have adventures. Thanks for explaining the difference between Dallas and Dynasty in the comments below - it was a long time ago! Heehee :)

molson said...

Roboriffic Gledwood! Pikas everywhere are rejoicing.

Nicole said...

YAAAAAAAY!!!!! What great news!

monsoon-dreams said...

hi,
you must be really happy and relieved to have spherical back.hope she wont get adventurous again:-)

Janice said...

Hi Gled,

Oh you found her, that great!

Janice~

Girl Girl Hamster said...

Oh... that's pawsome that you found her. :) Thanks for visiting my blog. It's nice to meet fellow hammies

~ Girl girl

Audrey said...

Just popped in Gleds to say I WILL BE BACK to catch up, missed reading you and keeping up with all the robo antics. In the meantime a long weekend with my daughters in London beckons, markets, live music, good food etc etc (and maybe a hangover or two) So if you see a drunken woman loitering in the streets of London,with a scottish accent, it will be me.....just say hi xx Auds

Cazz said...

YEAH ... glad Spherical is safe, and to think she was hiding right under your own bed !!! Now if your room is anything like my daughters, it's a miracle that you found her at all !! Maybe thats what I need to do, get her a furball, at least it would eat the scraps of food that get left lying about.

Cazz

CrystalChick said...

So glad your baby robo is back! I'll have to catch up on your blog soon, I've been working on cards/jewelry lately for some shows coming up and haven't spent as much time as I usually do reading.
Come by and say hello when you can. :)

d. chedwick bryant said...

Heard through the pet grapevine that you found spherical. I'm so glad she's OK.

Eileen said...

Tisk tisk...BAD hamster. Glad that she is back! I wonder what tales she would tell about her adventures?

Gledwood said...

Gandalf & Grayson: hurrah!!

Ruby Ginger: i thought your name was spelled "Gynger" there for a sec, dunno why. o yeah i'm retarted that's why haha! yeah man she has a new ramble-o-phone nest now so NO excuses for more escapes also she will have to scale a sheet of glass 36ft high in human terms (hmmm...)

Daisy: I'm v glad she's back. Your picture is MAD by the way !!

Bentherotti: what a beautiful rottie you are. don't eat me i'm only a hamster and won't even make a half decent snack let alone a dinner...

Gledwood said...

Patti: I'm glad you were right

Ropi: ;->...

ZenWizz: I used to read Ladybird books about Hannibal the hamster who was always escaping, getting into scrapes (nearly getting eaten up by the combine harvester etc) then miraculously returning home... maybe I should write my own hamster escape stories. it's a genre that's barely been plumbed so far!!

Bimbimbie: I can imagine Spherical trotting a marathon. I'm sure she's ran at least 26 miles in the past month... Pandable would have done 26 miles EASILY within 4 days he was the most rambling hammy I've ever seen used to go BERZERK if his wheel ever got stuck or fell over (which was always his own doing) also he used to stick it up with nesting material I'm sure that was deliberate to have clambering-out-of-tank escapades and stair-clambering adventures....

Gledwood said...

Baino: we have wild mice in here as well. When Itchy escaped she SET UP HOME with them for 2 days! I'm serious!!

Lettuce: there's always drama at mine. someone set off a firework right outside my window (which is NOT ground floor, so they must have either shot it deliberately low or dangled it down from upstairs, we had INTRUDERS in our lockless house as well...) this happened at half past midnight. I honestly thought it was a mains electric cable blowing... fizzzzzzz-BANG! and massive sparks!!

Sally: at last!!

Parker: cheers. you look just like my friend Mother Hubbard's cat

Gledwood said...

Anon: strange that she flees from me in terror yet chooses my clothing... a-HA! they were freshly laundered! I'm sure she'd have fled in TERROR had she smelt ME on them!!

Molson: bet she was partying with the pikas... up in them Rockies... it IS possible... gone 3.5 days!... cab to Heathrow... stash self on board Rocky Mountains-bound flight there... and back... yeah the SWINE I bet that's what she was up to!!

Nicole: YEE-HAR!

Monsoon: I bloody well hope so too. Maybe I should buy her one of those plastic rambler balls... which seem to be manufactured more for the amusement of owners than pets... I just don't think the poor little swines inside them have any IDEA where they're rolling in them and would rather be trotting on a wheel...

Gledwood said...

Janice: she is a swine though. gave me such a dirty look when i peered in on her this afternoon...

Girlhammy: pawsome; I like... I'll ramble back to yours soon... gotta make a new roborovskery 1st...

Audrey: ONE drunken Scottish woman? Audrey there are about 50,000 in this city!! Sorry, couldn't resist but you must admit you Celts DO like a drink... even more than us English...why is that?

Cazz: it is very untidy which I'm sure gave a wonderland of adventures...

Gledwood said...

Crystal: hey I found some Fimo necklaces I made in years past while moving. They weren't bad... in fact I've never seen anyone else make beads quite the same...

D Ched B: yes the swine froze in a "play dead" reflex and I scooped her up in a pair of jeans ~ haha!

Eileen: I have a strong suspicion she actually left the room via the back of the cooker as there was NO rustling or anything for the first 2 DAYS... then on the last 1.5 days I kept hearing things... so she must indeed have had some adventures... I wonder what on earth she got upto too...

;->...

Akelamalu said...

Oh good spherical turned up!

Gledwood said...

wahey!!

Sal said...

Hi there..thanks for visiting my blog. I'll have a read of yours now..I see that you have more than one... so it might take me a while!!
Sal;-)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wonderful that the Spherical daughter has returned—I mean “been returned.”

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood