HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Roommates' Plea: "Spherical Come Home!"

NEWSFLASH! I CAME BACK AROUND 1pm after a 2-hour abscence to the sight of something (I would ordinarily assume it was a mouse) pinging rapidly out of sight with a flash of white... ~ and there's the clue. Mice are dull all over. Robbies have bright white undercarriages. And even in "domesticated" states are far, far stealthier (not to mention speedier) than wild-born mice (how on earth the original batch was captured for the pet trade I've no idea. They must've set special traps to grab the trotting tubbies... Anyhow, after 48 hours of strictly no show whatsoever (not even a hint of her presence) to be quite honest I'd totally given up on ever seeing her again ~ alive or dead.

Tonight I have made a special part towel-covered (for easier grip) paperback book-built "stairway to heaven" (the haven of her former captivity)... nearby I have put out a plastic capful of water, a tiny number of seeds and a courgette (zucchini) slice. Courgettes take teethmarks very well, so if she bites, I shall know!

I'm hoping somehow ~ miraculously, if needs be ~ I'll wake up to find Fat Mommy Trotter fast asleep in her old lightbulb-box. Or perhaps peering out with balefully suspicious eyes: "yeah, mate I came home. Don't flatter yerself; it was these two I missed." Yeah, I know precisely what she'd tell me, if only she could talk...

And now back to the dreadful 1980s:~

Dynasty. Wasn't this TV gold..?
Especially when the series' leading ladies got their claws into each other ~ literally. Alexis and Krystle Pond Catfight... View and enjoy. (PS Dubbed into German for further entertainment. Couldn't find an English version anyway...)

To see more Catfight-Collins-tainment CLICK HERE!!

"Studio Catfight" has Alexis spitting at Krystle (what a vulgar spelling for a lovely name...) the immortal line: "it's not my fault you're barren"! Ooooh!!

Blog of the Day ~ Marijke: Nurse-turned-writer...


sally in norfolk said...

keeping my fingers crossed x

Bimbimbie said...

I hope she's climbing that paperback book stairway home this very moment*!*

I never watched that show Dynasty so I'll give this video a miss *!*

Anonymous said...

YAY!!!!!!! She's alive and will be too hungry to stay away for much longer - and lonely. Great newsflash, cheeky Spherical! I wanted to be like Collins when I grew up, don't know why, she was a horrible character! Have turned out quite the opposite ;)

Anonymous said...

Hang ON .... that was Dallas! Hhehhee

Liz said...

Oh I do hope she comes back home soon!

Gleds, your blog keeps freezing my puta when i try to comment - so I have been here but haven't been able to say anything. I'm just hoping this is going to work now!

Come home Spherical! we're all worried about you!

sofia said...

bem,olhando para os anteriores posts, que ja não lia ha algum tempo, apercebi.me que percebes portugues!!!! pois bem, sendo assim, hoje escrevo este post em portugues para te mandar um beijo e dizer-te que espero sinceramente que estejas bem.

Gledwood said...

Sally: many thanks! I left some replies at yours... I just hope they weren't too juvenile!... (ooer!)

Bimbimbie: hopefully she is indeed climbinb those paperback stairs to heaven. then she shall be safe and warm and nibbling on broccoli sprigs once again... (boohoo!!)

Anon: Dallas and Dynasty were easily confused apart from these following pointers:
1. Dynasty actually had homes commensurate with their exhaulted social status. Unlike "South Fork"... a FARM for JR Ewing. Yeah, right!
2. Dynasty had way higher production values, glorious sets... and Joan Collins decorating so many of them!
3. Though it was shot on 35mm filmstock, Dallas was transferred to nasty American NTSC video format... meaning the PAL encryption we got in Europe and in nearly every country OUTSIDE America was wooly, blurry and so yukky if THEY had to acce[t it as broadcast standard for a major show they'd turn it down flat.
4. No Joan Collins in Dallas
5. BOTH SHOWS: supposed to employ every trick in the soap opera guidebook, but despite: let's face it, the stories hardly flowed. Everything was drawn out to the n-th degree to squeeze just that little bit more story out... nasty business! I've gone back to good old EastEnders in the vulgarity of Albert Square, London E20. Though they may all be far far posher than me, I do at least feel I share the same planet with Walford's residents...

Spherical: did you hear Liz? Come back home immediately and I promise I shan't be too ragingly furious with you!

Sorry my thing doesn't work on your "puta" but what's that?

tut-tut said...

She's in, not out; she'll be back. Spherical, stop this nonsense.

And for me, it was the OTHER series I watched: Knots Landing. Oh the drama . . .

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

We are all rooting for ya. Spherical come home.

Gledwood said...

Sofia: nom entiendo!

TutTut: Knotts Landing..? Dear me! That was on daytime only over here... nobody really watched it even with the 4-channel limited choice we had back then!!

And as for Spherical; she IS home!!

LoneGrey: She's back!

TOM said...

GREAT NEWS!! She better have a good story!!

Marko said...

He he, loved this show....ahhh memories!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood