HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, April 19, 2008


I AM DYING OF THE SCHNUPFEN, the common cold. Drowning in snot. Hacking coughs. Hamsters are in alarm thinking "what is that awful noise!?!" and so on. Dunno why I lapsed into German cuckoo-clock language... somehow I associate Germany, the Herz mountains and the Alps with cold, feeling cold and catching it. Anyway, THAT's why I've not been posting.

Don't worry; it's not catching (not online, anyhow...)


From 1988: Wow, the hysteria! Pop stars love all that ~ the worship, the adoration... this is like one long Pepsi commercial (or Michael Jackson commercial) ... it's a good performance though ... see his nose was melting, even back then...

PS I won a chatty blogger award from Sally in Norfolk. See I can still chat. Even when dying haha!!

A Pong For Europe: Putrid German Pig Manure Whiffs Out Britain in North Sea Breeze Shocker

PPS: 21:59 hrs Am not that much into puddings; however! Just bought 6-pack of own brand chocolate mousses to pig out and cheer self up.

PPPS: On way out bumped into former heroin and crack dealer (who, unusually, was a user of both)... now clean, smiley, glasses-wearing and dreadlocked... he's totally turned his life around. Once the dealing dried up he had "no option" but to turn into a manic shoplifter with multiple convictions for theft + assault (not one to give security an easy ride)... been in prison endless times... life in chaos.... now he seems happy. And looks like an R&B musician. Wow!


CrystalChick said...

I just got that award too and was thrilled. Of course I was a bit pouty that I'd been blogging for like 8 months and never gotten foofoo'd over but I twisted some arms and am now the proud owner of a lovely vintage pic on the sidebar. WooHoo.
Congrats on yours.

Feel better!

Nicole said...

Feel better soon. Cold and flu is awful, I loath not being able to breathe properly. It's almost midnight here and we're about to pack it in and go to bed. Have a good weekend and don't do too much, rest to help your body recover. I was just reading your comment over on my blog and was wondering if you had a bit much cough syrup! (The whole sheep thing seemed like a funny LSD trip.)

Gledwood said...

Crystal: cheers

Nicole: no it was quite real. on channel five. well i think so (??!?)

Gattina said...

Poor boy, so you have a red nose ! I hate Schnupfen too !

Akelamalu said...

Oh sorry to hear you've got man flu (a cold);) Gleds, hope you feel better soon. x

Gledwood said...

Gattina: I don't usually suffer that much from being enrhume (isn't that the French? Sorry no accent aigu on this computer)... this time I have as Akelamalu vulgarly calls it "man flu" yeah ... maybe it IS bird flu~??!? I DID eat chicken last week...

What are you talking about: man flu... "oh dear I mean the common cold"... ?!?

I am dying! of a common old cold!! OKAY~...!!?!

Vi said...

Hey, I wish I had a cold instead of the runs i've got!

Gledwood said...

Ooer the runs!

That's why I call my robbies the trotterovskis, since that D&V attack (re "put a cork in it" post) some months ago...

Hope you get well soon. I've got logorrhoea, not diarrhoea haha!!

Bimbimbie said...

Look on the bright side to having the cold you wouldn't have been able to smell that putrid smell from the German farmer. Unless you did and this is the result.

"Man flu" ...funny ;) Glad you still have the energy to chat and receive awards. True dedication *!*

Gledwood said...

O yeah I had some lovely "cold remedy" that made me way better (stopped me coughing all day...!)... you're right I didn't get a single whiff of said "putrid liquid pig manure" as described by The Sun newspaper...(!!)


Anonymous said...

You sure it isn't the BIRD flu!?! Although your lovely new remedy wouldn't fix that ;) I'm flying away for a week, so take care and see you when I fly home again Gledwood! Also CONGRATULATIONS!

tut-tut said...

Rest up. You have all your chickens home to roost, so to say, so just hunker down.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Alex and I are feeling the same way, except it ain’t the common cold that’s doing us in but the damned allergens in the Ohio River Valley.

Bless you, G.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Congrats on the Award.
Sorry you are dying of a common cold, and hope this is an exaggeration on your part. Hope you are better very soon. Thank you so much for your comments, especially about Vicki and the news seems better with her. About the picture, Gleds, as you probably know they always post at the top, but you can press Enter a few times and type between, or post an item and then backspace the appropriate picture.
I hope that helps. If I can do it, it can't be very difficult. Take
good care of yourself. Love, Merle.

Peter said...

Thanks for your visit and thoughts for Vicki, its to be hoped she responds fully to the medication.

Tya ilyana said...

hello..and hye..
nice to know u..
btw,,the pictures were taken at Palymra,Syria..
it was a temple during 1000b.c..
u should come and visit.
the architecture was so amazing!!

Odat said...

Just dropping in to see how you're doing.....hope you get over that cold soon! Congrats on the award!

Deb said...

Gled...I've been suffering from the same, which explains my absence. Have had zero energy to blog with and have not been "making the rounds" to my usual stops.

Do you feel inspired by the sight of the old dealer? If he can do it, I KNOW you can...just keep his new image in your head as incentive. It can be done Gled...one step at a time.

Chocolate mousse should help cheer you up a bit. Well, gotta go catch up here and see what I've missed.

Take care my friend. ;)

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hope you feel better soon, Gleds. x

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds, Sorry to hear your feeling so poorly with a heavy cold.. try to keep warm and have some warm lemon drinks. it helps...hope your feeling better soon take care

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood