HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Pyramid of Pink Noses


(Photographs: top ~ trio of pink noses. Nearest image I could find to match my three; right ~ Baby Itchy looks a bit like this white little doggie (sometimes) when she's tired and weary)...

MY BABY LITTLE ROBOROVSKIS ARE GETTING FRIENDLIER... I don't know what's happened, what I've done; but rather than panicking when I put my hand in, my sleeping little gremlin-babies just smooth and stretch as I rub them between the shoulders with a fingertip
(they are so tiny (no longer than my thumb) you can barely "stroke" them at all...) ... and they casually snooze on!

Even Spherical lets me stroke her like this. I wonder what on earth I have done right? Perhaps they're so ecstatically happy in their new home they even like ME now too..? There was a bit of pinging around in panic earlier this evening when the old Spherical suddenly realized "a horrible human giant has put his nasty big hand in here! Flee girls! Flee I tell yer!!" and her babies duly oblige. (I'm pretty sure Bashful and Itchy ARE Spherical's babies. For one thing they stick together far more... e.g. in the diggery, Spherical does her own thing, whereas Bashful and Itchy stick together the entire time... they look so funny when one vanishes, tubby bum in the air, then the other swiftly follows... Earlier on tonight all three were safely ensconced in the lightbulb box. I picked it up and cooed "hello you baby gremlins!" into it... a pyramid of pink noses appeared at the entrance, but the beady eyes that peered out seemed too weary to venture pingingly into the mirrored world beyond...

MUSIC:
Leona Lewis is the talk of the music world, having just topped the American as well as British single and album charts with her debut releases. Leona is by FAR the best thing to come out of any TV talent show I've seen... this is her original X-factor performance, Houston-style of I Will Always Love You...



VIDEO:
I didn't do this! I found it on Youtube: Roborovski montage to Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love:~



A Little off Kilter: Dogwood Winter ~ lovely spring pixx

Picture blog of the day:
Caleidoscópio Artes
This is the most amazing blossom picture I've seen this year...

I left a Google-translated Portuguese comment:

Que foto de uma linda flor! Vou dar a sua página de gritar no meu blog esta manhã. Isso é tão maravilhosa fotografia, que são aquelas com árvores tão incríveis roxo flores?

That came back hilarious in retranslated English:

What photo of a beautiful flower! I will give your page to scream in my blog this morning. This is so wonderful photo, which are those with trees such amazing purple flowers?

I will give your page to scream..! I love that!! I had actually said "I will give your page a shout..."!!


*

PS: Ever heard of "wire fox terriers"~?? Me neither. Though they look like Disney dogs, y'know with the cute "beards" and all...
Here's Agatha and Archie's personal wire fox blog...


DOGS BEING TORTURED (wearing glasses, blobs of cream on their noses etc)... probably they don't mind but I can't help wondering I've left a message asking the blog-owner... ANYWAY who cares about animal-welfare scruples: clickon the blog and be entertained!!

What is the difference between a wire fox terrier and an airedale? They look exactly the same to me... (click here for Kirby the airedale's blog)

24 comments:

Nicole said...

Those little hamsters are very cute, but christalmighty, that was possibly one of the most inappropriate songs for a hamster montage EVER!

Gledwood said...

haha! well as I say 'twasn't my choice!!!

;->...

TOM said...

Gledwood, I don't know if my last comment went through, but yes...the pictures are form Boston that you were looking at..I live just outside the city...Also...It's good to see the family all back together!

chanworks said...

yeah. i'm chinese-indonesian!! thank you for your comment! nice to meet you!

Bimbimbie said...

Morning Gleds ... are you having an early start today. I've decided against going outdoors with a torch looking up possums undercarriages to check out their pouches in the name of curiosity ;)

How are you feeling today ... is the cold on the way out of your system now? Hope so *!*

citizen of the world said...

Thank you for the nice comment about my flowers!

Cute hamsters - I (my son, actually) has four gerbils who live in the den - they are cute to watch.

Gledwood said...

Tom: o yeah, it's a family affair!!

Chanworks: I would love to do Indonesia one day... looks amazing. We Brits are an island people too so most of us have a thing about being near the sea

Bimbimbie: Yes the internet cafe opened before 10am this morning so I feel quite privileged to be in here early... Feeling far better thank you. And far less coughing!!

Gledwood said...

Hi Citizen your comment crossed mine at precisely the same moment I posted my last repy which is why I didn't see you... I've never had gerbils. I've had a mouse though, they are like tiny, duller gerbils (my mouse was natural housemouse colour...)

Bimbimbie said...

Just looked in on your pet page ... feeling down in the mouth now after seeing them in a pet shop. Is that from here or in the UK? ... Off to have a cuppa and a large piece of chocolate *!*

Gledwood said...

I got the impression from the langauge "these little guys are Australian marsupials"... that it was American...

Velvet Ginger (Rubye Jean) said...

Those pink noses are adorable! I like your pooch too!
I saw Leona Lewis featured on Oprah and I agree that she is talented and will be a big hit!

Gledwood said...

It's not my doggie unfortunately, just one chosen to illustrate the resemblance with Baby Itchy Roborovski when Itchy looks bashed-up and wet...

Leona: yeah, the next big thing!

Gledwood said...

Hey Tom I met 2 "wire fox terrier" doggies from Boston... perhaps you know them?

http://agathaandarchiespage.blogspot.com/

OK and because I live in London I live next door to the Queen ~ I know! sorry I couldn't resist!

Daisy said...

I want a hamster pet! I'm going to ask my Mommie for one. I hope she does not say no, just because my Sea Monkeys did not make it.

Gledwood said...

Aren't sea monkeys some kind of transparent pet prawns? Don't you buy them as dry "seeds" (eggs) from a novelties shop, add water, and get saline swimming entertainment in a pint glass for a week until they die? How on earth do they harvest the dried eggs then?... that's what makes me ponder. I don't know that I've ever SEEN a "sea monkey"... I DID have pet freshwater shrimp for my goldfish (live goldfish food)... took pity on about five of them and kept them as pets with my diddy tropical fish where, for weeks on end, they showed no signs of demise ...

Patti said...

Your little ones are darling - i'm a sucker for little pink noses!

Akelamalu said...

I'm so glad your hamsters are becoming more friendly towards you now.

Leona Lewis has a fabulous voice - her cd is fantastic.

Liz said...

Look! It's letting me comment!

Yay, so glad Spherical is back. Not glad that you have a cold. Eat oranges or drink juice. Get your vitamins to fight it. Don't let those evil little viruses get you down. Cheer up. We loves ya loads!

Zhu said...

They are really cute! I haven't had pets since I was a kid... miss it now!

Although we have rabbits, cats, raccoons and beavers in the wild here. Makes it up for it.

Gledwood said...

Patti: they do look funny when I talk to them and three pink noses appear at the "doorway" to their hammyhouse

Akelamalu: yes: I don't know what has come over them!!

Liz: it's not problems with commenting I have but a couple of blogs I've had consistent troubles trying to get to load... sometimes the virus blocker or firewall thing totally closes it down. Don't know why but it does. Happened loads of times (at the same places) too..

Zhu: roborovski faces look like raccoons... except in dun-and-white rather than black and white coloration

Alpaca Granny said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting....Alpaca are not a llama sheep cross, but just, well, Alpacas. They are a member of the camelid family - llamas and, yes, camels.

Gledwood said...

They are relatives of the camel? That doesn't surprise me....

When I said "cross between" I didn't mean literally from interbreeding, I meant a visual cross as in looks like half sheep half llama...

then again, what would you call a llama (apart from "what's that?!?" in Spanish!!)... a llama would be a sheep crossed with a camel and a giraffe ... ~ I suppose ;->...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood